Is this normal?

[princessconsulabananahammock]

So in my 40s and have not had sex for a very very long time. I am single and hopefully one day will meet someone as I want intimacy and sex. However I just struggle to get aroused. I used to get turned on by steamy scenes and reading books etc but now nothing. If I be honest never really pleasures myself as don’t know how to but am terrified as is this it now. Have any other women experiences this and if so please tell me it doesn’t last!!

I have not experienced a complete lack of arousal, no.

If I be honest never really pleasures myself as don’t know how to but am terrified as is this it now

Perhaps you should learn. I believe every woman should know her body and how it is aroused.

I would say try not to worry OP .IME the less sex you have ,the less you miss it .

Try not to overthink it ,I'm sure that with the right partner it will come back .

I wouldn't over think it. I was in a similar position in a sexless and abusive relationship. I had no self esteem & no interest in sex. 2 years divorced & I've met an amazing man & we have the most intense & intimate sex life
I'm 50 so you have plenty of time left to enjoy 😊

Similar to mug2018 I'd been in a relationship where I had not had sex for many years .My decision ,not my partners .Which I know is awful as although he never raised the subject and we never discussed it ,he was not of the same mind as me .

Anyway ,here I am 70 years of age and having the most intimate lovely and passionate sex (with another partner ) that I have ever had with any one in my life .

@peridito

I would say try not to worry OP .IME the less sex you have ,the less you miss it .

Try not to overthink it ,I'm sure that with the right partner it will come back .

This 👆🏼. Also I think as you get older it's easier to when you get to bed go to sleep so even when I was single I used to have a play during the day (helps I work from home)...

@noego

If I be honest never really pleasures myself as don’t know how to but am terrified as is this it now

Perhaps you should learn. I believe every woman should know her body and how it is aroused.

Totally agree with this. I got divorced at 40 and for about 2.5 years completely lost interest.

Then a tiny bit came back and I dug out my old rabbit which was not longer working. Paid a visit to LoveHoney which was quite enlightening.

18 months later I have an extensive collection of toys, a virtual FWB and write erotic fiction as a hobby...it's definitely possible to rediscover your mojo!

Thank you all ladies. All advice above taken on board.

I'd recommend the Ferly app. Great for all things self-pleasure.

Article about Ferly

www.theguardian.com/careers/2020/jul/06/a-journey-to-mindful-sex-how-a-new-app-is-helping-women-find-sexual-wellbeing

@cluelesswriter

My kind of woman :)

@peridito

I would say try not to worry OP .IME the less sex you have ,the less you miss it .

Try not to overthink it ,I'm sure that with the right partner it will come back .

I disagree with the premise here.

If you want to have a healthy sex life with a partner in the future, OP, then the best thing you can do is develop a healthy sex life with yourself.

Are you otherwise healthy physically and mentally? Tiredness and stress are huge killers of aphrpdisiac. Any trauma related to sex or intimacy?

'Come as you are' is a great book about female sexual arousal.