Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Fed up with sex life

52 replies

SparklyGlitter95 · 16/11/2020 21:01

Just a rant really. Been with partner 6 years, we get on well and he's great in all other aspects. The only problem is our sex life. I think we are maybe just uncompatible in that department! Sex is only ever PIV, he won't do oral as he doesn't like it, won't use his hands on me, toys are out of the question as he doesn't like the thought of them either. He still asks me to give oral to him though, but he says 'if you aren't gagging you are doing it wrong'. So i don't really enjoy giving them. Sex is always so rough and I'm never really turned on enough as there no foreplay so it can be painful- he won't use lube either, yet another thing he doesn't like. I've actually wondered if he's gay as he shows no interest in my body, it's very much all about him and his pleasure every single time. I dont think he could pick my vagina out of a line up, he's honestly never touched or looked at it! I've never had an orgasm with him, but I can get myself there in under 5 minutes and had no problem getting there with previous partners. I've talked to him about it plenty of times, but he thinks I'm the problem- apparently his ex loved sex with him and always had multiples. Also i know he watches alot of porn. Is this worth splitting up over do you think? I really miss good passionate sex with mutual foreplay etc, but we get on so well in all other regards so it seems a shame to split up over this. Also We have 2 DC together. Thoughts please

OP posts:

Colinthedaxi · 16/11/2020 21:37

"Is this worth splitting up over do you think?"

Yes. Though I really struggle that he is a good partner and father in all other respects and so selfish and IMO downright unpleasant in bed.

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/11/2020 21:48

Do you really want to live like this for the next twenty plus years? It sounds bloody awful to be honest. You have talked to him and he won’t change. Sounds like you have a decision to make op (I wouldn’t be putting up with this if it was me..)

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 16/11/2020 21:51

@Purplecatshopaholic I'm in my twenties so it could be this for another 40 years if nothing changes. Just seems such a shame to split the family up over it.

OP posts:

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/11/2020 22:02

Oh golly op, you are so young! Such a difficult issue when you have kids and a life together. Would he agree to counselling maybe? Or at least a very serious conversation between the two of you so he really gets how you are feeling? Life is so short for such a shit sex life, and he just sounds so selfish - it won’t get better if he won’t admit he needs to change.

Malpki · 16/11/2020 22:40

I'm not even sure you should be giving him an ultimatum, as he sounds like a complete selfish t**t.

I'm into a bit of dominance and rough stuff, but only fully consentual and everyone is getting what they want. He has zero respect for you

lunalulu · 16/11/2020 23:33

I would tell him to fuck right off.

normalmumandwife · 17/11/2020 05:48

I've read of some men that are bad at sex but this is the worst I've read...can't believe he doesn't even want to touch you...for virtually all men that's exactly what they want to do and what you needs.

Sorry @SparklyGlitter95 but I think you might be right when thinking he could be gay

StarlightLady · 17/11/2020 06:38

There are far too many teferences to “he” an “him” here.

Might he be gay? I don’t know and neither can anyone else responding to this thread. But what l do know is that gay does not equate to selfish.

Over the years I’ve had quite a number of bed friends, call them lovers if you like. If people search posts in this section, they will see that on more than one occasion, l have said that l won’t opt to share my body with someone who won’t offer oral. One benefit of doing this is demonstrated here.

Likewise, going down on a man should feel comforting, it’s about sharing, it is not about gagging.

Lube, maybe you need it, maybe you don’t, you won’t be able to tell if things are not being done properly.

Whether you can sort this out, l don’t know. It will take more than an MN thread to get near this.

But, what I do know in the meantime is that you can at least treat yourself to a vibey and enjoy some “me time”. You say he doesn’t like the thought of toys (another “he” again!); this is for you!

Take care OP .

StarlightLady · 17/11/2020 06:40

Sorry, it’s early. The above post should begin “Too many references to “he” and “him” here”.

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 06:54

He has said finds anything other than PIV a chore, and completely boring. He told me no other women wants to do the things I've asked for (foreplay). I just don't know how to get him to want to do these things. It feels like getting someone who hates heights to go up the eiffel tower, its just not happening.

