Anyone logged frequency of sex with partner?

[TheGreatBear]

I don't have a great head for remembering specifics, so a while back I used an app on my phone each morning to record whether any sex had taken place the day before. It takes literally a second to respond to the reminder, and a smiley icon means good and non-smiley bad.

It started because I was unhappy with the lack of frequency and wanted to know what say the average per month was without guessing. Fast-forward to now and I now have several years history recorded.

I'm not sure I would ever share this info with my partner, as I have an unease about what it possibly says about me.

Any thoughts on either the concept or what you would say if your partner told you they had done similar?

I don’t think you get to take a condescending stance just because I wrongly assumed that you were a man. What you’re doing, without your partner’s knowledge, is wrong. It doesn’t matter what shape your genitalia are.

Definitely a bloke 😀

Mermaid, I do not think that you were wrong to assume he is a man.

The posting history is very, very circumspect.

@TheShellBeach oh really? Thank you for letting me know 💗

I was in a financially and emotionally abusive marriage. He also did this. I found out after week 5. Of course it was all my fault and I made him do it. We split later that year. 10 years ago but I will never forget the feeling I felt when I found out he had been keeping a tally chart of no sex days.

Just fucking wrong.

The only time it keeping track of sex is ok is when as a couple, you are trying for a baby and need to log dates etc or if there’s a medical concern.

Sorry you went through that x

I'm not sure I would ever share this info with my partner, as I have an unease about what it possibly says about me.

That ‘unease’ is because you know that doing it is wrong and creepy. You won’t tell your partner because you think you’ll be single afterwards. I feel very sorry for them being with someone like you.

There’s a lot of trolls and made up stories on this board, I hope this is one of them.

If dh told me that he'd made a bit of a note, e.g. a ❤️ on a page of a diary, I can't imagine being bothered if there was no history of him trying to blame me or pull me up over. It doesn't seem any different to keeping a log of how often he shits.

I keep a journal of my day to day general life - very private and for my own use only - and if we've had some good sex (or even if it's been rather mediocre) then I make a note of it. I thought a lot of people did that? Didn't realise I was a pervert 🤷

There are some weirdly highly strung people getting upset on here. You are allowed to record about your life however you see fit. It is not creepy or controlling unless and until you share it or use it to manipulate. If it’s just for your personal interest it’s no different to a diary!

Really.

For the avoidance of doubt, the majority of posters agree that this is creepy behaviour.

Not liking the thought of our sexual partner listing and scoring all our sexual activity for years, doesn't make us "weirdly highly strung".

I used to cut a notch in the bedpost every time - but after a couple of months the bed collapsed due to weakening of the bedpost.

@DonnaBanana I don’t think I’ve ever been considered sexually highly strung before! Having someone record data about you, without your knowledge leaves you open to them falsifying the information and then using it against you in the future. Consent is crucial in intimate relationships. Otherwise there’s a power imbalance and that leads to all sorts of issues.

If it's just an X or a ❤️ or whatever on a page, with no other identifying info at all, then how is it info about you? It's info about that person only, surely? How is that any different from tracking your periods or ovulation, or any other personal bodily functions such as bowel habits, food eaten etcetc?

We don’t decide when to menstruate or go to the toilet. The OP said they were unhappy with the frequency of sex, their partner was choosing not to have sex. There is a difference.

If someone tracked my ovulation I'd consort super weird?

Consider*

This

Neither do people choose to have migraines; finding the triggers means having to track everything.

Sometimes, if there's a problem then rudimentary notes like the op talks about can help you spot patterns that might help find a solution.

What does the reason matter anyway? It's neither here nor there why someone might keep a track but if there's no identifying information, like if it's nothing more than a simple x, it isn't your personal data. There's nothing about you there.

I meant it's no different from me tracking my own periods and ovulation. Tracking when we have sex as well would obviously be helpful should I catch on in knowing how far along I'd be.

But the inference from the OP is that he's doing this tracking because he believes he has an issue with the amount of sex his wife is 'allowing' him - therefore once he's gathered his data, he will be doing something with that information.

Completely different from tracking your own bodily functions.

And creepy and controlling.

I can't see anything in the op's posts either on this thread or their limited history that says they're a man. I read it as if they're wondering whether they actually have as little sex as they feel or if it's more so began tracking out of interest. They also said they had done this for a while and hadn't ever brought it up: "I'm not sure I would ever share this info with my partner, as I have an unease about what it possibly says about me," which suggests it is little more than a non-specific record. Nothing more.

I take it you wouldn’t ever keep a diary and mention other people in it then. Which is a totally normal thing people do. In private.

OK @ButteryBiscuitBaseBiscuitBase

But the inference from the OP is that she's doing this tracking because she believes she has an issue with the amount of sex her partner is 'allowing' her - therefore once she's gathered her data, she will be doing something with that information.

Completely different from tracking your own bodily functions.

And creepy and controlling.

You make a very valid point about my assumptions of the OP's sex. (But I still think it's a man from the way they write all their posts - on their other thread too).

I used to cycle to work. After a bit I thought it would be good to track my speed and time on my phone, looking at the results every day.

I saw some improvements but after a while realised my times were more dependant of traffic lights, waits at junctions etc. than my fitness.

Looking and obsessing over my times took the fun out of the cycle. The physical benefits were being overtaken by a desire to cut my times.

I deleted the app. Far better to enjoy the journey, take in the views.

I was wondering why lots of responses here were sounding mad. Now I get it’s because most of you think OP is a man and he’s being controlling as his wife/partner is not giving him enough. I read it as woman taking this details because up until now I never realised men were on this forum. Not sure why I thought otherwise, maybe the mum in the title.