Lingerie - really hot or trying too hard

[Kitten2]

My ex used to say he wanted me to wear lingerie.

We had a fairly casual, mostly sexual 6month relationship. It has recently ended.
I never did go full in with the lingerie. Just a nice bra / thong set. He wanted the suspenders, heels etc but I felt like it was a bit much just to be at the house. All dressed up like that.

But now someone I have just started speaking to has already mentioned he loves a woman in lingerie... so maybe it's a bigger deal than I thought. Do I throw myself in to it this time!? And not worry about looking a bit 'much'

@Perplexed0522 just dipped into this thread. I'm a guy ( for reference ) .. I too think it's shit that some women ( perhaps even society) feel pressure to "comply" with a sexual image.
I can assure you that many ( probably most ) decent guys find the female body alluring without all the embellishments..

My husband keeps telling me he loves the way I look and he’s perfectly happy with me just being naked and that he doesn’t want me to do anything I’m uncomfortable with….but at the same time, now I know he likes lingerie I guess I feel like it would be something nice for him.

I wish I had more confidence in how I looked, and when I’m dressed I feel fine, but seeing myself naked is another matter.

I don’t feel comfortable having sex unless it’s in the dark and I feel much more relaxed if I keep my pyjama top on (or anything really) just so I know he can’t see
my stomach.

A year ago I had to start a new medication for a chronic condition I have and a recognised side effect is weight gain, and sadly I’ve put on over a stone and it just makes me feel really shit about myself.

My husband is always complimenting me, and I know he means it, but I just wish I could look in a mirror and not think that I look awful.

Stockings and suspenders are a must for me, have you also looked at some of the cupless bras the likes of Maison Close make?

www.mayfairstockings.com/collections/maison-close-stockings_lingerie/products/maison-close-pure-tentation-naked-breast-bra

They aren't cheap tho, Obssessive a worth a looksee too, lot's of choice and cheaper too, but you do kind of get what you pay for.

My advice if it's worth anything is go for what makes you feel hot in and push the manifold a bit...good luck!!

I like my DW both with and without said embellishments, which are nice for variety. If that makes me a Bad Guy™️ shoot me now.

She doesn't look like any of the Lovehoney models. Her body has its own charms, which over time she's learned to appreciate (I appreciated them all along of course).

Perplexed0522, I was sorry to read your post. I'm sure you do look just fine and I hope you find a way through.

@Kitten2; @Perplexed0522
As an alternative to corset type underwear have a look at Dance Wear, some on Light in the Box.com. It covers more, is not restrictive and looks dramatic.
Knew a man who liked the feel of textiles. He liked me in a long very full dress and no bra, he would be naked and would rub his whole body against the material.
He seemed vulnerable and it made for good sessions, (only occasional)

Thank you for the tip - I shall have a look.

Im only 10st 3 (BMI 23) so it’s like I’m obese and worrying about my weight, I just don’t like the way I look compared to how I looked before children.

We’ve had a child free house all day and he has tried to initiate sex a few times and it eventually ended with me crying and trying to explain that I don’t want him seeing me naked in daylight.

He then got peeved and said I shouldn’t feel like that with him, so I told him how I feel is nothing to do with what he thinks of me but what I think of myself.

I said some supermodels, who are thought to be beautiful by millions, probably don’t like the way they look. Confidence is about how you see yourself and completely separate from how others see you.

I said he can try and reassure me until the cows come home and tell me how sexy and beautiful he thinks I am, but it doesn’t change anything as it doesn’t have any bearing on how I see myself.

I just really miss the body I had when I was younger and before I had children.

I used to love wearing sexy underwear when I was younger whereas now I can barely look at myself in it.

