White Lies and Sex Toys

[NickiNackyDo]

Dear All,

Long time poster but name changed as chat with female friends got me thinking.

My and DH have total honest and transparent relationship. We tell each other everything from our worries to our computer passwords. Delightfully he even tells me when is going for a poo.

However, I am totally dishonest about my self pleasure habits. I presume he self pleasures too but never know when. I literally have no idea why this is. He knows I own a vibrator and most of the time if one of us wanted sex the other would oblige.

Why does this remain such a taboo in relationships? I wanted to light hearted ask the group - How often does your OH think you masturbate and how does this compare to reality?

If you are a cheeky concealer of vibrating joy like myself - how do your activities below radar? Have you ever caught your husband/partner?

Not intending to start a debate on the rights and wrongs of masturbation or to survey your love life - just interested in the relationship dynamics.

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If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

My H does it when I'm out of the house I think. Well I know he does. I know that he watches porn on his phone.

And I do the same.

My ex partner used to wank in the mornings, he'd go back to bed when WFH and sort himself out

I do it after my bath at night while he's doing stuff downstairs. And sometimes I'll do it midday when I'm home alone and kids in school. He has caught me a few times and it's not a big deal although I prefer to do it in private.

I've never discussed it with my partner, and we're pretty open about everything else. It's not a deliberate secret, just that we've never mentioned it to each other. But we live apart and generally only see each other once a fortnight. So there's no way I'm lasting that long without some self pleasure! And fully expect my partner is the same, as we both have healthy sex drives.

We talk about everything too and often tell each other if we've had 'me time'. Why don't you just ask him if he thinks it's strange that the two of you never talk about it, I'm sure if one of you started the conversation it would soon be normal to drop it in. I do it as often as i want and I'm happy for him to do the same.

We are probably too open about it 🤣 on my mid week day off he will call me and ask what I've been up to and my reply is usually "did some washing, hoovered, orgasmed, washed up" 🤣🤣.

I feel people mostly don't discuss it openly as they don't want to stimulate a conversation where a partner might wrongly feel inadequate or that they're not meeting needs.

My husband wanks once or twice a day, often while I’m in bed or getting breakfast ready, I really enjoy watching him, I know this will be controversial but I enjoy swallowing when he ejaculates. If I’m in another room he’ll call me. We call it a salty surprise. I think it’s started one morning when he wanted sex and I didn’t, so I said call me when you are close to coming and I’ll swallow, we did it more and more regularly and now do it most morning. As for me I never masturbate, it’s just not something I have really found much pleasure in, but my husband looks after me very well in that department so I don’t really have a need! We have an amazing of some what unique sex life.

I like watching my DP masturbate too :)

We are pretty open with each other and like to watch each other self pleasure but it is also nice to have to have a little secret now and again although we have talked about it a few times.

I know he wanks and likes to watch porn when I'm not around and he said this is less then it was when he was a bit younger. He says he usaully wanks about 3 times a week but does it in the shower in a morning sometimes.

He asked me when we first got together if I masturbated as it excited him and I told him I did and was something I'd been doing since I was younger and liked to do it. He thinks I do it once or twice a week maybe but it's more like daily now and I usually use my wand vibrator that he knows I use just not how much! 😀

In my previous relationship I was very open about my 'me time' ... :-)

Most mornings, in fact almost every morning, l enjoy a little “me time” first thing after a coffee and sometimes later in the day, maybe in the bath; waterproof vibey.

These are my special indulgent moments. I don’t want input from a lover at these times, it’s all about me, where as 1:1 sex is about sharing.

l’ve never made a public announcement about it(!), but discussed with some partners over the years. Likewise, I’ve never particularly hidden it.

I worry that if I masturbate then I won't want sex later with my OH so only tend to do it if he's away. Maybe I am missing a trick here though?...

@cosmicbabe - Err, yep!

I was chatting to someone on here about the other day. I tend to do it most days or at least several times a week. It’s definitely a WFH benefit (literally just did it now…sorry if too much info 🤣).

