Dom/Sub for beginner

[MissWhiskey]

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this but very interested in exploring a Dom/sub situation as a sub. I’d be grateful for any guidance or recommendations for reading to prepare me. Thank you x

Hello MissWhiskey, I think there's some homework that's specific to you that's needed first. Just how immersive do you want this situation to be? Something you pull out occasionally, or something that underpins your life? You might not already know of the huge spectrum that this can open up for you, from the beginner kit from Love Honey right through to the more extreme worlds with high protocol, humiliation and all the 'equipment'.

In real life and depending on where you are you could visit a munch, maybe a look on Fetlife would help?

Drop me a line if you get stuck.

Hi JoyousMaker, thanks for your reply. I will have a look at Fetlife and into a munch. I’m a complete novice so just dipping my toe in carefully!

Try reading some relevent real-life erotica?

Good luck!

Ignore 50 Shades. It's completely misrepresentative of real D/s.
Look out for some appropriate blogs or podcasts. There are plenty around, often written/recorded by women, ranging from erotica to educational, and they span entry level stuff to more intense, so they should give you an idea of whether you really want to go there or whether it's just a fantasy.

Some of mine might be appropriate. I loved 50 Shades for what it is, but real everyday life, it is not! - Well, certainly not for me!

Thanks Mnmnddddd, yes would be interested in blogs from the female view definitely. I enjoyed 50shades when I read it years ago, but not really what I would be looking for.

TillyVanilla, do you write? If you’re happy to share, it would be appreciated! Feel free to PM me if you prefer. Thanks

Not sure that I am allowed to post the website? - but a search for Tilly Vanilla should pop up the website at the top of the feed. For gentle dom/sub, then Behind or Curiosa.

Try "THE LOVING DOMINANT by John & Libby Warren

50 Shades is abuse dressed as BDSM and highly criticised by the community. Please don’t use that as your guide!

Going to a local munch is a great idea and you can find them on Fetlife or Fabswingers. They are social meets where you can get to know your local community in a safe, non-pressured environment.

For a female perspective, I’d highly recommend WeAreX (the app for Killing Kittens) where you’ll find chat groups full of discussion about D/s dynamics. Loads of newbies seeking advice from experienced kinksters. They also run online workshops from sex educators. I’ve made lifelong friendships on there.

You absolutely need to learn a few principles before you embark on meeting anyone in person:

1. Consent - SSC or RACK
2. How to vet a Dom (there’s a LOT of fakes out there)
3. How to negotiate a scene (nothing happens that you’ve not agreed before you get undressed)
4. Safe words
5. Subspace
6. Aftercare
7. Sub drop
8. Frenzy

Happy to answer any questions but it’s a HUGE subject…

Thanks PinotPony, much appreciated that you took the time to post that. I have seen you give good advice before on here.

I tend to find some of the people on fetlife can be rather preachy about what is a dom or a sub, or a 'proper' dom or sub. I would listen to what people have to say, but pick and choose which advice you want to take up. Better you ask yourself, how do you want to feel from being a sub, and how do you want someone to dominate you? What makes you feel good when you think about it. And then find someone who you can explore that with. Munches are a good bet - there's a lot of groups on fetlife for events in the UK in specific towns. They don't do anything kinky at muches - it's just to meet other people who are kink aware. Good luck!

@MissWhiskey Posting that on MN at 1:31am on the weekend suggests you might have had a whiskey or two. 🥴
Fetlife is probably a better place to post it, if that's what you actually want - you'll probably find people who better understand Ds properly, especially aspects like consent, boundaries, respect and aftercare, though I'm sure posting here will get you some DMs if you're just wanting to sext.

i Have reported to remove. Not Whisky but you are correct!

Been there, done that. Hope you're ok.

Damn… You are a rare gem @MissWhiskey try Fetlife; they will be all over you :)