My DH and I live in different countries and we have DC…so we’re just grateful if we get to sleep together in our pjs. Having said that … given the chance we love going through our dressing up box. I’d find it a bit odd and arbitrary to just put on sexy lingerie … there’d need to be a context. It’s fantasy to my mind - moving away from the DH who unloaded the dishwasher and cooked the dinner earlier. If we were at a hotel I’d happily knock at the door, dressed to the nines under my rain coat. I don’t feel objectified at all…it’s always the best of fun. He dresses up for me too…he’s been a hot burglar, a sexy Arab who bought me for a couple of camels, a landlord collecting the rent I’d already spent, a mechanic who helped me out when my car broke down …the list is endless 😂

If you are not too body confident try a bit of gentle teasing with some clothes that you save for 'games time'. I have been looking on w.euromart.co.uk/details/satin-dress---red-310410/42639?. They are not expensive. They have some very short and flared skirts.
One of these would wind my man up if I wore it around the house and forgot my knicks.
I used to do that when I was younger/smaller. Very nice

@Perplexed0522 I just read your post and it made me feel sad. I don’t have any advice just sending a big hug. I really understand what you’re saying x

@Perplexed0522 yep you're me. I have three kids including a 4 month old and my body is gross. Im 9st 3 so bmi only 21.3 or so but my body has changed beyond recognition and it's gross. I can't even begin to entertain the idea of wearing a tummy control swimming costume on holiday next month let alone my husband seeing me naked.

I can't even begin to entertain the idea of wearing a tummy control swimming costume on holiday next month let alone my husband seeing me naked.

We all used to go swimming together on a Sunday but I haven’t been for at least 2-3 months now as I can’t bear to put a swimsuit on. I get you x

It's nice to give men a bit of what they want. Unless you don't feel like it, maybe you should give it a try. I would ask him to get me the things he wants as a gift or to choose together online (like this you know what he likes)

but I definitely don’t have the body for it anymore.

If anything that's a reason TO do it - lingerie can hide a multitude of "sins" and present you in your best form

Can be a real confidence boost especially when you get a great reaction too

I'm nearly 50 a size 16, short and have c section overhang - a well designed waist cincher can really make me look much better and then I feel more confident too which helps with feeling sexy

Speaking as both a wearer and a lover of those who wear (I'm bi) it's sensual (satin, lace, nylon very smooth and tactile) it's alluring, playful and very sexy

There are corsets, basques, waist cinchers, various styles of suspender belts (also great for making the mum tum more alluring/concealed), stockings of all colours and styles, bras and bralettes, teddies, chemises, negligees, camisoles, slips, babydolls, peignoirs, bodysuits, body stockings... all sorts

You can even go down the role play/fancy dress route

And it needn't be expensive either and you can "improvise" too I recently bought a beach cover up from primark with is black lacy/see through and treat that as a peignoir with good results, blazer worn over just a bra (those of us younger in the 90's will remember wonderbra ads like this). A shirt or blouse worn with just stockings and heels and barely buttoned...

I keep most of it on during sex, I hate my feet so always wear stockings.

@Perplexed0522
I'd advise if wearing traditional suspender style stockings put them on first and then knickers over for easy removal - if you wear any at all choice is yours

@jamesspaderismine that's gorgeous! I do wish that kind of thing was a little more affordable

I have one corset at the moment but would love to get more

@StarlightLady I've some simple "everyday" 4 strap suspender belts and other more fancy ones with more lace, frills, more straps, ribbons... different ones for different occasions and outfits works for me. Getting the stockings at a reasonable price now is difficult.

@PinotPony that's stunning love the colour too

What I WISH I could give some of you is a bucket full of confidence!!!

Whoever is with you wanting to have sex with you IS attracted to you and finds you sexy and trust me they have their own hang ups too! Life is too short to waste worrying about such things, enjoy the moments

I can honestly say as a bisexual woman I love soft womanly bodies inc even especially ones who have had children and bear scars etc but as a woman who feels self conscious about similar myself I get it.

I used to hate it and let it deter me now I just accept they're my least favourite parts and I celebrate the parts I love about myself physically

@MrsPetty yes I Love when guys make an effort too, can be as simple as a good suit or a tux even to role play/fancy dress, uniforms (love a uniform), or even silk boxers and a silk tie and nothing else

Your body is beautiful it is giving you and your children life learn to love it, start by standing in front of a full length mirror and NOT being critical - instead find 3 things you love about your body - it can be a facial feature (I have a cute button nose - that never gains weight!) but I also have good legs, and if I say so myself pretty damn nice boobs!

So the fact I have that overhang and scar Meh nobody's perfect!