Page 3 | Am I right to feel that reciprocal oral sex is the foundation of a truly respectful sex life?

SamkaSabrinka · 2025-05-22T20:16:52+00:00

Just that really. I know there is the issue of the other person's boundaries/preferences, but I wouldn't want to be with a guy who didn't completely worship all of my body, and especially my pussy. He should feel like he's approaching an altar every time, and is hugely privileged to do so. That's how I would feel when I approach his dick.

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 21:52

Namechangedforgoodreasons · 25/05/2025 12:56

Regardless of whether or not mutual oral sex is good, the talk of "worshipping" and "altars" sounds incredibly silly, cringey and like Barbara Cartland to me.

I'm sorry you couldn't catch the vibe with that. It was of course a bit tongue in (cheek) ha.

Barbara Cartland talks in euphemisms. I don't have to, and wasn't really. I do genuinely think that if a guy has a woman in front of him who opens her legs and lets him lick the most delicate, intimate and private part of herself, then he should respect and understand the significance of that. He should feel unbelievably privileged and be very careful, and he should know that he is somewhere very special. Similarly when a woman takes a guy's dick into her mouth.

So I stand by it all. If it sounds 'silly' and 'cringey' then... that's your reading of it.
My reading of your note is that it's a bit unkind of you, given that we are all here just trying to be open about our feelings and experiences. It's not good to mock anyone.

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Original poster

SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 21:56

GlasGal83 · 25/05/2025 13:09

The OP is obviously talking by hyperbole. And yet I think when you're with the right partner, worshipping is exactly what you do. Their whole body, but especially their genitalia.
My lover's penis has been instrumental in my sexual rebirth and the ecstasy I derive from it makes me want to worship it. I can think of no better word or concept to express how I feel towards it. And no better way of showing those feelings than to wrap my lips around it, taste it and tease out its juices. Probably sounding like Barbara Cartland myself now 😆

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thank you so much, yes, I agree entirely - it is exactly that. I cannot see how a benevolent penis (haha I mean really one that helps you really engage with yourself and your lover) is not worthy of absolute worship.

Also feels pretty nice worshipping it, have to say.

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Namechangedforgoodreasons · 25/05/2025 21:58

SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 21:52

I'm sorry you couldn't catch the vibe with that. It was of course a bit tongue in (cheek) ha.

Barbara Cartland talks in euphemisms. I don't have to, and wasn't really. I do genuinely think that if a guy has a woman in front of him who opens her legs and lets him lick the most delicate, intimate and private part of herself, then he should respect and understand the significance of that. He should feel unbelievably privileged and be very careful, and he should know that he is somewhere very special. Similarly when a woman takes a guy's dick into her mouth.

So I stand by it all. If it sounds 'silly' and 'cringey' then... that's your reading of it.
My reading of your note is that it's a bit unkind of you, given that we are all here just trying to be open about our feelings and experiences. It's not good to mock anyone.

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…but you’d rather I wasn’t open about my feelings!

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 21:58

AlexaAdventuress · 25/05/2025 13:54

I was fortunate in that my first real lover when I was a teenager was very keen on performing oral on me and I soon experienced orgasms more intense than I had previously achieved by masturbating on my own. I was a little apprehensive about doing oral on him, especially the possibility of ejaculation, but we started in a "safe" way, by making him come in my hand, and we both tasted it. Ever the gentleman, he went first. It wasn't bad at all, except for a slightly bitter aftertaste. I soon gave it another try, direct from the source as it were. I haven't stopped since! I'm not too keen on the term 'BJ' - fellatio is much nicer. I've had many lovers since, both men and women. I don't interview them beforehand like @StarlightLady but I seem to have no difficulty finding oral sex enthusiasts of both sexes.

Of course, not every relationship has turned out well, and I've had some partners who showed themselves to be ill tempered, manipulative and emotionally abusive, and if the relationship's not going well then neither does the oral sex. But all that's in the past thank goodness. I'm approaching my 25th anniversary as a fellatrice. Maybe I should mark it in some way.

