No libido, rubbish sex life

[Noyesnoyesno]

So I'm late 30s and I've been with my husband for about 16 years. Our sex life is terrible and has been for a while. We average about once a month maximum. We have 3 young kids, we both have stressful jobs and work long hours. We seem to always be exhausted. Even if that wasn't the case, I'm just not sure what's happened to my libido! if I'm honest I'd rather cosy up in front of the TV than have sex. I always orgasm during sex but it generally just doesn't feel that exciting, connected or fun anymore. It seems to take my husband ages to cum and we are totally out of sync. I love him and have no plans to want to leave but sometimes I'm not sure how much I fancy him anymore. Is this normal? What can we do to get the spark back?

Completely and utterly normal. Give it time but keep communicating about your feelings and issues to make sure you are both on the same page. Life has a habit of getting in the way at times when you have young kids and full time work.

Yes it's normal but you need to work at your sex life when you have young DC. Sometimes it can seem unexciting, a chore even, but sex is the glue in a relationship, it will keep you together when everything else is falling apart. When our DC were young, more than twenty years ago now, and sex was in danger of slipping off the agenda we agreed that we should try not to longer than a week without. And here we are, still together and still with an active and fulfilling sex life. We made an effort and it paid off.

Having no libido and not fancying your husband arent necessarily the same thing. Do you ever look at other men and think phwoar? Do you masturbate and enjoy the orgasms on your own?

That is a really good point, we definitely need to work at it and we aren't. We prioritise everything else first.

I feel guilty that I do look at other men and fantasise about them. I do masterbate and have orgasms. But I have to say I masturbate a lot less than I used to. Even masturbation I'm having to make more of an effort with. I figured if I started masturbating more I might feel more sexy, but I probably don't do it every week.