Page 2 | Death grip... too much wanking makes the man unable to ejaculate when having sex with a woman?

Confusednet · 2022-01-08T23:45:34+00:00

True or not? I've had mixed opinions on this - some say it's not a thing others say it certainly is. It ticks all the boxes in regards to my experience with one man. Before this I'd never even heard of death grid. Would be interesting to also get a man's POV.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/01/2022 22:08

I was going to say the same @Tal45 if I ever find a man I'd want to shag ill have to give the vibrator a rest. Doesn't take long to go back to normal though

Marzipano · 09/01/2022 22:09

Personally I have no idea how one would go about wanking without a foreskin, but I can imagine it involves friction, chafing, and maybe some death gripping?

I'm circumcised, and a little lube and a fairly gentle touch works for me. I'm not convinced death grip is really a thing.

1300cakes · 09/01/2022 22:11

I think it's true and I've experienced a partner having it (I'm female). In his case he was gripping extremely hard and doing it too often. Not "too often" in a moral sense, but more often than his body could really make happen. He could hardly get hard for the 3rd or 4th time in a day, so he'd grip on like a vice desperately trying to make something happen. Thus the cycle continued. Sex was impossible. Even me giving a hand job was difficult, even though I'm relatively strong for a women there was no way to grip as hard as he wanted for more than a minute or two before my hand would be worn out.

Knutface · 09/01/2022 22:16

I don’t believe this.

But what I have discovered from dating 20+ years ago and then dating casually today is that the availability of hardcore porn has changed things a lot (expectations, needing something extra etc).

3scape · 09/01/2022 22:17

There was a guy who I was with for a while who had got stuck in a definite pattern (over 7 years) for wanking with no partners in that time to vary things up. And it had become something he did to go to sleep.

He found it difficult, at first to orgasm during sex. It took a few weeks of sex marathons and him stopping that habit to "reset" no idea if that was death grip or entirely psychological association.

PorkSprinkles · 09/01/2022 22:20

If this was a thing the human race would have died out long ago. According to MN all men wank all the time. There are no academic studies of any kind on this internet pish.

TomAllenWife · 09/01/2022 22:30

DP wanks a lot and watches porn

He has no problem reaching orgasm through sex or me getting him off

So I guess it depends on the man

Hemingwayscatz · 09/01/2022 22:34

It’s true. DH had been single for a rather long time when we first met so he was used to masturbation and struggled to ejaculate during sex for at least three months. I’d never experienced it before and thought there was something wrong with me but nope, he was just too used to wanking. Been fine ever since.

TrishM80 · 09/01/2022 22:42

@Hemingwayscatz

It’s true. DH had been single for a rather long time when we first met so he was used to masturbation and struggled to ejaculate during sex for at least three months. I’d never experienced it before and thought there was something wrong with me but nope, he was just too used to wanking. Been fine ever since.

So he stopped wanking after meeting you?

AdamRyan · 09/01/2022 22:44

@Vintagecreamandcottagepie

Men wanking loads more due to porn.

It is a thing; mental and physical.

Be pleased if you remain unaware of it un relation to your life.

This

TrishM80 · 09/01/2022 22:46

@Magnited

Your statement does not agree to mine though, which was more subtle.

Your statement was wrong, though. The female body has no unique power to bring a man to orgasm that can't be recreated by a fleshlight for example, or by his own hand, or by another man (otherwise how would gay men achieve orgasm?!)

SantaClawsServiette · 09/01/2022 22:49

Yeah, it's a thing. Like a lot of things, it doesn't play out the same way for everyone, just like two people can eat the same diet and only one puts on weight.

dworky · 09/01/2022 22:50

@FortunesFave

I always believed it but read yesterday that the man who came up with the idea of death grip also came up with something called dead vagina and he said women who can't orgasm through penis in vagina are like that because they use vibrators too much.

What a crock!

Particularly as most women don't use vibrators to masturbate.

AdamRyan · 09/01/2022 22:51

@PorkSprinkles

If this was a thing the human race would have died out long ago. According to MN all men wank all the time. There are no academic studies of any kind on this internet pish.

Not entirely true. There are studies showing a correlation with increased availability of porn and sexual dysfunction in men, but it's not been proved adequately that porn causes it. www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/

It's not just mumsnet, if you look on reddit there are lots of men claiming to be affected and supporting each other to cure it.

