Suddenly wondering about my sexuality at 51

[Unsureofmyself74]

I have been married for 25 years and it’s always been a bit rubbish sexually. I have had good sex with men in the past though.

I have always fantasised about women when masturbating and enjoy reading lesbian erotic. I have watched lesbian porn too but not so much anymore. But my fantasies are always about women.

I am just confused as it has always been something I assumed formed part of my fantasy life as was never really interested in real life. But now I wonder if I am suppressing something - or maybe I am bisexual? I just don’t know. I can only ever orgasm when thinking about women too.

Anyone else? How did you know? Was it actually acting on it? I don’t know if I do want to act on it. Can you just have a fantasy life that turns you on but not act on it in real life?

Happy to take Dms too if someone doesn’t want to discuss publicly.

I honestly think sexuality is on a sliding scale and can shift over time for some people. Who you were 20 years ago, may not be who you are now. Embrace it.

Thanks! But how do I know if it’s just my fantasy life or something I want to explore IRL? That’s what’s confusing me. A woman tried to kiss me once and I really didn’t want to and wasn’t interested or turned on by it. But I was very turned on by watching 2 women together in porn.

Well, only you can decide that. I'm latently bisexual. I experimented a bit when younger but since being in longterm relationships with women, I haven't pursued anything oitside my then marriage, or the relationship I'm in now.

I am definitely attracted to men in terms of relationships. I suspect my interest in women/ fantasies are purely sexual. I can only ever imagine living with a man. But I mostly only fantasise about sex with women. It’s so confusing.

Not so unusual to fantasise like that when you've no inclination to act it out IRL, I'm sure. I do it a lot!

I have to say that, sex with women over the years has been a bit of an anti-climax. I haven't often satisfied them completely; including the woman I'm currently with. I occasionally wonder how much any feelings of bisexuality has played a part in that process.

The good sex I have had with other men pre my husband was very good and I enjoyed it. So it’s hard to seperate out my feelings of dissatisfaction from a sexless marriage too.

Do you mean that your sex with women has not always been good because you are also attracted to men?

Personally, I believe that everyone is sexually fluid to one degree or another; whether they would admit it or act upon it in the real world is another matter.

People have different ways of dealing with their feelings, and the choice between acting in real life and just in the mind is the most significant decision of all.

I don't see any right or wrong answers.

I write erotica to fulfil my fantasies and scratch my itch!

Enjoy life, for all you can give and receive, whatever that may be.

When you've spent your whole life telling yourself (and being told) that a proper relationship is 'man + woman' it can be hard to imagine anything different.

For me, having experiences with women in my 40s made me realise I am not only sexually attracted to and compatible with women but also capable of intense emotional connection and falling head over heels too.

I'm not sure. I've never really worked it out. I suffered with a lot of erectile dysfunction over the years, especially during Covid. I don't know whether it was anxiety or any latent bisexuality. My partner isn't the most patient person in the world so the erectile dysfunction was hard for her to take.

I do find men attractive IRL though too so it’s hard to unpack. I was in a restaurant in London yesterday and they had sketches of nudes and one was of 2 naked women breast to breast and I found it very erotic and couldn’t stop looking at it. So make of it all what you will.

I could actually have written this myself - even down to being married 25 years. I’ve recently decided that life is too short to be in a loveless / sexless marriage and have offered on a new place, for a fresh start. Feel free to message me x

As I have got older I noticed that the 'style' of my friendships changed. I am a widow and now 56, life and relationships changed suddenly for me.
I have a GF, we have enjoyed going to events as friends for 2 years before we slept together.
I chose my new username to answer you.
Recently I did have sex with a man. I think that will be my last man.
With women Friendship covers more than it does with a man. In most instances that is a good thing, babies, home, family life.
It used to be sex 80% and friendship 20%.
For me with a woman at my age it is friendship 90% sex 10%. Not everyone is the same.
Will accept DMs with pleasure.

Sounds perfect. Where did you meet?

We used to sing in a choir. Music has been a common interest.

I've never had any sexual attraction to men, ever, and I find women extremely attractive. I'm not suppressing anything I think it's normal to be purely attracted to one sex though I've heard maybe that's more common in men. Similarly I remember a gay man telling me that he simply had no sexual attraction to women and always knew he was gay.

Agree with this about some gay men and women, Just lack of reaction to the opposite sex. We see this on these threads where some women think they will try sex with a lesbian as a new excitement or experience. They can be surprised when rebuffed. Being a Lesbian usually means making a commitment to yourself and your feelings. It is not trivial.
We Bi women need to keep in our lane and think more.

I think regardless what sexuality you are, most of the population enjoy watching lesbian sex than straight or men gay sex.

I’m in a similar sort of place. I’ve realised I’m bi, I used to say “admitted” but that made it sound like a bad thing and it certainly isn’t that. I’ve only had one experience with another woman, when I was in my 20s but have always found a range of people attractive. It’s a difficult position to navigate and I recently posted about misinterpreting a text exchange with someone 😂

i think a lot of it for me is sexual fantasy only which is very enjoyable

@maxiemouslady I remember your post about the woman who changed her mind and bottled out when it looked as if you would want to meet her.
I did like the point you made about saying 'admitted' as you say hardly a confession. Do you think you need to find a woman lover now?

I’m totally straight, but if watching porn, I generally watch lesbian porn.

There’s just something about all the focus on the penis and relentless banging away in straight porn that just does nothing for me. Like you, I find two women much more erotic.

But it’s not something I have any interest in acting on in real life. In real life I am very attracted to men physically and also in a relationship sense. I wouldn’t want to have sex with a woman or be in a relrionahip with a woman.

it’s not something that I’ve ever thought about much and in fact I think it’s fairly common.

This thread is really interesting I would say I’m very far along the straight end of the spectrum. Don’t enjoy 2 women porn. Have no interest in sleeping with a woman (have kissed when younger so I’d say nothing to do with being repressed, just don’t want to take it further) However I do enjoy looking at a random naked female body waaay more than a random naked male one. And I often develop ‘crushes’ on women. But again would never want to take them further. Sexuality is fascinating

It really is isn’t it. Crushes on women was what led me to thinking about myself, how I feel and everything that comes along with it. Slightly different to how it sounds with you but seeing different peoples perspectives makes for fascinating reading.

I think I’m like you OP, I would love sex with a woman but no desire to be in a relationship with a woman. One of my best nights was when I attended at wedding with my husband. He was off getting drunk and his friends girlfriend was flirting with me. We sat drinking,‘touching each others legs and holding hands in full view. We both retired back to the hotel with our partners and really hoped our paths crossed again that night because I wanted her. That was also one of the best nights sex I had with my husband. I think about that night most weeks.