Finding a friend with benefits

[Frumpitydoo]

How does one go about finding no strings sex once one is 45 years old and celibate these past 10 years?!

I live in Derbyshire if that helps at all?!

Oh no that’s a shame. Probably better to avoid work guys anyway! Is there anyway you can expand your social circle? Sports clubs and gyms are good for meeting men but I’m sure there are other ways too! Are you too young for the divorces to start happening amongst your friends?

😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 I'm the only one of the divorces but definitely don't find any of them attractive anyway lol.

I try and socialise when I can but that tends to be more drinks and meals with friends as I don't have a unlimited pot of cash and my kids seem to spend a lot too.
Unfortunately, drinks and meals with friends doesn't tend to lead to regular connection with anyone, more the one off types who have had too much to drink so I try and avoid those.
I'd be interested to know if men were a viable option from those type sod social interactions. I have 1 or 2 single friends who do have the finances to be more "out there" with hobbies but they seem to find those are full of the one off types too. Probably quite dependent on us and them I guess.

I’m surprised about the one off comment from your hobby friends men. I know quite a few people at my gym who met there and are now in proper relationships. But obviously I don’t hear about all the ONS that are going on! I think a FWB can just be a great ONS that you both want to do again and again though. I’m sure you’ll find someone soon

I don’t understand the question really. Most friendships aren’t forever! I do have a very old friend who I ‘casually fucked’. We are both in relationships, still friends (shock horror) and even friends with each others spouses (!!!). Neither of us felt the need to declare that we have slept together 🤷‍♀️

@Gymbunny2025 clearly they never want to do it with me again 🤣 I can only laugh really or I'd actually take it to heart.
My friends have met people at walking groups and they've been fairly awful to be fair. But I have very very few single friends so I'm not sure it can count as a proper sample. The ones in relationships have been in them for a long long time so met at school or University mostly so can't compare those either.

I just keep putting myself out there and one day something will fit either for a relationship or a decent fwb set up.

Have you found someone you’d like to have a FWB yet though? Maybe you’ve not just found the right person (mutually)?

@Elixir86 do you have different criteria of what you want from a FWB compared to a relationship?

Why not? I know it might be chaos but it entirely depends on where you go.

Perhaps they’re in the Maldives!

I was thinking that you pay double the price!

but he said they’re at a swingers resort so I’m guessing prices don’t go up there over half term 😂

Oh definitely haha.
Open to a much wider age range, not so bothered by a career/home set up, what their job is and they don't have to be suitable to one day introduce to my kids lol.
Usually more about an instant something that appeals to me.

@Elixir86 excellent! You certainly don't need to be relationship compatible for a FWB to work.
My FWB and I both know we could never live together, we live very different lives and he is so messy! I would lose my mind living there! But for what it is, its great! He is great in bed (got better over time too as we learnt each other) and we have decent conversations afterwards, before one of us makes the inevitable drive home.

Sounds fab @TwilightSky
I am yet to find someone who wants to return, even the ones who I am less picky with seem to drop me before I drop them 😂 (ie don't particularly fit my physical or conversational preference but worth seeing if they are different behind closed doors)
Sometimes it's about potential.
Does give some interesting stories for people who aren't in the dating world though. Think they all live through me right now haha.

@Elixir86 potential is a good starting point, plus luck 😂
I was simply after a ONS and he was physically attractive, funny and not too drunk. It evolved from there.
I suppose to your friends, you are living the exciting life, but they don't see or experience the frustrations you do.

Age is no limit, I’m mid 40s and having more sex than ever with different ages, best time of my life. I use apps, going out on a night, or just chance meeting people throughout the day.

@TwilightSky Mine have definitely been more unintentional "ONS" 🤣 in that I did go on 2 dates with them beforehand.
I genuinely find I mostly get men have a total inability to make conversation on apps so its basically one message and it dies. Have to keep putting yourself out there though.
@Disturbia81 thats fab. Definitely not my experience but nice that it is for some. Maybe there is hope for us all!!

@Elixir86 oh, those kind of dates! They get thrir notch on their belts then move on 😫
Apps are not worth the trouble imo