A polite request

[Mermaidparades]

I’ve noticed over the past week that there has been a bit of a tone shift on some threads on this board. Posters are requesting help and instead get a character assassination. Can we please leave that for the larger boards, this little corner of Mumsnet is generally more pleasant and friendly! Obviously it’s perfectly fine to give constructive criticism but lay off the personal digs. 💗

If we discuss other threads, this will be deleted as a TAAT. I’m sure you wouldn’t want that and we don’t want people using that as a way to get threads deleted although I’m aware that’s the usual tactic.

Comment on the threads themselves if you want to discuss them.

@RecordsTurning Yes, boss

The irony.

You literally started this thread to tell posters how to behave, to tell women that they need to be more pleasant.

Fuck that!

I'm not surprised that you got mugged for suggesting that perhaps people not mug each other on this board. I am surprised that you think this represents a change. I have been lurking on this board sporadically for years, and muggings have been common for the entire time I have visited.

@rudeboy1977 why is that, though? It’s very wearing!

I suspect that at least some users come here to work out their anger or frustration, and dumping on random posters fills that need. Don't get me wrong, some posters may have it coming, and some posts trigger love fests, but I haven't been able to guess which posts will trigger affirmations and which condemnations.

Oh well, I’m a big girl! I can take it.

Please put a similar polite request on aibu. I could do with a laugh.

I think the feel of sex board is why you aren't getting roasted harder right now....

It's fine here, people can make up their own minds. You are trying to be a bit queen bee and I find that annoying.

This sounds like a “polite request” for women to keep quiet and not speak up on this particular board. That doesn’t sit right with me at all. It’s not your special little corner with different rules. Its a part of mumsnet, open to all and I think due to who it attracts, more suspicion and questioning is understandable.

Lots and lots of love and support to Mermaid Parade. I for one appreciate your sentiments support and kindness
Personally if I read something that I don’t like I generally simply don’t comment.
I think I would always seek to help rather than hate others for posting something here.

Love and support from men who think paying potentially vulnerable people to have sex is ok, isn’t support I’d want.

Grim.

Repeatedly asking a woman for a sex act you know she doesn't want is sexual abuse. Exploiting women in prostitution is abhorrent. You don't get a free pass for those behaviours just because you have Asperger's Syndrome or a visual impairment.

I'm so fed up of this 'Be Kind' shit. @Mermaidparades you sound like a nice person, but can't you see this imperative to always be taking care of men's feelings at the expense of our own sexual boundaries is really harmful for women?

@AbsolutePixels those 2 examples above are related to male posters. There has also been a longtime female poster receiving hate for discussing her DD’s school trip and another woman who tried to discuss the sinister background to fairy tales.

Who was repeatedly asking for a sexual act? Who was exploiting women in prostitution? If you’re referring to @DGConsultant , he stated that he wouldn’t consider doing that.

I think the new default reaction here of ridicule and hate is damaging to both women and men. Ooh let’s tear someone to shreds today, use big words and make ourselves feel like a keyboard warrior. If someone has doubts, just report.

Who was exploiting women in prostitution? If you’re referring to @DGConsultant , he stated that he wouldn’t consider doing that.

Ok, maybe I was a bit unfair in the way I phrased that. But he definitely was perpetuating the myth of the happy hooker, which is just propaganda for pimps and pornographers. For that, he deserved to be slammed.

To be honest, while women are still getting raped, assaulted, and traumatized on the daily, I just don't give a shit about a few sleazy men getting their feeling hurt. Their feelings are insignificant to me.

@AbsolutePixels a bit unfair? You know there are real life people behind their usernames? You can’t just make shit up about people because it fits your rhetoric.
Also, it isn’t just about the male posters. Everyone seems to be fair game and it’s becoming toxic here. Such a shame.

You are not the gatekeeper of this board. It's a topic on MN that anyone can share their opinions on.

That’s what I’m doing. Sharing my opinion. I’m not trying to be a gatekeeper.

Some posts on this board may be viewed differently to how you choose to see them.

I see a lot of them that appear to be sexual things that seem made up and/or creating a narrative that is damaging to women/children including for example,
Children having sex
Linking children and sexual things
Fetishising periods
Potentially discussing how to get sex by pressurising/coercion
Saying workers loving having sex with men that pay them

You may take them all as people just asking for help or whatever, but posts like these, if not deleted, will generate discussion that is not going to be all positive and pleasant. That is what happens on forums. As long as discussion stays within talk guidelines, it doesn’t have to be encouraging and pleasant.

When someone says they want to discuss 14 year old children with ‘sex positive people’, as an example, that should be removed. You obviously can not see that but thank goodness some people can.

If someone asks why they’re not being successful in ‘getting laid’, they will get a range of views.

If someone says sex workers love their ‘work’, they will meet with a more realistic viewpoint.

If you can’t handle anything but pleasantness and people nodding along, you’re going to find forums, and the whole world, a difficult place.

I don't think this board has become more toxic. I'm glad there is a wider more realistic range of views on here now and it's not just limited to one group of people.

Agreed, you can also never be sure of peoples intentions, so some discussions are best left not discussing.

I agree.

Theres plenty of sex sites where people will get, let’s say, people who think like them. They’re on those sites because of sex. In contrast, a sex topic on a mainstream parenting site is going to be different. Within talk guidelines, you accept that or realise it may not be the place for what you’re looking for. It’s been more realistic since more people saw what’s on here when this topic was placed on active. That’s a positive thing.

A genuine poster needing advice re their teenager and sex is not going to post on a sex site, that’s ridiculous, so that poster is censored here and not helped.
Likewise a genuine poster asking for advice re periods will not post on a sex site, it wouldn’t be appropriate.
Advice on getting laid would vary wildly between the two different sites too.

I was talking about certain sorts of posts. I’m sure you know the sorts of ones.

In terms of these particular threads you mention, a poster wanted to discuss 14 year olds having sex on a school trip with ‘sex positive people’. Does that not strike you as odd? What a strange turn of phrase. If it was real, a vague post on the parenting or teenage board would have been a better place. Didn’t mumsnet delete the thread?

Women wanting advice re periods, there’s a women’s health section.

Men wanting to fetishise periods shouldn’t be allowed here and will be pulled up on it. That’s goes for men appearing to pressure women into anything.

Advice on getting laid will rightly mention attitudes to women, how the person appears both looks and personality wise.

🤷‍♀️

Like I said, why not just report anything suspect, it’s so unnecessary to do the whole moral high ground each time.

I think most people with genuine intentions wouldn't post something like that full stop. Why on earth would you want to give to details like that about your teenage child on a
sex forum that all kinds of people can read? It's not like it was a life or death situation. I'm sure that poster knows other ways they can deal with it before they take the advice of random strangers on the internet. People questioned it with good reason, obviously as it ended up being removed by MN.