OP posts:

marchez · 17/11/2020 08:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nonflirtinghusband · 17/11/2020 08:06

I think you need to trade him in OP. I find it very hard to believe that any every other woman he's been with doesn't want foreplay! Perhaps he's been watching too much porn. Whatever it is, the sex sounds terrible and you would be completely justified in dumping him.

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 08:06

You are right @marchez. Of course I can't force him, nor do I want to. I want him to want to do it willingly. I just don't know if its worth splitting up over when everything else is fine. I'm worried I could end up with someone who is good in bed, but has downfalls in other areas.

OP posts:

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 08:10

@nonflirtinghusband he's only been with 3 people before me, 2 were one night stands. I think he's inexperienced and gets alot of his info from porn.

OP posts:

nonflirtinghusband · 17/11/2020 08:22

It does sound like it OP. But why doesn't he care about your pleasure? Surely a loving partner would want you to be satisfied? My DH is fairly crap in bed, but he would be mortified if I told him, which is why it's so difficult to sort out! It seems like your partner doesn't give a toss how you feel, and you deserve much more than that.

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 08:33

He thinks I should be satisfied by what he's already doing, he thinks I'm 'awkward' and 'impossible to make orgasm'. So in his eyes he's doing everything right and it's not working.

OP posts:

xpc316e · 17/11/2020 08:42

'Is this worth splitting up over?' Well, since you ask I will say that it certainly isn't worth staying together...

He sounds as though he is utterly selfish in bed, and for me it would be incredibly unusual if that character trait were to be confined solely to the bedroom. He is not worth the rest of your life.

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 09:21

He isn't selfish in other ways, he helps with the kids and housework pretty much 50/50, is generous, is kind, works hard, pulls his weight. Like I say I'm worried if I split up over this i could end up with someone who is good in bed but has other downfalls... is it worth it? Especially judging by some of the threads on here, I feel I have it better than most women in other ways

OP posts:

LouJ85 · 17/11/2020 11:40

He still asks me to give oral to him though, but he says 'if you aren't gagging you are doing it wrong'.

This made me shudder. Partly because it's completely insensitive on his part but not only that, why oh why do men (and some women for that matter) find wretching during oral sex a turn on?? It is quite frankly the least sexy sound and action I can think of. Yuk.

itsureis · 17/11/2020 11:49

"I'm worried I could end up with someone who is good in bed, but has downfalls in other areas."

Why can't you find find someone who is good is bed AND is good in other areas ? Someone a little like yourself - a decent, kind, thoughtful, considerate person.

And you won't be "splitting up" the family. Your children will be living with 2 parents who are happy, living apart, than miserable and living together. It'll take time to adjust but in time you may find yourself happier, even if you're single.

If you're not miserable living together then stay - but once you've had an exciting, fulfilling sex-life you won't settle for anything less.
The happiness you feel naturally spills over into other areas in your life and you become yourself.

noego · 17/11/2020 12:22

He obviously gets his info from porn. Gagging is not a thing IRL IMO.

Two ways of doing this isn't there.
He steps up to the plate as it were by getting himself educated in the female body and all its nuances or you separate share custody and find a man that gives you the sexual pleasure you crave.

nonflirtinghusband · 17/11/2020 12:24

But OP, you wouldn't end up with someone like that because if you met someone who turned out to be like that you would end it. I think you need to have higher standards for yourself. There are decent men out there.

BarryTheKestrel · 17/11/2020 13:02

From what you've said, he is inexperienced and is watching too much porn to get his education. The question is, why have you put up with awful sex for 6 years and had 2 children with him?

Has he ever watched you masturbate? Maybe if he saw what you do, what you like, how quickly you can get yourself off, he may change his mind about how 'impossible to please' you are? I know this has helped me when partners just aren't understanding what I want and what feels good for me.

Original poster

SparklyGlitter95 · 17/11/2020 13:21

@BarryTheKestrel I got pregnant 8 weeks into the relationship so we made it work. I thought the sex would get better in time. He has no interest in watching me masturbate, he only likes jackhammer action which I don't do during masturbation. I am starting to really think its a lost cause to be honest.

OP posts:

BarryTheKestrel · 17/11/2020 13:38

@SparklyGlitter95 I think you might be right. I don't know about you but i couldn't spend the rest of my life in a sexually unsatisfying relationship. He has no interest in your pleasure at all.

Flip

1 2 3

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.