Being/Getting in the mood!

[Lilolily]

Am I a bit weird in that I can’t just instantly “be in the mood” for sex? I honestly don’t understand how people do it.

I’m definitely a night time sex person rather than morning, but I find that I need a “moment” to feel that desire and slowly work upto having sex, I could never just snap into the mood.

The thought of a partner saying “fancy a bit” or similar and expecting me to just do it is like my worst nightmare!

I suppose my question is, how do you get into the mood fast?

If I think about sex now and again throughout the day, it makes me get into the mood. But the problem with this, is that you have to have time to think about it. If you're rushing about all day due to responsibilities, its very difficult to put that thinking time in!

I have found that naughty text messages work well throughout the day to get me into the mood.

If I masturbate first it can get me more in the mood and make me orgasm more easily through sex.

Some people can go 0-60 in seconds, some need a lot of warming up first. Make the most of what works for you. We like to send each other filthy gifs on WhatsApp during the day. Looking for something you think the other person would like is half of the fun. We're more than ready when the time comes later.

I used to wonder about this too OP, then I read about something called sexual currency. It's like what @lostincumbria mentioned where you have moments/comments/touches/messages throughout the day, possibly hinting at what you would like to do later.
I also believe that the more you have sex, the more you want it.

Am I a bit weird in that I can’t just instantly “be in the mood” for sex

Absolutely not, I'd say that's completely normal @Lilolily . Sometimes we're horny, sometimes we're not, according to various factors.

Sex should happen when the people involved both happen to be horny at the same time.

I remember hearing what I expect is an old phrase
"Women are like irons,
Men are like light bulbs"

Every one of us is unique, but my limited experience suggests there is some truth to it.

I think I might be a little unusual as I'm very much like this.
In our busy lives with jobs and kids, there is simply no time to think about it, and when work is finally over and the house stuff done, you're either so knackered or stressed with work or concerned with other worries and anxieties, it's just not on my mind.

I like the concept of a sexual currency mentioned above, but this is not a factor in our marriage and never has. DW, whilst not a prude, just doesn't express sexuality outside of the bedroom in any way whatsoever, so the needle is always on zero.

Given all that, when I'm in bed, from a starting point of absolute zero, it takes a fair bit of effort to get me in the mood.