What is vanilla?

[lurchermummy]

I hear this phrase used a lot and often as a form of criticism or self criticism. But what does it mean? Are we talking lights off, nightie on, missionary position? Or does it mean all the sex in all the positions but no out and out kinks? I can't decide if I'm
vanilla or not.

I think we are talking nothing like anal, etc. I’m not sure if people class not engaging in oral sex as vanilla. I’d personally say all positions and oral are vanilla - anything like BDSM, kinks, anal are non vanilla. That’s just my thoughts on it

Straight ordinary sex no kinky stuff x

One person's kink is another person's vanilla. For me kink is anal and BDSM. Bondage is BDSM but light bondage is vanilla to me.

I dislike the term. You like what you like and its not up to anyone else to put a label on it.

I dislike the term vanilla also but what the OP has stated is correct

Good luck Op

It is a term that means different things to different people, and it can sometimes be used in a derogatory way.

However, there is no need to label yourself. You have said "I'm trying to work out if I am vanilla or not"..why?

People who are into more extreme kinks would have a different view on vanilla to someone who likes the odd 'kinky' thing.

AS another poster has said, you like what you like, and i you feel like trying something new, and you have someone who consents to try it too, then go for it.

Sex is such a personal thing, and not one thing or rule applies to all.

Embrace what you like, enjoy your body, and take it from there.

Totally subjective term often used pejoratively. Meaningless and often reductive and othering, would try not to use it.

Also important: sometimes I want pralines and cream, sometimes I want a knickerbocker glory with all the bangs and whistles, and sometimes a vanilla cornet is exactly what will hit the spot.

To me vanilla means light off, under the covers, get it over with as quickly as possible.

If you're giving and receiving lots of pleasure, in whatever way (oral, positions, bondage, dirty talk, dress up) it's not vanilla.

But there are degrees of vanilla / kinky / playfulness of course.

I don’t like vanilla as a term either

you can have passionate sex without the use of a sex dungeon and pliers

I don’t judge kinks but I don’t like how the term is used

Pretty sure it’s just a word now used by bros on the interest to coerce women into stuff they don’t like.

It used to just mean missionary. I think it evolved to include other positions and perhaps oral.

Either way, just remember, vanilla is delicious.

Pretty sure it’s just a word now used by bros on the interest to coerce women into stuff they don’t like.

THIS

It angers me I tell ya

Most men who want a 'kinky' girl who is not vanilla, are vanilla themselves! You can only describe yourself as kinky if you are willing to be on the receiving end as well as giving in my opinion. Hypocrites.

Yes they are dying to give women pain, slap and choke them, have rough anal sex, and degrade them. But you suggest doing any of that to them and it's a hell no 🤣 never be pressured into not being vanilla. Like a PP said vanilla is delicious

Clicked on this thread quickly at work and I posed the question “what is vanilla” to the other two girls in the office, quick as a flash the youngest one said “when you don’t take it up the bum!”
Of course we all fell about laughing.
I then said “no that’s not right otherwise most men would be vanilla because not many take it up the bum” more hysterical laughing.
As the giggling subsided a male manager walked in and wanted to know what the laughter was all about.
I said “well that depends are you vanilla or spicy” 😂

His answer “oh definitely spicy” more hysterical laughter!!!

I am into kink. I tend to veer away from using vanilla as a descriptor for all the reasons above, better to describe what I am than what I'm not.
I have an absolute golden rule, I won't do anything that my partner would not be prepared or want to do or have done willingly, themselves.

Vanilla is the best flavour. With a few sprinkles on top once in a while is nice, but not if my partner isn't into it. I'm turned on by lots of things, but not coercing someone to do something they are uncomfortable with. That turns me off. Our sex life is vanilla in almost every sense, but our relationship dynamic would seem very kinky to most people.

If you're asking what it is, you most likely are. Nothing wrong in that mind. 😊

One man's kink is another man's vanilla...one man's vanilla is another man's kink! 😇😈

Vanilla isn’t really what I would describe a person as. I mean even people who have really outrageous sex probably (hopefully) go back to vanilla sex when they are tired or need that emotional connection. It’s usually just plain typical sex without any wild bells and whistles like sex toys or unusual acts. It can also be used to other things that aren’t sex related. You know like a movie in its original state before the directors cut or an extra scene is added.

Some people like vanilla ice cream and some like chocolate with sprinkles.