I am in a sexless marriage. I think I want a FWB. Maybe. But where to start???

[JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff]

Right, I have ALL the issues going on.

Am 45. DH health means he cannot/ will not have sex. It's been years. I am so so horny if I'm honest.

I don't think he's going to change. I kinda want to explore with someone else.

Plus, I think I am into sub stuff, which he never has been.

But don't know where to start!

I am in okay shape - I think - but I've had 3 children and like I say, am 45, so my body isn't perfect like a 25yo. So I feel a bit self-conscious for something like going to a Killing Kittens event.

I also feel rusty. I haven't given oral for ages e.g. or done much of anything.

....I want to find someone with a bit of patience who can kinda take me by the hand and get me started again. Is that a thing? Where would I even start to find someone like that????

I've PM'd you Johnny

I imagine quite a few others are going to PM you too after that....!

And everyone else 😂

That’s what I was thinking 😂😂.

Good for you! Hope you are having fun with the PMs! Be selective, do not hesitate to block anyone who makes you uncomfortable, be safe and have a great time. If you would like to talk to a woman who has taken the plunge in the last few months (you are welcome to review my posting history,) feel free to PM me!

Hi Nina, thanks, might do!

Yeah, I've been on MN long enough to know about PMs etc.

I am mostly interested in how to get started from other women who have done this.

Like, does it matter I'm 45? Is that too old?

Did you use specific sites?

Did you just text people at first or jump right in?

I feel like I am 18 again and figuring out the uni dating scene!

45 is not too old! I’m older😀

I used Illicit encounters, if you sign up expect to be swamped with offers! Like I said, be selective! Some saucy messaging is a great way to build confidence. I’ve also heard good things about Feeld

Okay thanks. I'm definitely thinking about it.

It's weird, I spend quite a lot of time in the gym and I feel fairly confident in my body there - but this feels like a whole nother level of exposure! Which I guess it is!

May I ask if you've discussed this with your husband?

https://www.freedating.co.uk

As per previous post, try this
Good luck x

Honestly @JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff ?

You start by talking to your husband. You don't open up your marriage without him having a say in it.

100% this ^^, have you thought about the implications of this ?

you need a heart to heart or maybe even a divorce

Try Feeld.
I would suggest speaking to your H before going down this route though.

Start messaging some of the blokes here including me and see how it goes.. 😂

To those saying tell DH - we haven't had sex for almost 7 years. His decision.

We have talked many, many times about it. He has said he is fine with no sex, but he will go to the GP to address his ED. And then, he doesn't. And he would only do that "for me", he doesn't actually want sex himself.

So my choices are - divorce and split up my family, or accept that from aged 38 I would never have sex again, or nag someone who doesn't really want sex till he agrees.

I am not 100% I am going to do this but right now it feels like the least-worst option.

I think you have every right to seek a FWB, and I don’t think you need to say anything to H - he clearly doesn’t want or need sex, and is completely letting you down in that department, so really has no right to complain.

I admire that you’ve stayed with him for so long for the sake of your family - seven years is just ridiculous.

There are many good, decent men in exactly the same boat, so maybe try to get to know one.

I can’t imagine anything worse than online dating Apps, they’re just grim.

I wish you well and hope you find happiness and fulfilment.

Your body is absolutely fine. Great, even. I find the swinging scene amazing for body confidence, seeing so many different shapes, sizes, ages, etc having a good time is bloody marvellous.

But even if you just want one to one encounters, unless you only want to fuck Greek gods, other people will also have 'imperfect' bodies, and will adore yours. Honestly. I promise you, you are not too old.

(I'm 53. Left a sexless marriage a couple of years back. Was quite fit when we split up but definitely not a twenty year old body! Have a (very much not Greek god) boyfriend who I'm obsessed with, and having lots of sex and a lovely time.)

I want to find someone with a bit of patience who can kinda take me by the hand and get me started again.

And dear god, if you put something like that on e.g. a Feeld bio, you will be inundated with horny doms 😂

My tips are to pay for whatever app you choose, and make your profile incognito so you can look at people and only people you like can see you - much less overwhelming. And just be up front about what you want.

There's a difference between having a

"I want sex with you" conversation and a

"I'm going to fuck someone else" conversation.

I'm not saying his decision to not have sex with you in 7 years is ok. But your decision to have sex outside your marriage without his knowledge is on you.

That's not marriage. It's a farce.

Unless you’ve been in that situation I don’t think you are in a situation to comment.

what if everything, except the physical aspect of the relationship, is fine if hubby isn’t interested OP should have the right to make a decision

Why do you assume I haven't been?

OP is bound by her promises to her partner imo. That's when she made her decisions.

If she wants to change her promises, then she talks to him before she does so.

You can’t have been or you would understand where the OP is coming from. It’s not an easy decision taking that step to have a fuvkbuddy and betraying a relationship,not for everyone anyway)

Is her hubby also made promises to her, he can’t just say I’m withholding physical contact and assume everything is fine.

I completely understand.

Adults talk about these things. They end things if they want sex that much and the other partner doesn't. They don't betray their partners.

Yes, it really is that simple. Love isn't lying.

If you're 'so so horny' you're about to hit menopause. Hormones levels changing can have this effect on some women (did with me). But, in your circumstances, I can see why you'd want a FWB.

Oh, and watch out you don't fall head over heels for someone else in this situation. It happened to me. I was in a sexless marriage too - from a similar age to what you were (37-38) - although different circumstances. I lived with it and accepted that's the way things were. However, hormones went mental at your age (45) and, let's say, I woke up! Started to seek out male attention. Could no longer stand living the way I was. Met someone (married - started as a friendship)who has been in my life since I was 45 (now 52) who I have fallen for. I really wish this hadn't have happened but we get on a lot better than I did with my ex. Sadly, a mixture of guilt on his side and the fact he can never be mine has led me to feel like 💩. I divorced my husband after realising a lot - about what was missing from my marriage.

Not only are you missing sex, you're also missing affection and, probably, connection. You will come to realise that in time. I think you are starting to search out your needs and desires. A divorce would be my first consideration (especially after what my experience has shown me). Don't feel pressured into staying in a sexless marriage.

I'm now alone in life as my feelings for someone else are stopping me meeting anyone available.

Listen to what your heart is telling you.