Where can an unhappily married woman get sex without having an affair?

[PhryneFisher]

I’ve posted before, I’m in a sexless, pretty much loveless (from my perspective) marriage, but at the moment, I have lots of things going on and don’t want the stress of a separation/divorce on top of it all.
But my husband is far too lazy to ever bother with sex, whereas I am highly sexed and want it regularly.
I also want to go with a woman at least once but not a threesome,
Is anyone in a similar boat and can recommend a way for me to get what I want without having an affair (because I can’t be bothered with all the sneaking about), or being murdered by a stranger?

if you’ve done similar, how did you do it and how did it work out for you?

The only way to have sex with someone who is not your husband without having an affair whilst staying married to him is to tell him that you're unhappy and want an open relationship.

I doubt he's too lazy to have sex though, more likely he has a low sex drive or is asexual. Maybe he's gay and the idea of you both having sex with people of the same sex outside the marriage will actually go down really well. Who knows, talk to him and see.

@S0me0n3 The OP is asking how she can have NSA fun without It technically constituting an affair. Admittedly an unlikely conjunction, but sending an unsolicited DM, would surely contravene site rules and her ask in this thread, though I'm sure she's had a fair few PM'S recently. Not from me...

She'd not be the only one!
Do men really expect to get yes for an answer?

@mnmnddddd No sensible bloke would expect yes for an answer, TBH. However, given the proliferation of threads recently from ladies having sex droughts within relationships, and overtly asking for solutions, given our community, Mumsnet could be the perfect pick up place, given the optimum conditions and appropriate vetting.

@DGConsultant what the actual fuck? No.

If you think all these threads are started by women, you’re incredibly naive.

@MightEvenCallYouBaby Sorry, I'm taking the piss to be honest and trolling, on holiday and board, and for all I know, your spot on. Who the hell knows... after all? Posts seem genuine enough, but I'm not creative enough to post something like that without It being truthful.

If you think all these threads are started by women, you’re incredibly naive.

This.

The fact that there’s been a lot of those threads says to me that someone is probably trying to say ‘look, there’s a real need for this mumsnet, let us have our hook up thread back, so many of us women need this’. 🧐 They will have been posted by men, guaranteed, same as most of the posts here. This topic is full of unsavoury sorts.

@TheLastLetter Maybe your hitting the nail on the head, the name changes are a little odd, I grant you. Still reasonably plausible though, but ultimately who cares. The hookup thread is in the dustbin, and won't be resurrected anytime soon.

Still reasonably plausible though

Nope. The language used, the frequency of the posts along with other pervy posts increasing, not plausible at all.

@TheLastLetter Your a better detective than me, that's not up for debate. Probably been here much longer than I, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. If not genuine posts, that's a fairly sad thing to do. I'll reserve judgement.

Or maybe he just isn’t attracted to his wife anymore 🤷‍♀️

Oh god are we back to the 'all the women are really pervy men'?

If anyone has suspicions a poster is not genuine simply report it and MNHQ will check their history.

It's simple and effective and makes a whole lot more sense than filling a thread with unfounded speculation about the OP.

I was in your position exactly, except we didn't work together. The only answer was divorce unfortunately. We still get on and do parent well.

Some time after separation and then divorce I did start experiencing sex. And yes have been with another woman. Not as a result of online dating or clubs, just happened naturally. Some lovely experiences. Wouldn't have worked for me if still married

Illicit Encounters if you like them rich as well. You can take your pick from casual to short term to long term.

If you want to find a woman though (who is okay with you being married and cheating) I can't think of anywhere useful. You could go to a woman only sex club event? They are mainly married / in a couple women looking for something different for a night

maybe all the men are pervy women?
the latter (not being critical) do exist.

by the by, is there any way of doing a selective quote - ie not just reposting all of the post you want to quote from?

@pendleflyer

by the by, is there any way of doing a selective quote - ie not just reposting all of the post you want to quote from?

People usually tag the poster and copy/paste the bit they want to reply to in bold.

That's what I do anyway.

thanks - seems a bit clunky - but will do (from now on :) ).

maybe all the men are pervy women?
the latter (not being critical) do exist.

Yeah, women are the issue. 🙄🙄🙄

you've lost me there.
I was joking/trying to turn things round for a bit of sanity
and I stress not arguing with @Surplus2requirements
in fact agreeing.
I don't like the term pervy/pervert as usually used - reminds me of virginal schoolboy jibes (am a bloke) - I usually find that if you ask someone who chucks around the term "pervert" you rarely get a straight answer about what one is.
Long live the perverts - of whatever gender.

Long live the perverts

🧐

Illicit Encounters if you like them rich as well. You can take your pick from casual to short term to long term.

i was on IE for awhile and I’m definitely not rich, I’m distinctly average looking, with an average income, I meet some nice but equally average women who were stuck in loveless & sexless relationships for different reasons, all they were looking for was a bit of love and attention, it was actually a bit sad really

There's a lot more choice for women on IE than men. There's a lot of lawyers, consultants, academics (ok their pay is shit), entrepreneurs on there, or there used to be. It's just a bit more discreet as a way of meeting people. A lot in 'don't ask don't tell'.

Most people are really just looking for love and attention, male and female, but kid themselves it's the sex they want.

Op should be able to find someone looking for the same as her on there. One offs and short terms are equally as common as long affairs.

It's always a bit sad, no, to be in a loveless and sexless marriage?

It certainly is. It’s soul destroying. My marriage is not loveless but has certainly had very draining spells of being sexless. His drive is lower than mine. We’re “on the up” so to speak at the moment, but I’m not optimistic it’s a permanent change.

Not really sure what the answer is but I don’t think finding a third party to sleep with is the answer, unless all parties are in agreement (open relationship). If they are not, and happiness cannot be sustained, the only realistic option is to leave.

To be honest I would say that’s not really accurate, those male lawyers & consultants will be able to pick and choose whom ever they like, as I said most women were pretty love and affectionate starved, and finding married women to date was pretty easy for me

Yes I imagine it was. What with it being a website aimed at married men and women looking to date/have hook ups/short term meets ... that's kind of why they all sign up?

So your point would be that it's a good place to meet married people to date. Great. Same as my point.

I guess you are managing op's expectations as to deepness of pocket? Fair enough - I am sure there are plenty of people on there of average income as well.