How to dominate a man in bed

[Aquabluemouse]

I’m generally more submissive in the bedroom but my FWB has said it really turns him on when a woman dominates him, which I'm happy to oblige. We’ve spoken about it and he doesn’t want to be tied up and he doesn’t want to receive any significant pain (hair pulling,
a bit of scratching, gentle bites are the extent of what he would tolerate) but anything else goes.

So really I need tips on how to dominate him, ideally from both women and men on here, in a non-painful, non-restrained kind of way. Any help is much appreciated!!

This does raise a very important side to the Ds dynamic. It has to work for both of you every time. Your first responsibility, when topping, is to the welfare of your sub. You need to be able to know when it's going to stop being fun for him, before it does. You should mutually agree a "safe word", but he shouldn't ever need to use it.
This applies whether you're heading for the Ds lifestyle or when it's just a game in the bedroom. Trust is everything.
(There are plenty of online resources with real world advice, and none of it looks like 50 Shades.)

@mnmndddddyes that’s good advice. Thank you. I’m a bit frustrated that he’s said a couple of things he doesn’t want to do but being vague about what he does. I do feel like I need more guidance about what he would like because I don’t want to overstep the mark with him or do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable. I’ll try and pin him down (no pun intended) and get to the bottom (no pun intended) of what he would like when I next speak to him.

It's possible he's nervous about telling you what he wants. There's a lot of kink shaming around things like (eg) sissy or golden showers. You might want to think about how you'd handle it if he asks for something that's a turn-off for you.

rhe idea of pegging went right out the after my last prostate check 😵‍💫

Is it only me really keen to know what this guy wants to experience? A great thread with loads of suggestions, but the only sort of guide we have is that he probably wants 'more'...but we don't yet know what this might be!

Just have to suck it and see I guess...

You and me both 🤣 All I know is that it doesn’t involve pain or handcuffs, and it’s more embarrassing to him than admitting he wants me to peg him. I can’t think of anything he’s said that would even indicate what it could be. Maybe once I’ve dominated him once he’ll open up to me a bit more?

Dressing up I reckon!

Maybe worth starting outside the bedroom - i.e. leading him on and getting him worked up beforehand but making him wait (and wait some more) - that's a subtle and easy way of taking control and dominating that could be a good way of easing into it. Or keeping most of your clothes on and insisting he takes all of his off. Lots of creative ways without jumping in at the deep end.

He says he wants you to dominate him but does not want to be tied up etc.

YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN CHARGE so tell him you get to choose and start with a simple tieing of his hands behind his back , while he is naked of course...

Tie and tease is a light way to dominate and may lead anywhere...have fun

Being dominant doesn't mean being selfish and doing what you want. Being a good dominant is about allowing the submissive to enjoy and explore their submissive side while they're under the impression that you're commanding them to do these things and they're pleasing you in the process. A good dominant usually gets off on the submissive enjoying these things. It's a circle of pleasure.

It can be difficult to enjoy submissive acts with someone that isn't meeting you half way with equal dominance. This FWB will probably open up when he feels some dominance applied.

Tie and tease is about the lightest way to dominate someone who wants to explore. Either he wants her to dominate him or he doesn't, sound like he wants to remain in control and she is the servant/slave to do as he wishes so no point in coming up with her own ideas.

Topping from the bottom is not uncommon in D/s relationships (especially with female subs). As @Aquabluemouse said shes usually more submissive in the bedroom, this might actually work well for them both. (Though it sounds like there might be an inner Ms Whiplash interested in taking her first steps out into the dungeon. 😈)

I think there is a big element of truth in what you say…that he wants to remain in control and tell me what he wants me to do, and basically wants me to role play as a dominatrix along his storyboard. I don’t think he’s aware that’s what he is doing as he’s adamant he wants me to dominate him but last night he was suggesting things for me to do that I would definitely view as submissive acts from my side. Anyway, we spoke about a number of things which would and wouldn’t be acceptable to him but I’ve told him that I’m in charge now so I don’t want any further suggestions from him and I will be deciding (with the help of Mumsnet 🤣) what will happen when I next see him. He seemed surprised that I actually was taking charge and said it made him horny when I spoke to him like that 🤣

@mnmnddddd I’ll be honest, it’s something that has interested me in a very long time but I’ve never met the right person to explore that with. Now is my time… 😈

Excellent, go for it !!
Get him horny and keep him horny without a release he will love you for it.
A chastity cage (look it up) might be a good idea.
And dont forget to report back..

YOU GO GIRL!!!
#slightlyjealous

I will report back 🤣 Thanks for everyone’s help. I can’t wait!

Erm nope hes specifically stated he doesn't want to be tied up, at least initially. The OP can request he places his hands behind his head and tease him, if he moves his hands she then "punishes" him by stopping what he was enjoying but she doesn't need to actually tie him up and ignore his reasonable boundary to bring tie and tease play into their sex life

Yes try a chastity cage you can get silicon ones to start off with , 😚

I’m not generally a dominant type…I much prefer him being like that to me. But I appreciated it was sometimes be nice for him to be more on the receiving end. I must admit I was slightly apprehensive but then I thought about what did sometimes and it took away any feeling of nerves or stupidity.

I dressed up for it. Bought a basque and wore stockings which isn’t me. I went open fronted, 1/4 cup bra and had a full wax just before and was much more telling him, he better please me tonight…so a bit of a build up over a light dinner and plenty of wine!! I used a fair amount of dirty talk of what he had better do to please me, and honestly he responded brilliantly…he loved being told what to do and we did some things we don’t normally. Worth it but a bit of planning pays, especially what you might say and do. Don’t wait to figure it out on the night as spurs too much pressure on. I did also say things like he was allowed inside me until his c—k was big enough to please me etc.
Have fun

Silicone cages can look lovely, especially the coloured ones, and the idea of something soft might sound better "for beginners", but if you want him to wear it to stop him getting an erection or masturbating, their flexibility means they're dead easy for him to pull his cock out so zero use at all as a chastity device.

A superb evening! Will you both be trying it again?

You pushed your own boundaries (basque and stockings) well done and it paid off😀