Death grip... too much wanking makes the man unable to ejaculate when having sex with a woman?

[Confusednet]

True or not? I've had mixed opinions on this - some say it's not a thing others say it certainly is. It ticks all the boxes in regards to my experience with one man. Before this I'd never even heard of death grid.

Would be interesting to also get a man's POV.

I have never seen an erection described as “lovely” before

It's utter horseshit. It's a thing that really annoys me now because it gets trotted out so much as the magic answer to a complex question.

There was a thread on the Relationships board recently. I would have said a lot more but I would only have got accused of having hairy hands, so I didn't bother.

Mumsnet is really not the place to go asking for advice about cocks.

Gripping it too tightly hurts. It doesn't get you to orgasm. It doesn't feel nice. And it leaves you sore afterwards.

There are various things that can desensitise a cock or prevent ejaculation. Examples are:

• Being circumcised.
• Age
• Antidepressants
• Not being sufficiently turned on (NB this can happen even if you're turned on enough to get hard)
• Tired
• Depressed / unhappy / whatever
• Having ejaculated / orgasmed recently.

About whether porn has caused a wave of sexual dysfunction among men: remember that only a generation ago people weren't talking about sexual dysfunction at all. So there's no decent comparison to make. If a man couldn't perform the couple were more likely just to live with it or separate. There was only the attitude that a healthy man could blow his load on demand, something that was probably always nonsense.

If a man can't ejaculate and you're concerned about him FGS talk to him. Don't get a load of hooey off Mumsnet.

@Catullus5
Whats amusing is that people with no medical training, or penis, can confidently and swiftly diagnose a complex medical issue over the internet without even talking to person in question.
No point bothering with hospitals, medical schools, Doctors, Nurses, consultants, urologists, sexual health specialists or the NHS at all, as Dr Google has all the (wrong), answers, would be laughable if wasn’t so pathetic.

@Japingjaponica

I agree with this. I've known three fairly long-term single men who struggled. One could NEVER orgasm inside me, only through masturbation. Another could only orgasm through anal..presume that's a better grip. Another could not maintain an erection apart from in one position, and would pull out to rub himself to finish. I currently have a Fwb who doesn't really masturbate, maintains a lovely erection and can do all sorts of positions and it's heavenly.

So three different men and in each case you ascribe it to them gripping their cocks too hard.

Seriously?

There are endless other reasons or combinations of them that could have caused their problems. Age. Health. Wellbeing generally. Whether they're turned on enough. Each of them will have had his own unique combination.

As for your FWB, I would suggest that his lack of masturbation is quite likely to have no relevance although masturbation by a man not in his first flush of youth will affect performance for a few hours afterwards.

You've provided a perfect example of why the 'death grip' concept is misleading.

And don't say 'well I was there'. They were - not you.

Pky45

I find it more irritating than amusing. It's such a lazy conclusion. And Google actually does have the answers for anyone who is willing to be sensible about this and inform themselves properly.

FWIW from time to time I leave off the solo action just to see how it affects my sexual response. The effect? Zero increase in sexual desire. If anything it reduces slightly after a few days.

@Catullus5

It's utter horseshit. It's a thing that really annoys me now because it gets trotted out so much as the magic answer to a complex question.

There was a thread on the Relationships board recently. I would have said a lot more but I would only have got accused of having hairy hands, so I didn't bother.

Mumsnet is really not the place to go asking for advice about cocks.

Gripping it too tightly hurts. It doesn't get you to orgasm. It doesn't feel nice. And it leaves you sore afterwards.

There are various things that can desensitise a cock or prevent ejaculation. Examples are:

• Being circumcised.
• Age
• Antidepressants
• Not being sufficiently turned on (NB this can happen even if you're turned on enough to get hard)
• Tired
• Depressed / unhappy / whatever
• Having ejaculated / orgasmed recently.

About whether porn has caused a wave of sexual dysfunction among men: remember that only a generation ago people weren't talking about sexual dysfunction at all. So there's no decent comparison to make. If a man couldn't perform the couple were more likely just to live with it or separate. There was only the attitude that a healthy man could blow his load on demand, something that was probably always nonsense.

If a man can't ejaculate and you're concerned about him FGS talk to him. Don't get a load of hooey off Mumsnet.

And when you talk to him and he says "yeah, I've been wanking a bit much recently and have got used to the grip and speed of a wank, I need to lay off" should I shout "that's horseshit!"?

Well yes. You could say "Actually you're confusing two separate issues. First, the frequency with which you masturbate, which may well be a factor depending on your age, whether you're doing it too soon before sex, and gripping tight, which is a theory that actually doesn't have much scientific support and is unlikely to be a factor. Also, there may well be other issues that you either don't want to tell me or you yourself aren't aware of".

I don't recommend this.

I would recommend saying 'OK then' and see if the problem clears up.