I guess you're only going to think its definitely a thing if you've been personally impacted - I have been in a relationship with a porn addict who took ages to finish, so I think porn affects mens sexual performance in a bad way.

TrishM80 · 09/01/2022 22:54

I think the issue is that everyone on mumsnet has the reflex reaction of "porn addict" or "death grip" any time a man commits the crime of not being able to orgasm, when the reason is just as likely to be low libido, stress, anti depressants etc. It's become such a cliché.

EightWheelGirl · 09/01/2022 23:13

I thought the way death grip was supposed to work was that you became accustomed to a much more tighter, faster, more intense sensation and became desensitised to the normal feeling of having sex.

EightWheelGirl · 09/01/2022 23:14

Porn induced ED (PIED) is interesting. Professionals claim it doesn't exist and that porn shouldn't stop men being able to perform, but several documentaries claim that they have evifence that it rewires the brain in some way.

EightWheelGirl · 09/01/2022 23:16

However, the increased use of porn coinciding with more ED could also just be a coincidence and general unfitness, diet, and lower testosterone could be the culprits. Men's testosterone is significantly lower than it was 20 years ago, and it was even higher several decades before that.

AdamRyan · 10/01/2022 07:46

It could be.
There is not enough research to know. Personally I think the number of men looking for help for "death grip" and other dysfunction they attribute to porn should tell us something. Plus the huge amount of marriages that break down because of porn - suggesting there is a significant number of porn users who can't control their use even when there are severe negative consequences
verilymag.com/.amp/2017/07/causes-of-divorce-effects-of-watching-pornography

Anyway. In relation to op there is never going to be an answer that is more than anecdata about death grip, because it hasn't been studied. However I believe the men who post all over the Internet saying they have it and looking for help. And the fact sex therapists are advertising to help men with it backs that up. They wouldn't bother paying to create and run adverts if it didn't bring in work

OhGiveUp · 10/01/2022 08:38

@confusednet Death grid? Maybe you ought to stop wiring your vibe to the mains? 😯

Idontknowlondon · 10/01/2022 22:18

@EightWheelGirl

I thought the way death grip was supposed to work was that you became accustomed to a much more tighter, faster, more intense sensation and became desensitised to the normal feeling of having sex.

Yes, that's what happened with my DH. He doesn't use much porn, it wasn't porn related desensitisation, but just loads of wanking. Once he stopped the very frequent seeing to himself it got better.

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 10/01/2022 22:24

Evening, everyone. Hope you don't mind but we've moved this to the sex topic just to spare the blushes of the more delicate posters in AIBU... if indeed there are such posters there...

curmudgeonly007 · 10/01/2022 22:58

I think there is probably some truth in saying that some men might have bad / poor/ aggressive/ dry masturbation technique or hooked on porn and become conditioned to it, but the term gets chucked around with abandon on this forum to describe any male sexual disfunction ( mostly be people who don’t seem to understand the basics of male biology?)

I also saw a comment about there being more ED, again I don’t really really believe this, more men might be coming forward saying they have ED as it something to be much less embarrassed about nowadays.

But then you also have to look at some of underlying reasons for ED, heart disease, circulation issues, high cholesterol, meds, drug abuse, steroid abuse, drink the list goes on and on, so which comes first (no pun), the ED or poor health decisions

Abbo552 · 11/01/2022 08:45

@TrishM80

I think the issue is that everyone on mumsnet has the reflex reaction of "porn addict" or "death grip" any time a man commits the crime of not being able to orgasm, when the reason is just as likely to be low libido, stress, anti depressants etc. It's become such a cliché.

Yep, it’s like an old Western film, when someone is selling snake oil, no matter what is wrong, Snake oil will fix it. No matter what is wrong with a man, Death Grip is the answer, if it wasn’t so predictably boring it would be funny.

Japingjaponica · 12/01/2022 18:37

I agree with this. I've known three fairly long-term single men who struggled. One could NEVER orgasm inside me, only through masturbation.
Another could only orgasm through anal..presume that's a better grip. Another could not maintain an erection apart from in one position, and would pull out to rub himself to finish.
I currently have a Fwb who doesn't really masturbate, maintains a lovely erection and can do all sorts of positions and it's heavenly.