So you very much understand the central importance of this. Hmm, you've got me thinking how you should celebrate the 25th anniversary..

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Gymbunny2025 · 25/05/2025 22:04

I looked up Barbara Cartland and don’t quite get it. Is she a bit like mills and boon? That kind of nudge/wink? Do they write about worshipping genitals and oral sex? I genuinely never knew!

GlasGal83 · 25/05/2025 22:06

SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 21:48

Bless you, I am so glad that you have found a solution/situation where you can have this unfettered pleasure. It sounds like your DH is super sensitive and this doesn't work for him, but I am really glad that you do have someone with whom you can feel this very special pleasure.

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Thank you, it's been quite a journey to get to where we are. We're still navigating the inevitable challenges brought by such a major shift in our relationship dynamics, but we both know there's no going back now.

I wanted to add that with DH, even when he still allowed me to go down there, I never felt that sense of worship we've been talking about. Perhaps it was because the pleasure his penis provided was not on the same level as what I'd had before - and what I'm having now. On a very practical level, that resulted in him never finishing in my mouth. I don't actually know if he would have wanted that - given his obsession with cleanliness I'd say probably not, but we simply never had that discussion. I instinctively knew it wasn't right with him.

When I first started seeing my fwb and oral happened, I was so out of practice I hadn't even considered how it might end. But when it came to it (or rather when he came ha ha) there wasn't even a question of me spitting it out. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to take what came out of that object of worship and make it a part of me. I realise swallowing may not be for everyone and I'm not suggesting that one can't give a great bj without doing that, but I wonder if there is a connection between the tendency to worship and the desire to ingest.

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 22:07

Namechangedforgoodreasons · 25/05/2025 21:58

…but you’d rather I wasn’t open about my feelings!

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No, I'd rather you didn't denigrade someone else's genuine attempt to describe their feelings. The words 'silly' 'cringey' and likening what they've said to stylised romantic drivel (sorry B C) is not accepting or positive.

Others are explaining their sexual experiences. You are mocking how one of them chose to describe that.

How about the actual question? How do you feel about giving and receiving oral sex? Is it important or not?

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 22:08

Gymbunny2025 · 25/05/2025 22:04

I looked up Barbara Cartland and don’t quite get it. Is she a bit like mills and boon? That kind of nudge/wink? Do they write about worshipping genitals and oral sex? I genuinely never knew!

No, she doesn't - isn't at all explicit. But there is swooning and worshipping. Although not at the altar of the wet pussy or the slippery tip, as far as I'm aware.

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 22:10

GlasGal83 · 25/05/2025 22:06

Thank you, it's been quite a journey to get to where we are. We're still navigating the inevitable challenges brought by such a major shift in our relationship dynamics, but we both know there's no going back now.

I wanted to add that with DH, even when he still allowed me to go down there, I never felt that sense of worship we've been talking about. Perhaps it was because the pleasure his penis provided was not on the same level as what I'd had before - and what I'm having now. On a very practical level, that resulted in him never finishing in my mouth. I don't actually know if he would have wanted that - given his obsession with cleanliness I'd say probably not, but we simply never had that discussion. I instinctively knew it wasn't right with him.

When I first started seeing my fwb and oral happened, I was so out of practice I hadn't even considered how it might end. But when it came to it (or rather when he came ha ha) there wasn't even a question of me spitting it out. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to take what came out of that object of worship and make it a part of me. I realise swallowing may not be for everyone and I'm not suggesting that one can't give a great bj without doing that, but I wonder if there is a connection between the tendency to worship and the desire to ingest.

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I agree, there's never been a thought in my mind not to swallow. It feels the obviousi thing to do.

Having said that, with an ex with whom there was significant emotional abuse, I did feel upset doing it. But then I felt upset all together.

