AIBU to be unsure after receiving butt plugs on a fifth date?

[SapphireSteel28]

I have been seeing a guy who I met online-we have had 5 dates, and had sex on the fourth-it was lovely! We are both in our fifties with grown up kids. On our fifth date he presented me with a gift-a set of three butt plugs. I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t know whether I should continue seeing him. In the heat of the moment I made out I was fine with it-but now I’m wondering whether I’m a bit too “vanilla”- do many women like butt plugs?!

Well, you might be.
How are we supposed to know?

Who said Romance was dead ?
He's showing you who he is just five dates in.

Even if you are 'boring' or 'vanilla', on the fifth date it's really a bit much, especially if you haven't discussed it.

Men are just bloody weird.

Never even heard of them.

It doesnt matter how other people feel about anal sex. It's how you feel about it that matters

Women are being brainwashed into thinking it's normal for them to want anal sex and all this " vanilla sex " nonsense is just designed to pressurise women into doing stuff that isn't necessarily what they enjoy.

If you dont want butt plugs then tell him you aren't interested. He obviously wants you to be his real life porn star

I'm in my 50s and that would be the end for me. It shows what hes really like and that's not someone I'd want to be with. So gross.

I'd finish it . Butt thats me 😁. He obviously thinks its just a sexual thing with you. I doubt it will go further than that. Flowers and chocolates would of been nice.

Nope,…I’d tell him to do one…

I think lots of men secretly want something up their bum. I guess they do have a prostate. They are probably meant for you to use on him, not you.

Still, not my cup of tea, at all.

Thank God I thought it was just me!

And what would be wrong with that if you were? I'm in my 30s and quite happy with my vanilla sex life thank you. If DH bought me that I would laugh and return for a refund. If a new date bought me that I would run for the hills

I'd feel massively disrespected if this was something you had never discussed.

Some people are into it, some aren't, doesn't matter.
What's vile is "gifting" you something for his own sexual pleasure pleasure when you've only just met.

Yes-it’s a shame as I thought he was really interested in me.

Its a no from me

I can't be bothered with them now but I did try them with a partner when I was younger. They were pleasant enough. However I think they are one of the more intimate toys because it is feels so vulnerable and intense. He shouldn't have bought them without discussing it and knowing if you were interested in trying it. Honestly I'd feel that way about any sex toy early in a relationship.

I would be running away very fast from him

Each to their own but butt plugs are not something I’d want as an unsolicited gift from a very new boyfriend

I'd say 'I assume these are a hint that you'd like me to use these on you...' and see what happens.

If he says 'no, I'd like to use them on YOU' then I'd point out the way to go about that conversation is not by buying someone butt plugs, its by having an actual conversation.

And depending on the outcome of THAT, id probably dump him because whilst I am not averse to anal fun, I am very averse to sex with someone who can't have a proper conversation about what they want/don't want to do in the bedroom.

So not the point I'd be wary of any shop that took these back as a return...

Uhm, I'm pretty kink friendly but it's not a gift you get someone unless they have said they are keen on or interested in trying that stuff!

I wouldn't necessarily drop him but I would say clearly 'I was a bit taken aback, this is not my thing' or words to that effect. If he's like 'Oh, go on, try it, pleeeease!' I would be having second thoughts, but give him a chance to go 'Oh, I'm sorry, I had a few partners who were into this and thought most women like it' or something that might put it in context and suggest honest mistake.

Wtaf- major ick. Dump his sorry ass.

I expect he's keen to get you to have anal sex with him and thinks this will be a warm-up for it. Men who are obsessed with anal tend to want to poke fingers in quickly too.
The "out there" nature of this gift suggests sex, and specifically anal play, is at the forefront of his mind, crowding out any thought of whether it is appropriate or welcome. My bet is he has an anal fetish. I can't imagine why else anyone would give those as a present with no prior discussion, unless for a stag/hen do or if you're teenagers still giggling over willies and bums.

Revolting . Saying that I really don't know what they are and do apart from the obvious . I would end it if anyone gave me a present like that . I always assumed they were a homosexual thing but I guess I'm a bit sheltered !

Nothing would be wrong with it.
Chacun à son goût.

Are you absolutely sure they’re butt plugs and not, oh I don’t know, pieces from a big chess set or ornaments or something 😂