[quote Pky45]@Catullus5
Whats amusing is that people with no medical training, or penis, can confidently and swiftly diagnose a complex medical issue over the internet without even talking to person in question.
No point bothering with hospitals, medical schools, Doctors, Nurses, consultants, urologists, sexual health specialists or the NHS at all, as Dr Google has all the (wrong), answers, would be laughable if wasn’t so pathetic.[/quote]
What amazes me us that a man with a cock can use his individual experience of his cock to decide he knows better than women who've experienced many different cocks
I really wish MNHQ hadn't moved this to the sex board

What amazes me us that a man with a cock can use his individual experience of his cock to decide he knows better than women who've experienced many different cocks hmm

Wow the level double standards here are incredible

If man said he had he experienced many different vagina’s therefore knows more about making all women orgasm than any women who only knows how to make themselves orgasm, he would be laughed off this site, but for women that’s an okay comment to make, hmm indeed.

No, that's not the same.
It would be more akin to a man coming on and saying he thinks most women love oral, because they have told him, and one woman going "well that's not true, because I hate oral, it doesn't stimulate me enough, I have a vagina so I know more than you so you are talking rubbish."

I do love the lengths some men go to, to justify why obsessive wanking to porn has no detrimental effects at all.

Oh and PS in the light of the above, my marriage ended because of my husbands porn addiction and numerous sexual dysfunctions so clearly I'm more of an expert than the people who extensively use porn with no ill effects

Catallus5
You said
'gripping it too tightly hurts. It doesn't get you to orgasm. It doesn't feel nice. And it leaves you sore afterwards'

The three examples I gave were men who did exactly this. Gripped in an alarmingly tight manner! And had habitual habits of this every day.

You finish with a final comment;

'And don't say 'well I was there'. They were - not you.'

I think I'm allowed to report on my own empirical experience. The only person who was definitely NOT there was you. You can be the expert of your own erection, not the rest of the male species.

@Japingjaponica
You are not the expert of all male species either are you? only the ones you have encountered, have you met all the 3 billion men on the planet?

By extension of your logic, if I had only had sex with women who wanted to have sex on a Friday, does that mean all 3 billion women only want to have sex on a Friday, of course not, what nonsense

You can be the expert of your own erection, not the rest of the male species.
Bravo

Now we've moved to the sexboard we are basically getting mansplained

@AdamRyan

Now we've moved to the sexboard we are basically getting mansplained

And yet here you are womensplaining You automatically assume you more and talking down to others, way to go 💕

Can we move away from this notion that men only have one way of wanking that they never deviate from. When alone do you only masturbate exactly the same way every single time, the same pressure, the same technique in the same position for the same duration??

I imagine in the heat of moment during sex most blokes probably wank quite aggressively just before cumming. When alone, I imagine how they masturbate depends on what mood they are in, how much time they have etc

I know if I want to cum quickly I will probably masturbate more enthusiastically and with greater 'grip'. On the occasions I am time rich I will take it easy, enjoy it, get comfortable, nice and gentle.

@Palmfrond

I’m a man, and I’ve done a lot of wanking in my time and a fair bit of sexing. My thoughts;

1. If “death grip” anorgasmia, like so much other chlorinated tripe in our current culture, is an American import, it might be something valid to do with men who have been circumcised. Personally I have no idea how one would go about wanking without a foreskin, but I can imagine it involves friction, chafing, and maybe some death gripping?
2. Libido is on an axis of output/input, and this becomes more important and tenuous as one ages. Personally I have small children and my partner and I will schedule in sex ahead of time. Sexy, yes, I know. Anyway I won’t wank for 24 hrs or so before a session is scheduled, as I’m in my 40s and tragically there is just not that much lead in my pencil anymore. Wanking on the other hand I still do once, sometimes twice a day. It’s a completely different thing, physically and psychologically.

Conversely, I've no idea what wanking is like with a foreskin but it's never been a problem for me without one. Everything else I can concur with though, being also in my 40s with younger children!

For me it's about desensitisation, if your buddy is not reacting to his journey to heaven as he should then perhaps you should leave off the FF shuffle for a week or so, the nerves reset and before you know it....boom!!

It's the rewiring of the pleasure receptors that causes the issue. The addiction, habit.
I used to have a lot of chem sex, this created a barrier, mental and physical.
You have to relearn, retrain your brain to enjoy sex in a more traditional manner......

Death grip?

Total rubbish made up by pro-Trumpian NoFap weirdos.

Where does this.gripping really hard thing come from?
Who does that?

@Japingjaponica

Catallus5 You said 'gripping it too tightly hurts. It doesn't get you to orgasm. It doesn't feel nice. And it leaves you sore afterwards'

The three examples I gave were men who did exactly this. Gripped in an alarmingly tight manner! And had habitual habits of this every day.

You finish with a final comment;

'And don't say 'well I was there'. They were - not you.'

I think I'm allowed to report on my own empirical experience. The only person who was definitely NOT there was you. You can be the expert of your own erection, not the rest of the male species.

You've missed the point. There are various things that can cause desensitisation and I listed a number of them above. So I certainly don't deny that the men you mention were desensitised.

What you have wrongly assumed is that death grip caused their problems. You cannot know what actually caused their problems because it happened to them, not you. You were only 'there' for the consequences. What you can know is that it wasn't death grip because the experts of the male species say it doesn't exist. It's just gets in the way of understanding things properly, just like an ad hominem.

Where does this.gripping really hard thing come from? Who does that?
Men I've been with who have done that have also used a lot of porn, been into edging and that kind of thing. Hence why I believe in death grip.