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SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 22:18

dogfishman · 25/05/2025 16:40

This is a super interesting thread. Middle aged chap here. Millions of people worldwide get by without oral. But on the basis of my experience to date, the relationships with the potential to endure for me have been ones where I couldn’t wait to ‘worship at the altar’. Many men start off life surprisingly prudish and discovering how much I love giving oral to an enthusiastic partner has been a beautiful thing.
And if she also enjoys giving - wow. It’s her desire for me that is the biggest thrill of them all.

Yes, this is it! Exactly the answer I was hoping someone else might come up with. Because this is where I think the truth lies.

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AlexaAdventuress · 25/05/2025 22:28

I'm so happy to hear that you've found a way to enjoy intimate life again @GlasGal83 It's like stepping through the looking glass into another world, after a long period of disappointment when it hasn't been working well.

I know what you mean @SamkaSabrinka My relationship with the ex I call 'Mr. manipulator' took place when I was around 28-30 - I can't believe I let it go on for nearly 2 years. But after a while it was very hard to enjoy sex; it just felt awkward and uncomfortable. Getting out of that relationship and the attendant period of depression made me realise I had to make sure I worked hard to put things into my life that gave me pleasure. Little things like decent coffee every day, accumulating a wardrobe (then a whole spare bedroom) full of shoes, and relevant to this conversation, good sex with people I found attractive on my own terms.

Original poster

SamkaSabrinka · 25/05/2025 22:40

AlexaAdventuress · 25/05/2025 22:28

I'm so happy to hear that you've found a way to enjoy intimate life again @GlasGal83 It's like stepping through the looking glass into another world, after a long period of disappointment when it hasn't been working well.

I know what you mean @SamkaSabrinka My relationship with the ex I call 'Mr. manipulator' took place when I was around 28-30 - I can't believe I let it go on for nearly 2 years. But after a while it was very hard to enjoy sex; it just felt awkward and uncomfortable. Getting out of that relationship and the attendant period of depression made me realise I had to make sure I worked hard to put things into my life that gave me pleasure. Little things like decent coffee every day, accumulating a wardrobe (then a whole spare bedroom) full of shoes, and relevant to this conversation, good sex with people I found attractive on my own terms.

Again, I couldn't agree more. I do think it is a watershed moment, when one realises one can hand-pick sexual partners, purely for pleasure. It is indeed a revelation, and changes the world.

Shoes sound good too : )

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Catullus5 · 26/05/2025 02:12

Worshipping is nice. So is being worshipped.

It would be a sad, cynical world if that could only be understood as a cheesy old-fashioned metaphor, but happily it's not that world.

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:08

yorkshireteabagman · 24/05/2025 13:33

If I fancy a punch in the face from the wife tonight in the bedroom, I will ask her to worship me down below

Yep 100% agree, I would also get pretty short thrift .
a lot of people don’t live in the real world

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 19:13

But no one is saying you ask someone else to worship you! Just that if you are like that yourself it’s best to pick a partner that is the same! It can’t be forced/requested though that’s kind of the point

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:14

AlexaAdventuress · 25/05/2025 13:54

I was fortunate in that my first real lover when I was a teenager was very keen on performing oral on me and I soon experienced orgasms more intense than I had previously achieved by masturbating on my own. I was a little apprehensive about doing oral on him, especially the possibility of ejaculation, but we started in a "safe" way, by making him come in my hand, and we both tasted it. Ever the gentleman, he went first. It wasn't bad at all, except for a slightly bitter aftertaste. I soon gave it another try, direct from the source as it were. I haven't stopped since! I'm not too keen on the term 'BJ' - fellatio is much nicer. I've had many lovers since, both men and women. I don't interview them beforehand like @StarlightLady but I seem to have no difficulty finding oral sex enthusiasts of both sexes.

