Anyone logged frequency of sex with partner?

[TheGreatBear]

I don't have a great head for remembering specifics, so a while back I used an app on my phone each morning to record whether any sex had taken place the day before. It takes literally a second to respond to the reminder, and a smiley icon means good and non-smiley bad.

It started because I was unhappy with the lack of frequency and wanted to know what say the average per month was without guessing. Fast-forward to now and I now have several years history recorded.

I'm not sure I would ever share this info with my partner, as I have an unease about what it possibly says about me.

Any thoughts on either the concept or what you would say if your partner told you they had done similar?

TBH I would see this as controlling if it were a woman.

But yes, there are a disproportionate number of many men on this topic.

There is a hugely disproportionate number of men on the sex board, it's highly creepy. They can usually be found mentioning out of context what skilful lovers they are

I noticed that is can be very difficult for one t-girl to have a date with another.
I made a point of asking any t-girl I met about this.
The reason is that most of them had long term partners which restricted their
ability to meet other t-girls. When I investigated this almost all of them
said that when they started this relationship the op was very interested in sex
but over time, their partner lost interest.
I strongly suspect that most of the strange sexual activities most men indulge in
are because of either their inability to be able to form relationships with women and/ or the fact that many women over time lose their interest in sex faster than their male partner does.

What's a "t-girl"?

Oh, hang on. You mean a transgirl or transwoman.

What have TW to do with the subject being discussed on this thread?
Did you post in the wrong place?

This thread is about frequency of sex with partner. From my experience and from what others have told me, it does seem in many relationships that start off quite well the woman's interest in sex within the relationship usually declines, over time, slightly faster than her male partner would have liked.

No.
The thread is about whether or not it is acceptable to make a long list, going back years, about the frequency of sex in a relationship.

It has nothing particularly to do with transwomen and I don't know why you added your comment about TW.

What a bizarre post @john123A

Have you read the OP?

I’ve named changed for this as I am genuinely surprised it’s so controversial. I am a man and this is the only post under this username to get that out of the way.

I use a designated couples sex app for improved intimacy and relationships to log our sex frequency. My partner is aware I do this and as it’s a couples app she also has access to the shared calendar. I log if sex happens and sex for us isn’t solely classed as PIV as is seemingly assumed on this thread it also has a comments box where I’ll make a note if something was particularly good or different ie hotel.

I am sure to some of your disgust I also log the start of her period which the App will predict the whole cycle including ovulation period and the start of the next cycle it also has AI learning and has become increasingly more accurate.

What this has improved-

We realised we were having more sex than we thought we having. especially when we didn’t focus on PIV and logged everything.

We can see which days are our most popular which helped us shift some focus away from weekends

it helped us plan weekends away without children better as we have had some that have clashed with her cycle and she isn’t a fan of period sex.

We can see in the 3 years I’ve been logging that we are consistent in our frequency and ebb and flow in similar months.

it has helped us schedule in some intimacy when we’ve noticed a gap whilst also allowing for spontaneous sex.(The app will let you plan forward) and keeps it confidential out of our other calendars.

The cons are few but making sure it’s accurate and logging can be a pain but Ive daily food logged previously and it’s nowhere near as time consuming as that.

@TheGreatBear hope that’s useful.
May it’s the secrecy aspect that has triggered the responses that are negative. We are a tech savvy couple who chose to use the tech available to help our lives which it has but I am prepared to be told I am a controlling dick along with the other thousands of users of the app. And finally I log it because she can’t be arsed and she designated it my job.

That’s the difference though. You are doing it together. The OP has said that she or he is doing it without their partner knowing. That is the issue.

The thing is, even if it's with her consent, all of this makes me feel as if sex is being timetabled, rather than just happening spontaneously. Doesn't feel especially joyous!

But yes, if it's for both of you/with her consent, then it's very different from the OP's post/behaviour.

@Benefitsoflogging

You and your wife jointly using an app to log sexual activity and her menstrual cycle is quite different from the OP secretly and unilaterally logging their sex life. Surely you can see that?
Nobody could possibly call you controlling if this is something you both do.

Did you read the OP?

Yes, I've done this. Just a little mark in my diary. I started doing it because our sex life was dwindling. I am female. My DH seemed to be rejecting me a lot and we were going months without sex. I wanted to know exactly how long we were leaving it between having sex, as I was so frustrated. We have actually now solved the problem, with meds that my DH takes that increase sex drive, and are having sex almost every day, so I have stopped tracking it.

I did read all of the op and all of the thread. To be fair having slept on it. It is the secrecy aspect that I did mention which I agree is different. I should have in hindsight told @TheGreatBear that if they feel the way they do that they do need to have discussion with their partner and if there is consent to use a joint App and be more open. This though can be difficult as in a lot of cases i would imagine it will be the higher desire partner that may wants to log.

However I think what triggered me was the assumption of some that any form of logging or journaling of such an important part of many people’s relationships it weird or creepy is just very unfair.

Also as mentioned above after my PP that sex is somehow a worse/ sterile kind of sex is again really unfair. Not everyone is good to go with busy work and family life in their late 40s. People who have much more elaborate sex that involves dress up and equipment must plan surly or do they have their spanking bench in the front room with a table cloth over it?

it certainly worked for us and it may work for others. For the benefits I’ve mentioned. There’s loads of other things in theas type of apps like date night ideas and fun bedroom games. I wouldn’t want people being put off giving it a go but I am fully aware that it’s not for everyone and appreciate everyone is different.

@Benefitsoflogging
I'm pretty sure that people were objecting to the OP doing the logging on their own, in secret, without letting their partner know.

I can't see any posts where anyone has taken issue with a couple logging their sex lives together.

No problem we’ve interpreted the data differently. I am off to buy a new large tablecloth to help with my new found joyful spontaneity 👏

No problem: we’ve interpreted the data differently

We haven't interpreted anything differently because literally nobody mentioned joint logging until you did.