What does “not vanilla “ sex suggest to you ?

[matahairyy]

Kind of thing?

I would assume vanilla to include foreplay, touching, kissing, potentially oral and Piv sex.

Any sort of tying up, costumes, spanking, anal, threesomes, etc.. to be not vanilla!

Hmm. I’m thinking s&M too.

Usually refers to anything other than gentle missionary stuff, but could extend to a whole multitude of things! It’s a fair bet they’re crap in bed!

Surely it's easier to define what vanilla means to the person using that word.

As for your question to me it would mean S&M, role play, food sex, fetish play.

Not vanilla to me would probably suggest toys, rimming, maybe a bit of light bondage (slapping etc)

Thought you said foot sex. But it’s probably that too

Usually fetish / bdsm related.

If some person has said to you that they aren't into vanilla sex I think you need to know what they are hoping for as there is a whole spectrum of kink and BDSM out there.

They could be submissive, dominant, like wrestling in custard, anything...

Chocolate (yuk) or Strawberry (yuk yuk)...

I don't think it's fair to immediately leap to BDSM. I'm not vanilla, but certainly not in to BDSB, pain or humiliation type kinks.

It would be better to ask what their main kinks are, and hard limits (what there absolute no's are). If you are considering getting in to a sexual relationship then have a think about your own limits and set boundaries early on.

For me, not necessarily BDSM, just something more than the usual missionary position type of sex.

Being a bit adventurous...

Nothing wrong with vanilla, but I agree with PP that you'd need to clarify what that is.

I've been with a foot fetishist and water sports lover. It was all quite meh, for me. He loooooved it, but in the end I felt like an extension to his mastubatory fantasies.

I suppose people would class my tastes as vanilla, but the sex is good imo!!

Another one here agreeing it can mean anything beyond your usual sex and foreplay. Could be dressing up, tying up, roughing up... foot/rubber fetish or maybe they want you to scream hallelujah at the crucial moment. Best I think to ask a few more questions and make no assumptions :)

I imagine vanilla sex is just the basics, foreplay and then PIV, not overly adventurous. Introduce outfits, toys and roleplay then it's not vanilla.

Vanilla sex is basics but also includes the ‘soft’ kinky things that have become mainstream, roleplay, toys etc are all vanilla. Vanilla sex just means it’s within the norms of what the vast majority in society are open to, more people are getting involved with elements of bdsm because of the rise of things like fifty shades of grey but that is still vanilla since it’s more widespread meaning it fits the definition ‘within the range of normality for a culture.’ Non vanilla is bdsm done properly, kinks and fetishes which are not mainstream or widespread.

Youve read all the fifty shades books

No, I haven’t. They’re a bad depiction of BDSM and they’re just badly written books in general