Anal

[Blankspace4]

Can’t quite believe I’m writing this…..

Absolutely not a troll, long term poster under this and other usernames. First post on sex board.

Ive recently got into a new relationship with a man who seems obsessed with wanting to have anal sex. Our relationship is good in the main but he does have a dominant side and I’m wondering if this desire is part of this. I’m in my late 30s and he late 40s so both experienced…. But I have never gone ‘there’

not going to lie - I want to please him but im scared - but also curious as to what it is that men find attractive about that route? Is it the dominance? The filthiness?! The, er, tightness? I just don’t get it tbh.

I'm sure you would love to talk about how your women friends enjoy anal sex in great detail. I'm not really up for reading that though.

I tried it recently for the first time and did enjoy it at the time, much to my surprise. I think for me it was the dominance side, ie him dominating me. I did get some horrible infection though which still hasn’t fully gone nearly 3 months on. Unfortunately for me the guy I was having sex with decided to switch between anal and vaginal which is a bad idea. Plus he was a bit rough and I’d drank a bottle plus of wine so wasn’t fully with it! I’ve had issues with UTI / bladder issues every since. It’s over with him but I’d definitely be hesitant to try it again after getting an infection. I’m sure not all men are as selfish as he was in not considering health implications of switching between

Have you seen the doctor about the infection? Antibiotics should clear up any infection within a 7-10 days, if it’s not clearing up, it may be worth having an STD test. It was really irresponsible of him to do that.

Yes I had 2 lots of antibiotics - didn’t test a sample for 3wks and by then nothing showing, or in the lab. I’ve had a bladder and kidney scan, all clear but still getting bladder issues. So annoying

I had a casual relationship like this wouldn’t stop going in about anal but wouldn’t actually do it to me. In the end I figured he didn’t want anal really with a female he was a gay wannabe and just wanted to try it first on a female but obvs couldn’t do it with one.

I think it has more to do with macho culture and overly toxic masculinity than anything to do with being gay.

I think you’re right re the toxic masculinity. If the relationship was perfect in every other way and I felt secure in it I’d consider it (with the right prep and protections). As it stands I think it’s just representative of my wider doubts on the relationship and my lack of security within it. I just don’t want to do it, and then be dumped, and then feel shame.

All sex should always be consensual, there's nothing wrong with trying things that please your partner but nobody should ever feel coerced.

I had a female partner that loved and frequently asked for anal. It's not really my thing but sometimes indulged her because it was important to her and she was important to me.

If you're thinking about doing something because you feel he has a dominant side, you want to please him but you're scared.... don't.

Anal sex can be really enjoyable and pleasurable for women, absolutely, but it can be a bad experience if you're not in the right headspace, and you're not in the right headspace.

Your No thanks, not for me, I'll let you know if I change my mind, absolutely one hundred percent has to be heard and respected if there is any whiff of "dominance" flying around.

The only reason you should be having anal sex with this man is if it's something you're interested in and want to try.

If you know now you'd feel shame if you did it and he dumped you, then absolutely no way should you go ahead with it. If you feel it's something shameful then don't do it unless you can dig into your beliefs about it, and resolve them.

If it's a no, it's a no, the world won't stop turning.

@GiveOverRover is completely right, don’t engage in anything you believe is shameful

What a stupid comment.

If you suspect your boyfriend may anally rape you, you immediately leave the relationship. You do not offer him anal sex as a compromise, while pleading with him not to rape you.

Also, I guarantee there's not a woman in the world, not even the kinkiest woman alive, who wants to be anally raped.

Unbelievable, the shit some men think they can talk on this board.

Thanks, AbsolutePixels. Fortunately, what you’ve written doesn’t bear any relationship to what I said. Did you catch the first thing I wrote: ‘If you just don't want to do it, then don't. End of.’ Maybe you’d like to explain how you extrapolate from that to concluding that I was advocating anal rape to please a man?

In the real world, real relationships, amongst human beings 1) people, men and women, expand their participation, enjoyment of sex, sometimes in the context of relationships, sometimes not, 2) related, despite having initial misgivings, some people come to enjoy things they were initially hesitate about, i.e. sex, like relationships, can be a learning, experimental process, 3) some people like being dominated and like the domination factor in anal sex – not, repeat not, the same thing as being anally raped. Not that it sounds like this is the case in Blankspace4's case.

I’ve offered and sort advice before on several threads on this site several times, and never received anything like this back. As unpleasant and aggressive as twitter AbsolutePixels.

@JustSaying71 just wanted to offer some solidarity. Your words were twisted dreadfully. Unfortunately it’s been happening lately, please don’t take it to heart.

Thanks (genuine) Mermaidparades. It was one of them where there's such a distance between what you've said and how it was taken, that you lean back and question the meaning of words in communication.

@JustSaying71 don't worry too much, some posters have an axe to grind with the sex board and repeatedly leap at any opportunity to grotesquely twist words

@JustSaying71 I reported the comment, it’s been deleted now xx

So be careful and investigate the problems physically this can cause women as their anatomy is different. I can't remember but you can google. It can cause serious injuries. I know from work (A&E) a woman came in with her partner and her anal tissue had been torn and she was bleeding internally. Needed surgery to fix, so it's not urban legend territory

OP, you absolutely should not do anything which you consider to be shameful or which you're being pushed or coerced into. I'd question why this guy is so keen on anal in a fairly new relationship.

I quite enjoy anal as an occasional experience. Usually plan ahead so douche to avoid any mess.

You'll get lots of advice to use loads of lube and go slowly but there's a lot more to it than that. Warming up with fingers and toys first will help to get used to the sensation and relax. Lots of touching around the arse too. If you proceed to anal, it helps to kind of push out at the same time as he starts to go in. I find ir helps to pause once the tip is in, sometimes for as long as a couple of minutes. No movement, just getting used to the sensation and relaxing into it. Then, when you're ready, you can start to move while he stays still. If it hurts, stop and go back a step.

I'd always insist on a condom for anal. Easier to deal with any mess and less chance of infection from microtears.

don't worry justsaying, though well done for countering.
some folks have agendas of their own.
ie - has nothing to do with you.

To OP: I'm drawn to one of the great repeated phrases on here: Don't ever do anything you're uncomfortable with.

I'm male and having started a relationship recently with someone lovely, I did get some heavy hints about trying this out as she'd had a lot of experience with previous partners (particularly American ones, make of that what you will).

I've never ventured there and it really isn't for me, so that was that. Better to concentrate on things you can enjoy together rather than worry about something you feel you're being pressured into.

If done well it can be amazing.

I think OP, you should tell your man you will PEG him and see if he likes that first. That'll put the boot on the other foot, for sure.

As a male who loves anal my view is never ever do things to please someone it won't make you happy. But if you want to experiment then speak with a partner explain your limits and interest and red lines.

its the taboo and the tightness that men say they like, but I think the dominance is the thing that really makes the edge. I like anal and even i'll admit the submissiveness of it is something I like. But whether you want to do it to please him is something only you can can say yes no, he doesn't get a vote.

However if you are going to then make sure you talk about it and prepare for it first, nothing clever about it being shoved up there without preparation.

I think it can cause real long-term health problems for women, don't be pushed into this. The thought of faecal incontinence is enough to put me off!
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

My friend is a sexual health nurse and the rise in cases of injury and problems due to anal sex is shocking.

Men living in porn land, Male toxicity and not caring about their partners. Women need to tell these men to fuck off.