A polite request

[Mermaidparades]

I’ve noticed over the past week that there has been a bit of a tone shift on some threads on this board. Posters are requesting help and instead get a character assassination. Can we please leave that for the larger boards, this little corner of Mumsnet is generally more pleasant and friendly! Obviously it’s perfectly fine to give constructive criticism but lay off the personal digs. 💗

People do report things.

Some of the threads you mention have gone as have lots of others.

When mumsnet choose to give the benefit of the doubt or posts don’t break guidelines, a range of views are given.

That is a forum. 😅

Really? You’re going to define a forum for me.

It seems that you are not getting it.

I’m baffled by your posts.

You can't dictate how other people respond to threads on this board. You seem to think no one posts dodgy threads on this board, where other people can see it a mile off and respond accordingly. If you are so naive as to take all threads at face value it's a good job others can see what is really going on. It's not taking the moral high ground to respond in a less than positive way to some very questionable threads and posters.

@Paperlate i wasn’t dictating, the thread title is literally ‘a polite request’

Attempting to shut people up isn’t polite, even if you tell them it is. Mumsnet decide what they allow. The sex board doesn’t deserve an extra level of politeness. 🤣

The sex board was inherently polite and courteous, as posters discussed intimate issues like adults without the need to insult one another. My issue is that recently some posters have been lacking in empathy and I find that sad. But I appreciate that I am in the minority who feels that way, and will suck it up!

define "sleaze" please - your definition of.
Might be illuminating.

I think it’s important people flag up anything that may be cause for concern, the internet is full of unscrupulous people and there’s no reason why posters wouldn’t sign up to a parenting site in order to discuss certain subjects, it’s naive to think they wouldn’t. @Mermaidparades I don’t think you need to make threads asking people to be kind, MN do that for us, that’s the reason there’s the option to report. You have said some posters are genuine, how do you know they are genuine without knowing them in real life?

Absolutely this

And also:

I think the new default reaction here of ridicule and hate is damaging to both women and men. Ooh let’s tear someone to shreds today, use big words and make ourselves feel like a keyboard warrior. If someone has doubts, just report.

You're massively exaggerating things here. What's happening - since the whole furore about this board started - is that more posters are coming here to challenge what's being posted.

It's the POSTS (as well as some of the threads being started) that are being challenged, not the posters.

And it's interesting that you complain about 'big words' - perhaps illustrates that you really can't see beyond the obvious, and that you do take things too much at face value?

@BIWI can you please reread your post, it did make me giggle! You said it’s the POSTS that are being challenged, not the posters….
followed up with a personal criticism of me 😂

Like I said, I’m over it now, but it’s a shame that the kind vibe has gone. Obviously I know that it’s important to be wary online but I feel that the hyper vigilance here has sucked the joy and any sense of community that was on this board. A board populated by likeminded people who were keen to optimise their and their partner’s pleasures. A board on a site for grown ups.

I know where you are coming from mermaidparades.
I think the best thing to do is to just ignore the small small band of marauding moralists who seem to have found a project for themselves - see themselves as some cymbal bashing band of hope - and just let the threads continue - hopefully as before.
Let the band of hope find a new project,
Their concern bemuses me to say the least. One wonders what they get out of it.
It's an area for adults, in fact the entire board is I think, no-one is forcing anyone to look at anything, no one is trying to rope anyone into anything.
Here's hoping the board can continue as it did - humane, open minded, non judgemental.
Nowt so queer as folk as my humane broad minded gran used to say.

"what's good for the goose is good for the gander" - another of wise old gran's sayings - always meant to figure out which is the goose and which the gander but even as a small kid I understood the core meaning.

@innocentfun I just worry for the people who have been made to feel like they’re weird because of their posts. Especially the people in recent days. I had to speak up. But I’ve said my piece now. I shall move on xx

Is there a map for marauding moralists?!

I was questioning you and your post @Mermaidparades. Although perhaps, yes, it was also a criticism of the way you post - including this thread.

Why do you feel the need to worry about other posters though? That's the real issue - MNHQ are here for that. I'm sure posters who are on this board are more than capable of defending themselves.

I care because I’m a compassionate person

Reading through the many posts, the majority aren’t negative.
The only ones that have caused some concern are the ones discussing underage sex which I’ve seen was removed and one poster who sexualised a fairy tale and asked people if they would still read it to their boys.
Another was a man complaining about not getting a shag and then went on to say some women in the sex industry enjoy it and earn a lot of money but ignoring the reasons why they’re in that situation.
There is nothing wrong with people challenging those posters and raising concerns about them.

@MumMcphee one of the ones that annoyed me most is gone now, a guy with Asperger’s asking for help to navigate a sensitive issue in a new relationship, concerning periods. I have a fair professional insight into his condition and actually thought he was being really proactive seeking solutions. However he was deemed to be a period fetishist. That would have been crushing.

How do you know he wasn’t period fetishist? How do other women on here know he isn’t a period fetishist? With the language used in that particular post, he may have been exactly that. I’m glad it was questioned and I’m pleased that the thread has been removed. You just seem incredibly naive and trusting of everyone online.

@DogsInPyjamas we’ll never know for sure. The language used was actually my reason for believing it was completely genuine. As I’ve said throughout this thread, absolutely report anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It’s the personal attacks that sicken me. We’re in the middle of a mental health crisis, people are going online for a bit of escapism and being verbally abused instead. It’s shit tbh.

Exactly, you don’t know.

If it’s personal attacks then mumsnet will delete them.

Some men go online to be perverts, they like to put themselves on somewhere like mumsnet for sinister reasons. They’ll say whatever they have to in order to hide in plain sight. You are naive.

I’m sure some men do, probably some women and possibly even some non binary folks too. It’s a risk that you take going online- I know it shouldn’t be like that but there you go.
But I can report without telling someone why they’re perverted. How can you know for sure. But if you’ve demeaned a genuine poster …I guess I’m just trying to say that you don’t know what is going on in people’s lives. But I am an airy fairy naive unicorn 🤪

i accepted earlier in the thread that i am in the minority here. Please feel free to continue the slanging matches.

Slanging match? It’s a discussion. You do seem to be naive based on your behaviour.

You keep talking of personal attacks, now demeaning posters, but if there are personal attacks, mumsnet will delete them. Take your own advice and report them if you haven’t. If they’re not deleted, the problem is that you are interpreting things as personal attacks that mumsnet and others aren’t.

What is wrong with @Mermaidparades asking for people to be civil and just plain nice?

I am totally sick to the hind teeth of shotgun responses from people feeling entitled to laying into the majority of good, kind and lovely people on MN because of differences in opinion or outlook.

Again, mumsnet will delete personal attacks if you report them. As long as posters post within talk guidelines, that’s all they have to do. If they are within talk guidelines but are not ‘nice’ enough for you, you will just have to cope with that.