MNHQ here - an update on moderation for the Sex topic

[YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet]

Hi everyone.

We've posted on Site Stuff today to explain some changes we're making to how we moderate this board. It’s become clear from recent discussions that we needed a rethink about our approach and so we’re going to introduce some rules to help ensure that posters can get the support and advice they need from the board and that everyone has clear expectations of the behaviour we expect.

Posters must be at least 18 years of age - Mumsnet has always been a site for adults but we want to be crystal clear about this for this board.

The board is text based - we don’t allow NSFW (not safe for work) images.

We don’t allow links to any NSFW sites or personal profiles on other sites

We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters

We’ve also had concerns raised about the ongoing ‘sex chat threads’ including the risks involved with allowing users to PM each other. Our approach has always been to allow consenting adults to make their own judgement when it comes to what they’ll share and, broadly, that is still the case across the site - but we acknowledge there are additional vulnerabilities here that we ought to consider.

With that in mind, we will no longer allow users to ask for or to offer to send PMs for the purposes of sex chat. For one thing, we can’t guarantee that the person you’re chatting with is who they say they are and we can’t realistically safeguard these kind of off-board discussions. We’ve looked at the moderation principles of similar boards on other sites and this is indeed the policy on several others.

As with everything, we’ll continue to monitor the situation and we hope these new rules will go some way to reassure you. If anyone has further questions, please post on the Site Stuff thread and we’ll do our best to answer them.

Thanks.

Yeah, so people know the rules have changed. What did you think I meant?

I’m still hyper vigilant after last night tbh. Or paranoid! I just wanted to confirm your message.

I'm glad MNHQ has taken steps to address the concerns of posters.

There will undoubtedly be people who think it is insufficient but, personally, I think it strikes a good balance between allowing open discussion amongst adults whilst also mitigating the risk of unwanted behaviour. We must all endeavour to report anything creepy or untoward, particularly DMs, even if we are not overly offended ourselves.

I do think the 7 days could be increased to 30 days. That would seem a sensible middle ground.

The sex chat thread has been fun but I wouldn't be too worried if it got deleted. It feels like it has run its course now. And I've not chatted to many people who have the same interests as me. 😂

It’s a shame that the (bitter/uptight) people who had no interest in joining in sex the chat thread and could have just ignored it have ruined the fun for everyone else. I’ve met some lovely people which can’t be said for the nest of vipers that you encounter on many other threads on mumsnet. I wonder what will get cancelled next…

It’s a shame that the (bitter/uptight) people who had no interest in joining in sex the chat thread and could have just ignored it have ruined the fun for everyone else.

Why on earth would people be bitter about a bunch of self confessed lonely, sex starved people playing pretend with strangers on an Internet forum? What an odd perspective Maybe read the many threads on the topic and you will see that it isn't people being jealous about your idea of 'fun' there are actually many valid concerns.

Even some of the people who use the sex chat thread have said they acknowledge and understand the issues people have flagged with it. Some of them say they agree that the thread doesn't need to stay live based on the issues raised.

It's not people being bitter / uptight. And it's either ignorant and simplistic or dismissive and rude to make out that's at the root of people's issue with the thread.

And FWIW I don't get the whole 'you're all bitter / uptight' thing. Plenty of us who have an issue with the way this topic has been handled have great sex lives in real life and simply see issues with the sex chat thread as well as not needing / wanting to take part in it 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree that bitter/uptight is just as unhelpful as sleaze/perv.

There's a whole host of people in between the extremes but why would they want to put themselves in the firing line?

There's a whole host of people in between the extremes but why would they want to put themselves in the firing line?

Well quite.

Being told that boundaries frequently based on previous unsettling experiences of unwanted and intrusive attention from men in everyday life, as well as on MN, make you a prude / bitter / uptight is offensive.

And for some people just further evidence that women having boundaries is unacceptable to some people (predominantly men who don't understand how it feels to be on the receiving end and are depressingly unwilling to take women's word for it when they say how horrible it is) and that we aren't taken seriously. That our needs are less important than a man's body wants.

This is a good call. The sex board should be a place for support, advice and a few laughs, primarily though not not exclusively for women. There are plenty of places elsewhere on the internet to 'get rocks off'.

@Surplus2requirements

I agree that bitter/uptight is just as unhelpful as sleaze/perv.

That was kind of my point…glad someone picked up on it.

It’s just as valid as anyone else’s view whether you agree with it or not - that can apply to either statement.

However, even though there were some for and there were some against - it got cancelled because a minority didn’t ‘like it’ even though it wasn’t aimed at, or directly affecting them.

I agree sex chat thread should have been kept out of active and the 7 day limit should be increased. I do not agree with cancelling the thread based on a minority view.

Well said @Talktalksauce I completely agree.

Hello everyone. Thanks for your patience while we go through the 100s of comments on Site Stuff!

Our initial plan was to eventually close the sex chat thread to new posts but we've taken it down this morning based on your feedback.

We've posted in more detail on Site Stuff but we certainly don't want an environment that encourages sex pests and we hope that, with these new moderation rules, genuine posters can get the advice and information they need.

Thanks for the update

Hmmm taken down all together based on the feedback of those not using the thread that sounds fair. Thanks to those for who it was never intended for …

Quite!

@Talktalksauce I think the concerns were understandable.

The bit I find difficult is those concerns being based on an assumption of predatory sleazy men and simpering women desperate for validation.
I don't know about the chat thread but that is so far from my experience of posters on the wider board

Thank you MNHQ - Very sensible. Such a shame it had to be done, but I completely support the decision.

Let's hope users will be left to it now that it isn't in active and the chat has gone.

But I doubt it, I expect many threads will be trolled or brought up on site stuff until mnhq cave and delete the sex topic completely.

Fine to have concerns about a 'sex chat' but the way they communicated their concerns, the sneering, the constant picking on those trying to offer balance, the sermons about mn not being a 'safe space' anymore (it isn't, nowhere is safe online the onus lies with the user to apply common sense and report anything breaking TGs) just absolutely detracted from what the problem was.

Thank you for listening MNHQ @YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet

@Janiie yes, no interest at all in allowing actual conversation about concerns that didn't support an agenda

@JazzyGeoff yes thanks to mumsnet for listening to a one sided view 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@Janiie well said

@Janiie I’m hopeful that we will be left to it. Also, I’m so sorry you were on the receiving end of hate too. I’m glad that shit’s over xx

I think, following the resolution my hope of a group hug was a little premature 😖🤐

"We will not tolerate creepy or harassing behaviour in particular from male posters"

Glad to see there's no double-standards from the mods then...🙄

@b4now You're comparing Mumsnet to a totalitarian regime because you can't send sleazy messages to women? What a joke.