But I’ve no idea if DW does it solo. We love doing it together, it’s our fav way of finishing. But have never spoken about it on our own.

My assumption was everyone does it surely?! But that’s based on nothing! Maybe should just ask?! 🤷‍♂️

Similar to OP. Despite having become gradually more relaxed and experimental in bed with DH, we/ I never discuss that. Made me feel better though as DH wanted us to try using a vibrator in bed. Introduced it but didn't use for a few weeks due to my nervousness and it being larger when I'm petite! However, curiosity get the better of me when I had some me time after spa warm bath and glass of wine and I tried alone which was pretty dam explosive feeling it inside me and vibrating right through my cervix! . He still doesn't know why I suggested we try using it again 😂😂😂

I always think of it as my time. With kids and busy time its difficult for me and hubby to get private time. I dont lie but dont tell him but I do look forward / enjoy the nights when he is away with work. It keeps my sex drive in check. Its not a substitute for sex, but helps keep needs in check. Lock down reminded me of how much I needed me time. Months with no privacy and everyone in the house!

OH and I talk openly about masturbation without broadcasting it to each other. We both know what the long baths and long showers are

I just cant imagine how those conversations go. It seems keeping secret is the majority response.

Given the secrecy has anyone been caught or caught there partner out? Ive Sometimes walked in on husband with an erection in shower and wondered. However not seen everything and its not uncommon that his partner in crime stands to attention in the mornings !

We are really open about it & will tell each other when we have. We sometimes struggle to have sex due to having a teen at home who has very good hearing, so will often sort ourselves out if feeling the need. We might be chatting/planning to have sex & if we don't get the opportunity together, we will masturbate & just mention that we are all sorted 😉 It's a very casual/lighthearted conversation.

I have a dildo I use in the shower. Don't use it often but will always text my bf and tell him I'm going to play with myself. Equally, if I over sleep in the morning and can't give him a bj, he'll have a wank and tell me so.

Iv asked my bf to wank over me while I'm asleep one night and video it. Just a fantasie I have 😂

I’m male, saying this as some man slid into my DMs, so maybe my perspective is different. However, OH and I talk about it openly, it’s part of our lives, but we don’t Declare we are about to do it either.

OH has never caught me, only been caught twice… once when I was about 17 by my next door neighbour when she randomly walked into my house and once by my university halls cleaning lady (very embarrassing both times)

Caught my partner in the act, she was laid on her wand, tried denying it but got her to admit it. I just said tell me in future so I can watch😀 she was a bit surprised I wasn't bothered. She also does it when it's that time of the month when I can't help.

@NickiNackyDo I have generally been a secret vibrator / dildo user and masturbator and enjoyed my 'me time' in private although I am happy to wank in front of, or with, my husband anytime.

He knows I was already using toys before we got together and I told him that I do like to masturbate when he asked some time ago but he doesn't have any idea how much I do it and it's always when he is out of the house.

I would think he would guess I do it probably around once a week but, and I am a little embarrassed about it tbh, but it's been an every day thing for me for quite a while now and I just like to do it.

He's never caught me doing it surprisingly. My mother did find my first vibrator when I was younger and was not too awkward about that and a friend walked in on me doing it in the bathroom on a hen weekend but I have managed to keep things in private other than that.

my other half and i masturbate together all the time - it's the best as more often than not we are too tired for sex but still want to get off together.

My hubby knows I use my vibrator regularly and he says it turns him on a lot knowing that I do.

He asks me about it now and again, especially if he sees I have bought a new toy. I originally got a vibrator when I was younger just to try once or twice as I'd heard them mentioned by a couple of girl friends. I thought I would probably get rid of it once I'd tried one and never thought I would become hooked on it and not able to leave it alone!

I'm sure any ladies that have used a vibrator would not want to stop and I've half-joked with my hubby that I need to use mine and I'm probably addicted to it after using it so long now.