No sex drive or am I just constantly dating unattractive men?

[PeachesoutinGeorgia]

I have a two year old son, no longer with the dad and am currently reassessing my life on an evening I don’t have baby.

I’ve always struggled with issues around sex and not having a very high sex drive but the more I think about it the more I’m not sure if I’ve dated anyone in the last decade who I’ve been all the sexually attracted to? I masturbate (🤮 hate that word) regularly and really enjoy it. Am sexually attracted and aroused by people so I just don’t understand why I’ve never really been able to get in the flow when the moment happens.

I understand you have to be somewhat attracted to your partner and my partners have always been ok looking - but nothing to write home about though and no one that I just want to jump on. Is this where I’m going wrong or do you have to work on this stuff to actually get that attraction?

I don't think you need to worry. I've got a high sex drive and mainly masturbate to a celebrity I fancy, and there's only a handful of people in real life I've really really fancied. I fancy my husband but it wasn't an instant attraction. Recently I've begun to question my sexuality more ( I'm bi) and realised I'm more attracted to women than I thought previously. Not saying that's the same for you but maybe you're settling for a safe option rather than going for what you really want?

It makes a massive difference when you find the person you’re having sex with very attractive and can’t get enough of them. I’ve only had sex with two people who I felt like that about and it was definitely the best sex

Yes, I've had that problem. Sometimes the people I'm most attracted to aren't necessarily attracted to me. If you do find someone who makes you horny and they make themselves available for a relationship then it's fantastic. Some of my liaisons in the past make me feel a bit guilty - in order to 'perform' as it were I've had to shut my eyes and think very hard about something that does make me horny. Fortunately those ill-starred relationships are long gone and I've got someone I fancy now.

I have a friend who until recently complained she'd never had an orgasm. At risk of sounding cruel, looking at her husband, I doubt if I could have got excited if he was anywhere in the same house, let alone in the same bed. It wasn't just his appearance, more his low level cruelty and manipulativeness. They've split up thank goodness and now she can have orgasms, apparently!