Going down...

[PeanutButterSarnie]

Have been with wife for many years, we are both in 40s. I have always wanted to go down on her, but she has always said 'no' whenever I ask to do it or start slowly to head south in the hopes that she will relent. She is very happy to blow me (although not to orgasm).

I do miss this element of sex as I always enjoyed making previous partners come. For context, she won't let us introduce any toys, and manually makes herself come during PIV missionary/doggy sex.

Is it simply time to give up or is there still something I could do/say to reassure her, if there's a powerful mental block involved?

Any suggestions gratefully received.

Perhaps she just doesn’t like it? She’s made her feelings clear, please respect her boundaries and leave it.

But if a man refuses to growl at the badger the mumsnet standard response is to bin him off. We almost never hear "respect his boundaries".

She’s missing out! It may well be that she feels self conscious, it’s difficult if she doesn’t want to. I would have an honest chat with her and explain that you’d love to try it as it’s so pleasurable and you like to please etc. Obviously if she doesn’t want to then you shouldn’t push the issue but a proper chat about it might be a good idea.

I don't always like it because it can make me feel over sensitive so no matter how good a man is at it, it's never going to be my favourite thing. Not everyone is into everything and that's fine.
If it's confidence issues, then talk to her about it, but if she doesn't want to do it then you have to leave it. You don't want her doing something she doesn't enjoy.

@Happyhusband I’m not sure what you mean? The OPs wife does go down on him. He wants to go down on her but she’s not keen. Why shouldn’t he respect that?

OP, l am responding as a woman, of similar age, who, if I was forced to choose between receiving oral or having penatrative sex, l would opt for oral. Although l wouldn’t be very happy about having to choose in the first place.

May l ask if she has ever experienced oral with previous partners? Or is it a case that she has a mental block (sorry, bad wording!) because she considers it would be unpleasant?

Hi @StarlightLady,

I don't think she's ever permitted any partners to do it. I think she asociates 'vagina' with 'unpleasantness' (odor? taste?). She won't let me touch her there either.

She is really not the kind of person who talks about stuff like this! She would ignore me or walk away if I attempted to analyse or reassure. Questions like "Why don't you like X?" ('X' being oral, peanut butter, Stilton cheese, etc. etc. are met with the inevitable response, "I just don't").

It's such a shame because, as @Ginorwine30 puts it, she really has no idea what she is missing! Shame!

There's something gone on somewhere in her life for her to dismiss sex in such a way.

But if a man refuses to growl at the badger the mumsnet standard response is to bin him off. We almost never hear "respect his boundaries".

We're respecting him by binning him off in the knowledge that he will never bring us the satisfaction we require hth.

@noego

There's something gone on somewhere in her life for her to dismiss sex in such a way.

No necessarily. I don’t particularly enjoy oral sex. It’s very intimate and unless done perfectly it has an off Putting effect on me.

Take it or leave it tbh.

I don’t particularly enjoy oral sex. It’s very intimate and unless done perfectly it has an off Putting effect on me.

What makes you feel this way?

Coz I enjoy a confident lover. If they’re shit at it then they’re likely gonna be bad at the rest. And I lose interest. This is probably more about me than anything else though....

No necessarily. I don’t particularly enjoy oral sex. It’s very intimate and unless done perfectly it has an off Putting effect on me.

Take it or leave it tbh.

@damnthisvirusandmarriage

I can relate to this, admittedly I’ve never received what I consider mind-blowing oral sex, as a result I’ve never orgasmed. As you say though, maybe it’s more about me.

My husband was amazing at it to be fair. Knew exactly what I liked and made me climax once from it x

My friend won't let her DH go down even though he really wants too because of two traumatic births and she sure it looks ok anymore, which I think is really sad.

*she thinks it looks weird that should say