Getting hard

[underthe]

me and my boyfriend have been having. Bad time the last few months I found out he wanking and paying for porn sites ect, all sorted now I think, he was wanking when I was in the house with our kids, he said he would stop and wouldn't go on the site ect anymore, last night I showed him a clip of a porn video, (we know the man in it and I thought it was funny, but he got hard over it! Should I be worried? Even though I could see he was hard he lied and said he wasn't got all defensive and started having a right go at me? Am I in the wrong for point it out and getting moody because he was hard!

I'm a little confused.

-do you mean that he is wanking instead of ever having sex with you?

Wanking is perfectly ok and it doesn't matter who's in the house as long as no one has to watch. Surely?

If it is effecting your sex life and self-esteem then I would tell him that it is doing this and ask him to reduce for this sake at the very least. I have had this problem and it hurt me for a long long time. It did get better eventually.

-is his paying for porn leaving you short of money? Is it your joint funds he's spending?

This is a problem certainly and that is the angle you should take rather than shaming him for wanking. Wanking is a normal and healthy activity. You could try it?

Also if he is used to you shaming him for wanking then of course he'll deny getting hard and get defensive when you point it out. Stop shaming him for wanking and then he will be less likely to act in a defensive way! If I was shamed for wanking I'd feel like utter shit and it would ruin my relationship.

Yabu for shaming him.

He was taking it from our money and leaving us sort. He was doing it every day so he didn't want sex with me there was fake email everything it wasn't just a odd wank here and there!

He would go up stairs while I'm looking after the kids in the living room I think it's out of Oder he should of been helping me 🤷‍♀️ we have 3 kids under the age of 5

In that case it sounds like an addiction. He needs help. Or he's an utter asshole.

I'd be giving him a 'see a GP/psychologist/insert other medical professional ' or I leave ultimatum.

Nothing wrong with wanking or looking at porn but paying for it sounds like he has issues. Have you asked why he is paying for porn when he's in a relationship with you.