Of course, not every relationship has turned out well, and I've had some partners who showed themselves to be ill tempered, manipulative and emotionally abusive, and if the relationship's not going well then neither does the oral sex. But all that's in the past thank goodness. I'm approaching my 25th anniversary as a fellatrice. Maybe I should mark it in some way.

Agreed with the “interview “ comment, i think sex is natural between 2 consenting adults, not too keen on the “checklist “ before hand approach,

dogfishman · 27/05/2025 19:19

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:08

Yep 100% agree, I would also get pretty short thrift .
a lot of people don’t live in the real world

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It's short shrift BeEagerTurtle. As you were...

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:22

dogfishman · 27/05/2025 19:19

It's short shrift BeEagerTurtle. As you were...

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Apologies- wasn’t wearing my glasses 👓

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 19:22

My thought process was: isn’t it short shrift? Maybe it’s thrift and I say it wrong. What does shrift even mean 😂😂. You saved me a google!

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 19:26

I just did google and wish I hadn’t. Good olde English! I’m assuming you didn’t mean literally @BeEagerTurtle😂

yorkshireteabagman · 27/05/2025 20:19

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 19:13

But no one is saying you ask someone else to worship you! Just that if you are like that yourself it’s best to pick a partner that is the same! It can’t be forced/requested though that’s kind of the point

of course! (I mean it would be nice 😄). Depends on the stage of life doesn't it. As a grown adult picking a partner I'd probably be looking for far more things than I was as a late teen, when I'm not sure being worshipped was on the tick list

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 20:28

Ha ha true! I think I must have been very lucky in the sexual partners I’ve had as I’ve always felt (and have) worshipped! Tongue in cheek obviously but I can’t think of a better word atm! I do think once you’ve had that you would never revert to someone not wanting you like that

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SamkaSabrinka · 27/05/2025 20:56

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:08

Yep 100% agree, I would also get pretty short thrift .
a lot of people don’t live in the real world

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I have been there, in the long long term relationship with children, and feeling that you have to work around what you've got in the other person, because that is what you've got. A wise friend once said that marriage isn't about how much you can put up with, it's about how little you can get by on.

Now out of that relationship (a somewhat turbulent descent and landing, that's all I'll say, but thank God now through customs, got what's left of the belongings and out into the air and hailing taxis...) ... now out of that, I've been through a long process of working out what next. And my conclusion (after quite a bit of targeted research and analysis) is that I want to go back to Day 1. I feel best starting again. I feel good where just someone holding my hand feels amazing. And definitely, definitely I like a guy who starts by ... here we go ... worshipping between my legs. Who can't wait to prise them open (I'm still working on relaxing my boundaries..) and remind me what actual sexual love is all about.

In my case, this seems to be young guys. They love pussy. Older ones are mostly in the kind of real world you describe, eager turtle, so they don't much feature.

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SamkaSabrinka · 27/05/2025 21:00

Gymbunny2025 · 27/05/2025 19:13

But no one is saying you ask someone else to worship you! Just that if you are like that yourself it’s best to pick a partner that is the same! It can’t be forced/requested though that’s kind of the point

actually I think truly good sexual relationships do have, as their foundation, reciprocal worshipping (haha we've coined a term there, haven't we?!).

That was my question. And I know it's hard to discuss. Because lots of people don't have that, and they have sexual relationships which may be the less rich for it. This isn't about judgement. It's mostly about the reciprocity. For example, if a guy goes down on me, and I don't want to on him, what does that actually mean in our relationship?

Not an example from my own life but thinking of others.

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StarlightLady · 27/05/2025 21:17

BeEagerTurtle · 27/05/2025 19:14

Agreed with the “interview “ comment, i think sex is natural between 2 consenting adults, not too keen on the “checklist “ before hand approach,

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For people knocking the so called “interview”, what about the condom discussion, individual boundaries and contraception? So l see no reason why oral should not be discussed as well.

Consenting adults need to consider consequences jointly.