Where can an unhappily married woman get sex without having an affair?

[PhryneFisher]

I’ve posted before, I’m in a sexless, pretty much loveless (from my perspective) marriage, but at the moment, I have lots of things going on and don’t want the stress of a separation/divorce on top of it all.
But my husband is far too lazy to ever bother with sex, whereas I am highly sexed and want it regularly.
I also want to go with a woman at least once but not a threesome,
Is anyone in a similar boat and can recommend a way for me to get what I want without having an affair (because I can’t be bothered with all the sneaking about), or being murdered by a stranger?

if you’ve done similar, how did you do it and how did it work out for you?

Certainly in a similar boat in terms of lack of sex, and the last person you'll want commenting on this is a single guy, but I'd say explore the thread regarding paying for sex. If you are highly sexed and unhappily married, can't entertain an affair with a tinder date, or other online random, then your options will be a little limited, unfortunately. Sex clubs are the only place that springs to mind, you'll have the anonymity to explore, but no affair required, also access to women/men. Good luck, no sex is truly difficult to sustain, especially when you are horny.

Killing Kittens any good?

Hi all,

Just bringing in the male perspective if that helps? I tried killing kittens but it was a little bit too throw away for me. I really enjoy getting to know someone and having that spark, which makes everything in the bedroom far more intense anyway.

I just get out there and end up meeting women who are either single or wiyh someone but looking for something better sexually/enjoy some evenings out.

In answer to OP I think anything will qualify as an affair if sexual, but you that doesn't mean it's needs to be with a view to leaving, especially if you just want to have some much needed attention and feel wanted. Lots of guys would love to give you that, just make sure you find ones who respect you too :)

M.

When you've crossed that line it's cheating. You can dress it up however you at you like it if it makes you feel better. It's sneaking around behind your partners back.

Or, you can let the thread run and the OP get some advice without judging her.

Just a thought. It's her life.

@GentlemanJay Maybe it is, technically. But maybe he should have thought of that before leaving me in this situation.
I have tried literally everything I can think of.
And we get on well enough, although it’s more as mates, I think. But we live together and work together so a separation/divorce would be a massive hassle.

As much as I agree with you this is yet another double standard of MN
If this was a guy asking the same thing they would be torn to shreds and be getting called scum of the earth

As for how to do it OP
Have a look on fab I'm sure you'll find a woman to hook up with

I once had an arrangement with a married woman. Similar situation to the OP.
She caught feelings though and wanted exclusivity. I was single and very much playing the field, so it had to end. Fun while it lasted though.

Options seem to be:

Live with current frustration
End marriage
Agree with husband to an open marriage
Secret affair
Secret FWB/flings
See an escort

If you don’t want to live with current frustration, or end the marriage, or have a sustained and serious affair, that leaves agreeing to open the marriage, or secret FWB/flings, or seeing an escort.

The reality is that anything other than opening the marriage would also involve a degree of ‘sneaking about’, as it would have to be kept secretive. (Not judging FWB etc, but you said you're averse to the whole sneaking around thing.)

Seems to me the only options left involve talking with your husband: either to end the marriage, or open it. I can’t see any other options given the parameters you’ve set yourself.

Try illicit encounters, I’m sure you will get plenty of messages if you just want some NSA sex.

I'm assuming you've discussed the lack of sex with him and your needs?

I'd say try to negotiate a way of getting what you need with your husband's agreement. Sneaking around is really hard work and sooner or later, someone is certain to get hurt. (I say that from my experience and that of friends.)

It sounds like you've talked to him about not having sex. Have you tried talking to him about your needs, how it would help you to have them met and how he'd feel if you were to have sex with someone else? If you can try to use "I statements", focus on explaining how you feel, and avoid accusations.

Is this similar to recommending someone a good electrician? I hope he has decent reviews?

I think everyone knows a good electrician...

Paying for sex, that's just grim. Whether you’re buying a man or woman, it’s unethical and often involves a person who is in some way vulnerable. It’s a very selfish thing to do as some sort of easier option for you.

Someway vulnerable? Like all the women on Only Fans. Working the hours they want. I'm n the safety of their own homes. Fitting it round their home life and childcare. Making a fortune.

They are not vulnerable.

To Maxtalk

Yes he's on a website. He's got excellent displayed verifications. He also has an interest in slow erotic massage which seems to go down well.

Someway vulnerable? Like all the women on Only Fans. Working the hours they want. I'm n the safety of their own homes. Fitting it round their home life and childcare. Making a fortune.

They are not vulnerable.

You will be telling me next that it’s empowering.

I work in a sexual health clinic and I know it’s most definitely not, for women or men. It’s something people say to make themselves feel better for doing it or for using others. When you get to know people, as I do when I see the same faces over and over, they open up and tell you the real story.

Definitely don't pay for it....I've had arrangements with women on and off for years depending on what she wants, it's not something you need to pay for :)

It does seem ironic to be contemplating paying, when there are so many educated, good-looking single men who'd be happy with the kind of one-off arrangement you're asking about.

I guess the challenge is how to identify and screen them. In the words of Hamlet: 'ay, there's the rub' (or frustrating lack of rub in this instance).

Literally any dating app, just put in your profile that you are attached and looking for no strings sex. But better option would be to just chat to your husband about it all and agree to open up the marriage.

I’m curious… how many unsolicited DMs have you had. More or less than 10?

Given almost everybody replying to this is a man, I would imagine we're comfortably in double figures by now.

If you’re going to meet someone for casual sex who you know little about and have had minimal contact, you do need to let someone know where you are and ensure the meeting takes place in public and a safe place.