White Lies and Sex Toys

[NickiNackyDo]

Dear All,

Long time poster but name changed as chat with female friends got me thinking.

My and DH have total honest and transparent relationship. We tell each other everything from our worries to our computer passwords. Delightfully he even tells me when is going for a poo.

However, I am totally dishonest about my self pleasure habits. I presume he self pleasures too but never know when. I literally have no idea why this is. He knows I own a vibrator and most of the time if one of us wanted sex the other would oblige.

Why does this remain such a taboo in relationships? I wanted to light hearted ask the group - How often does your OH think you masturbate and how does this compare to reality?

If you are a cheeky concealer of vibrating joy like myself - how do your activities below radar? Have you ever caught your husband/partner?

Not intending to start a debate on the rights and wrongs of masturbation or to survey your love life - just interested in the relationship dynamics.

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If you've found this page in your search of the best sex toys that can help you achieve orgasm and have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for women useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

From a male, I dont pleasure myself in front of my wife unless we've had sex.
She never does and nor does she talk about it
I put it down to shyness even after years of marriage.

A toy is not the real thing but can be as good or better at times for both of us.

when you masturbate, do you use porn or more your imagination to get you in the mood? I am simply intrigued. Hope you don't mind me asking.

Who are you asking?

Apologies, that wasn't clear. It was aimed at the female members of the discussion

My husband and I are really open with each other, we love to watch each other wank.
Also we know each other do it privately even if we don’t declare that second “I am off for a wank now” Sometimes I’ll message him at work and tell him what I am doing, or make him a little 5 second clip. He really gets off on that and the same vice versa. Sometimes he will tell me he did it and what he was thinking about. I love that …..
I think you should tell your husband, you might find it will open another dimension to your sex life.

Totally honest and open with each other.

He recently pulled back the duvet to find 6 sex toys on his side of the bed. He just laughed and said "Well that orgasm obviously took a lot of work!"

I've asked him for a particular Doxy attachment for Christmas and suggested he might like to buy the "sleeve" type one to try himself.

Last time I asked what he was thinking about during a wank, I was told that the redhead working in the local Tesco was making an occasional appearance in his mind.

I don't understand why people get so hung up on this stuff.... we all get off in different ways when we're playing solo. Why is there any shame or secret in that?

I think it is interesting to hear what works for others, it can open horizons, make you more comfortable with your own turn ons and ultimately benefit your relationship

Nah, always been open with each other about masturbation. We both do it and we both love it, by ourselves and together. He's bought me toys, used them on me, but mostly he likes to touch himself while I use them. I guess I'm lucky in that sense, I wouldn't want to have to do that secretly. Apart from anything else, I'm a real moaner, I find it nearly impossible to climax silently, it's almost painful. When I still lived with my parents I used to bury my face under a pillow to mask my noises. When I went to uni I had a flatmate, fortunately we were best friends and very open with each other, I basically told her from the start 'look, I make noise when I masturbate, if you want I'll put on some music in my room, but you'll probably hear me anyway.' She laughed and said 'thank fuck, I was so worried because I'm exactly the same!' so after that we basically both made as much noise as we wanted and actually it was kinda hot, I liked hearing her do it and I liked knowing she could hear me, it probably sounds really fucked up but there you have it. I've always been a bit bi anyway I guess.
Ever since then, I never hid my masturbations from my bfs, it was basically 'that's what I do, you can be part of it or not, up to you - it's gonna happen either way'.
Honestly, I couldn't live without it, it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Always has done and always will.

Great post I often have to drag it out of my wife and I've told her it turns me on no end but she is shy/embarrassed and not often does this but does admit if she does her hand and wrists start to hurt and wish I was there to help out.

i think men like me are more turned on than women hearing about the others self play.

I tell my DH all the time - 'I need some me time!' He's laughs at my candidness. He's a bit shyer than me.

We are quite open about it. I never hide my toys too.

I bloody love wanking.

I'm not sure what proportion of the poster here admit to masturbating, using toys on slef but I'm surprised at the number of women doing it as i honestly thought it was more of a man thing.

When I lost my viginity to my wife I recall the next day thinking I never want again. I did not for a couple of years then started again,

You didn't think women pleasured themselves?

Wow...