Too much sex??

[flipflopshrug]

Hi folks

I've recently started a new relationship, we're about 2 months in and everything has been amazing. We're still in the honeymoon phase and have basically been at it like rabbits for the whole 2 months.. last night we DTD and afterwards he said he thinks he needs a few days off as his orgasms aren't as 'intense' as they were when we first met. He thinks he needs a few days where he doesn't cum so that he can 'build his reserves' (his words) so that it'll feel 'amazing' again. He said that when we first got together his orgasms were shattering and he'd feel them all over, whereas last night it was more 'yep that's it'.

Now I feel like I'm not doing enough to please him? Mine are still amazing, don't get me wrong there are instances where they're less intense than others, but they're still amazing.

I suppose I'm asking is it normal for men to need a few days sex free to 'recuperate'?

He said he still wants to have sex but he'll just make sure he doesn't finish... to me that sort of defeats the object- sex is amazing and the closeness of being with your partner is obviously a big part of it, but without the big finale surely it's an anti-climax (no pun intended) 😂

Please let me know your thoughts?

I guess putting myself last will never really help me but if it means that my children’s happiness is put above myn then as long as they’re happy, I’m happy. I know it’s a strange way of thinking but maybe one day I will have that lightbulb moment and it will be the turning point for me.

@Isthisitforever It does seem as if you had the lightbulb moment quite sometime ago. I understand putting the kids first and this is what we have always done. Not sure it has done them any favours though now they are older.

How can you not have resentment?

@IsItJustMeOrYou - Yes I do get resentful, I guess I’ve just tried to shut that part down. I keep myself busy, so I don’t have to face the reality of how things are.

@Isthisitforever - hugs and
I feel for you - that's no way to live.

@AverageGuy - I know, maybe reality will hit me soon enough!

my Dh grew up in a 'difficult' household and he has told me a number of times that kids really don't miss much with their parents. He spent his childhood blaming himself and it has shaped his personality to this day.

Sorry it sounds sh*t.

I would have said that there are ways to satisfy you in the meantime, but it seems as if that advice is not needed, given the resumption of 'normal service'.

On the subject of lack of sex within a marriage, I’ve been with my DH for 15 years and since 2010 we somehow fell into a routine of sex only once or month or every 2 months. Soul destroying. I wanted more, he wasn’t interested.

However for some reason, after 11 years of this, we’ve started to have sex again more frequently - once or twice a week! I have no idea why but I make sure I let him know that I think it’s amazing.

We sleep in separate beds for various reasons, and instead of being an obstacle, it seems to make it more exciting.

Sometimes it can work out, and it doesn’t mean the end of your relationship.

@IsItJustMeOrYou - I know, it’s quite complex and at the moment it would be difficult to leave. I know I can’t continue like this forever though.

@DixonD - I think in many cases things can change but I don’t know if things could ever go back to how they once were.
I’m happy for you and your DH though that you were able to have an active sex life again.

@JustAnotherOldMan

There are posts on here from women with children who's OH are effectively sex pests, as they are run ragged with the children, washing, ironing, housework etc, and are too tired, or too sore to think about sex, but their OH "expect" sex, and then posts from women who's OH don't seem to be interested any more..

As a man I’m always fascinated to read about men who have seemingly go off sex in a relationship/ marriage, somehow seems so odd to me, so not normal, I know people have up and downs, but to not want sex for years and years seems so strange

It could be all sorts of reasons.

It could be that she has let herself go and he no longer finds her attractive.

Or the sex is only ever on her terms leaving him feeling disenfranchised.

Or the sex is dull and/or her technique poor and he's just got bored and can't be bothered any more as it's not really doing it for him.

Or she's turned into a negative, nagging drain on his life, killing his libido.

Or she doesn't pay him any attention or take an interest in him as a person, leaving him feeling unloved.

All the above absolutely apply the other way round as can be read about frequently on MN, so It makes sense that a gender reversal could quite conceivably exist the other way - I've certainly experienced some of the above factors which have put me right off sex at the time.

@HerHusband - You are right there are many factors that can affect a man’s/woman’s sex drive, however, you don’t just stop, you address any issues.
I am not a nagging, crap at sex, attention depriving, unattractive wife either.

My DP is late 60s - we have a lot of sex but he prefers to save his orgasms and have just one or two a week - he likes the build-up & the sexual tension it creates, plus it feels better for him when it happens.

I'm happy with that as I'm certainly not missing out myself