Partner has become selfish in the bedroom?

[Littleredhead95]

Name change as this is a very personal subject. 😶‍🌫️ So I've been with my partner for 6 years, I've always been into bdsm (submissive).. it isn't really his kink but we always made it 50/50 so I would help him indulge in his fantasies and I'm open to pretty much anything, he was always open to doing what I liked.. we bought the toys and well.. use your imagination 😂 we are pretty kitted out in the bdsm department. Over the last few years it has become all about him, I've talked to him numerous times about how I feel unheard and that I'm not satisfied In the bedroom. We have great sex but I feel like there's something missing, he won't even do the tame beginner level acts any more. I genuinely feel like this is a massive part of me that has been taken away.. It all came to blows the other night, I made an effort to get myself dressed up and looking good in some of my kinkiest clothes and went downstairs to the lounge in an effort to tease him a little before heading to the bedroom. He started pulling me towards him and was obviously just going to go for it there and then, I told him that we should go upstairs and "play" around like we use to. I went upstairs waiting for him to join me but he never showed up 😂 I went downstairs and there he was.. fully naked lying on the couch! I lost it, told him he was selfish and that I'd had enough of never feeling fulfilled with our sex life. I went upstairs, wiped the war paint off and got changed into the ugliest baggiest top I could find. 🙈 he did try to apologise but I couldn't even stand to talk to him so I just went to bed. We have had sex a couple of times since and he has still made 0 effort to do what I like. 🙄 should I just resign to a boring sex life?! I literally cannot make it any clearer when telling him what I want and I get nowhere! Before anyone says about just withholding sex It won't make a difference, he has a low sex drive and wouldn't be bothered In the slightest 😂 I on the other hand would be.. something is better than nothing 🙈

Thanks for reading if you got this far.. what are your thoughts?

OP, do you vary your own sexual repertoire? Do you like to play bottom all the time, or do you also simply have unscripted sex without a top/bottom/BDSM element? If not, then why not?

Me too

It's not sexual assault if it's consensual

Oh god I've really started something here.. I told him to talk to his wife about it, not to just go for it 🙈 why take offence to something and twist someone's words?! I said most women like it.. or atleast the majority that I know! And yes I'm open to trying new things out, I've always told him that I want to know his fantasies so we can heighten our sex life and keep eachother happy! Also he is far from traumatised, I've always told him if he was against it and didn't feel comfortable then to let me know 😂 Jesus.. I should probably learn not to come to mumsnet for advice as you get so many catty comments! Thanks to the ladies that understood what I meant, enjoy your spankings! 😜 also if you're happy to settle for the same sex day in, day out then good for you.. we are all unique!

@Cowlover89 in law
'a person is unable to consent to the infliction of harm that results in actual bodily harm or other more serious injury or, by extension, to their own death, for the purposes of obtaining sexual gratification.'

A lot of what is described as rough sex might amount to actual bodily harm.

How do you hold the fishing rod when all the other stuff is going on?

@FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar I don't get what you mean? 😂😂 I carp fish so you cast out, put the rod on the bite alarm and do whatever you want to do while you wait for a big fat carp to come along!

@NashvilleQueen there are safe words for a reason lovely.. not only that but it really isn't that extreme 👀🤭

🙄 it's not that rough. Calm down. And safe words get used.

Not that I use safe words as I trust my partner. He knows how rough I like it

How have so many women bought into the idea that its sexy to be abused? What a fucked up world we live in.

From what I understand the majority of women enjoy some kind of rough sex 👀
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The majority of women enjoy decent sex, for some that includes rough sex and for many it doesn't. Through porn many men assume all like it and treat women accordingly, between consensual couples such as yourself and your partner then of course it's not an issue, but it is a problem when the narrative that women also like it and it becomes an accepted part of sex that some women feel unable to say no to.

It seems you're sexually not compatible, you either accept life together will invariably be conversations like this and attempting to meet in the middle with you probably feeling frustrated and him feeling uncomfortable doing stuff he isn't really into.

Getting spanked and hair pulled is not getting abused.

This is spot on! 👌

It's bollocks that most women enjoy rough sex.

@Seashellies you may be right, we may not be compatible but it's certainly worth trying to save! If it doesn't work this time then I won't keep pushing the subject. He took to it straight away when I first told him what I liked, went and bought a load of toys without even a gentle nudge and he fell straight into it.. seemed to love it and one day it just suddenly stopped. I've no idea why and he has no explanation as to why.. anyway we are going to give it another go so here's to hoping it works! 🥂😈

@StoatofDisarray speak for yourself 😊

In what world?

@Ws2210 In a world where it is wanted and consensual 👀 some people have kinks wether that's around feet, finance, piss, shit.. unless you're into it you won't get it, all of the above is weird to me but aslong are you're happy and not harming anyone (in an unwanted way 😂) then there's no problem. Don't be so close minded!

I fucking love it 😀 and don't feel abused at all. It's consensual between me and my partner.

Better not mention I love to get chocked too 🙊

This. As the victim of only an attempt rape, and being more scared he would kill me, I honestly don’t understand the attraction.

What the fuck is fun about being forced into sex?

Uhh ohhh 🙈🙈 I thought I'd better not mention that!

@Ridiculousme I have also been through some traumatic experiences, the two don't even compare! Rape ect isn't consensual.

Same here. I've experienced some trauma and they are no way the same.