Communication help needed!

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ill preface by saying I love my husband totally. He is my soulmate. We found each other later in life. He was 41 and I was 34.
he is now 60 and I’m 53. He has a very good senior job and is beginning to slow down to retire in a year or so. We had a long spell with no sex about 3 years ago probably due to me gieving
my parents. We have sex approx once a week now. I just need more. He isn’t really into talkimg
about it. If I try he doesn’t cut me off or anything but it’s clear it makes him uneasy. I’d like a little boob squeeze from time to time or a flirty me comment etc. like we didn’t the start. I try to do it to him but get nothing back. I’d love to tell him all the things I’d like to do with him but he would die of embarrassment I think.

So, looking for communication advice really. Thanks x

Once a week! I wish; only been once this year 😫

But, same as you have no idea how to talk about this and have tried many, many times. He just doesn’t respond. It’s hugely frustrating.

Intimacy is different to sex. Is he affectionate generally?

Yes he is. We cuddle in bed and he holds my hand and is affectionate. I woud like an increase in intimacy not just affection thigh. Like do men in their 60’s not need it as much?

@DixonDit is very frustrating especially when you work your self up for a chat and nothimg
comes of it because he won’t talk

I don't think any man likes to be pressured. I don't understand the reluctance to chat about sex though. Unless he feels it's going to take him down a rabbit hole. Does he get talkative after a glass of wine?

@tanoshithanks. No he doesn’t drink. He’s a wee bit old fashioned. He doesn’t really talk about personal things. Doesn’t discuss periods or feelings. If I talk about menopausal symptoms he will say “too much information”.

Aah old school type. Men should be men. Big boys don't cry. It's his male psyche. Hopefully he's adventurous in bed and not just functional. Might be too late to sort this out. Seduce him or does he run away from that too? Or is straight talking needed?

He doesn't want to talk about it because he doesn't want to have sex more than once a week - isn't that obvious?

Stop trying to make him have sex he doesn't want, no woman or man should have to put up with that. Get yourself a good vibrator and be happy he's still up for sex every week. Or if you want a sex pest for a partner then dump him and get on the dating apps, you'll have no end of offers there.

I guess it was fine when it was you that didn't want sex for a 'long spell' but now he only wants it once a week that's not good enough.

She's allowed to ask. It might well be that his once a week is the max, but if a woman can't discuss her needs with her hubby then it's a bit dire. She asked for help with communication and to try and get him to open up.

Back off OP even talking directly would be too much for me. Try playing hard to get, try less than once a week and see if he tries to up the pace. Encourage him to initiate more often if this works. Good luck, I am jealous of once a week!

I appreciate it may be enough for him. However surely it’s not unfair to have the discussion. If he says no once is enough then so be it. We have never even talked about it

You should absolutely talk about it. Its not about blaming him but sharing your needs and feelings. Focus on other aspects of intimacy too- touching, foreplay. If he feels it will help, he could try Cialis or something similar. Openness and honesty is important, as it can bring a couple closer.

In a relationship you should be able to talk about anything at all, even if it’s considered difficult, both parties should make an effort to communicate and support each other, maybe say that you find it awkward talking about it but need to get it off your chest and if he thinks you find it awkward he may feel a bit more open to it? As mentioned before a vibrator might help but it’s not going to give you the affection and intimacy that your husband would bring which sounds like what you want

I'm a man of almost that age and, to be honest, that would be enough for me generally. But if I knew my wife wanted more sex I'd be more than happy to make the effort. I wonder, from your comments, if you've actually told him you enjoy sex, never mind that you'd like more? Old school men can make the assumption that women are less interested than they themselves are.

@LuXunthanks. Yes I’ve told him I enjoyed it every time we did it. I’ve tried reacting and telling him when he does something I’ve ready liked. I’ve said “oh I could do that every day” afterwards once. He just doesn’t respond. I’ve jokingly said when I’m feeling horny but he just rolls his eyes. I’m starting to feel foolish so
ive stopped.

i'm sorry to hear that he's not taking this seriously and that you're not meeting in the middle as it where.

I know women in sexless relationships. The story usually goes like this, tried to talk, kept getting rejected, this turned to resentment, affection and intimacy dwindled, when he wanted it I was turned off because of all previous rejections, spent a lot of time on self indulgence but it's not enough, relationship broke down, left for OM or just left.
Don't be a statistic OP. Please get him to discuss this.

It astounds me how so many couples seem not to talk to each other about things that matter to them. How can he be your 'soulmate' but you can't talk to each other?

I know some people find it difficult to talk about sex; about likes and preferences. Maybe because for men there is still a huge amount of self-esteem wrapped up in a need to meet some kind of macho ideal of being hung like a donkey and up for it all day every day.

I was equally reticent for many years until I met someone with whom I felt I could really be honest and it changed my life completely. The relief and joy of being able to drop all pretences and just be myself was sooooo good.

It must be so frustrating to try and have these conversations with a partner who won't respond, won't take that risk or make that commitment that honesty and openness require. It's not about the sex, it's about the depth and authenticity of the relationship

This ^^

Maybe the OPs DH just wants to take it as it comes (pun intended!) and not analyse everything during and after. It is an emotional experience for him not a procedure.

we wrote a letter to each and both opened during a meal out.
we agreed before it would be open and honest about our sex life.
it worked for quite a while, we had a lot of fun

@onetrickponeeomg. That’s a great idea. My husband’s inbox is the one place I’m guaranteed to get his attention. Thank you!!!