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Original poster

New guy has a kink for “wide open holes.” 🙄 Not sure if it’s good or not?

61 replies

Funnyitisnt · 08/06/2019 22:18

there’s a new guy I have been seeing for several months. So far all normal and nice and emotionally he’s great - respectful, kind etc but he has been discussing his kinks a lot with me and I am trying to understand whether these are a result of too much porn use over the years or they are genuine personal fetishes that I should try and fulfil for him.

He has told me he wants to do “face-fucking,” as he calls it. Basically deepthroating with my hands tied behind my back. He says he likes the idea of me “gagging” on him (impossible as he is actually quite small,) his other kink is vaginal “fisting.” He says he likes the idea of “wide open holes,” so I suppose fisting fits that particular theme.

He says he has only done both once with another sexual partner but would like to do them with me. He is talking like that is the entire extent of what will fully get him off, sexually, which to me seems quite limited. Vanilla sex with him has so far been ok but not great, as he does not find it easy to get an erection so i’m getting some porn addiction alarm bells.

Is this even realistic in a normal relationship? Where would he even get this “wide open holes” kink from? Does it mean something sinister? Would you be seeing red flags?

OP posts:
PeppermintMe · 08/06/2019 22:31

This is totally a porn addiction. The fisting is vile and explains why women are getting long term damaging injuries. What is wide open holes all about then?
I wouldn't be doing any of that and I'm not vanilla at all - I simply value my pelvic floor and internal organs.

StarlightLady · 09/06/2019 06:49

This is ringing so many alarm bells. Anything which mskes you feel physically uncomfortable during sex is bad sex. Walk away.

Fucksandflowers · 09/06/2019 09:33

It may not necessarily be porn related.

People get all sorts of kinks and fetishes and it isn’t always anything to do with porn.
Course it could be, but equally it might not.

I personally watch a lot of porn (I am female), I certainly am not into anything even slightly BDSM/humiliation and I have known a lot of men who watch a lot of porn who also, as far as I know, are not into anything degrading, violent, humiliating etc.

I think people forget that while horrific content is far too freely available online there is actually also an abundance of porn that depicts perfectly normal sex between perfectly normal people.

IMO, people search for the kind of porn that depicts what they were into before.

Individuals that have always been aroused by the idea of domination or violence will actively seek out that sort of material, likewise people that are aroused by feet will seek out foot videos, lingerie will seek out women wearing lingerie videos etc.

The porn just enhanced and brought out what was already under the surface.

If you don’t get immediately excited by the idea of gagging, gusting etc then your obviously not compatible sexually and I think you should look elsewhere for a man that more closely matches what you are into sexually.

MrsMiggins37 · 12/06/2019 00:33

Oh dear. I’d run, that sounds grim. If he’s not great in the sack anyway it’s hard to see how any of these things are going to make it any better for you. I agree probably also emanates from porn 🙄

Divebar · 13/06/2019 15:49

A friend of mine was with a woman who was very into fisting.... he had never done it before but gave it a go. I’m pretty liberal I would say but fisting is something the woman needs to desire. I don’t think it’s within the “ let’s have a go “ parameters. There’s no way in hell I would do that to please him - not a hope. The face fucking I would also say no to from my POV.... although I love BJs I don’t deep throat and the thought of gagging is a massive turn off for me. So it’s a no and no. I don’t think it matters if he got the ideas from porn or not though... what difference does it make? A position is not intrinsically bad or abusive just because you see 2 people on screen do it (even if you’re opposed to porn) however those 2 suggestions not particularly comfortable for the woman I wouldn’t have thought. Might I suggest if he’s into “ gaping holes” that he gets involved? Perhaps produce a large strap on and see how far is enthusiasm takes him then.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 13/06/2019 17:01

I've enjoyed fisting with one partner but only in the context of it being an occasional part of a varied sex life - and I needed to be extremely aroused.

This "wide open holes" image is really off putting. Don't know about you but my magnificent female genitals are far, far more than a fucking hole as defined by some misogynist.

As for the face fucking and choking, it's outright sadistic. It's a red flag. Please don't let this man tie you up.

You have the right to define your own sexuality and boundaries. Sex isn't about women putting male desires first - or it shouldn't be. Personally, I'd turn him down flat.

He is talking like that is the entire extent of what will fully get him off, sexually, which to me seems quite limited. Vanilla sex with him has so far been ok but not great, as he does not find it easy to get an erection so i’m getting some porn addiction alarm bells.

YY to the porn addiction. I'd be put off by a young man who needed this sort of stimulation to get off. It's all a bit yuck.

Eleanorsummer · 16/06/2019 08:56

I'd run a mile

disneyspendingmoney · 16/06/2019 09:02

You know, he has absolutly no bloody idea what he's talking about. Everything you've described that he wants sounds like the front page of PornHub.

He's basically asking you to do degrading and painful things. And if you don't have a kink for degredation and pain... Say no. And tell him categorically it's not your thing.

Al203 · 16/06/2019 14:15

Whatever happened to good old fashioned romance and trembling anticipation.

EmmaC78 · 16/06/2019 21:42

I'd be running a mile too. Even reading about it makes me feel uncomfortable.

irealkykijeeatibgoussy · 17/06/2019 05:37

so he wants to hold your head and force himself into mouth until you vomit.

To stick himself into your bum so you end up with piles

To put his hand in your bits until you prolapse

That's the extension of what he's asking for.

Do you really think that's a man who understands intimacy in a relationship?

CauliflowerBalti · 17/06/2019 14:02

Perfectly cool for him to want to do that, and doesn't necessarily mean a porn addiction.

NOT cool at all if it's not something you are into.

I personally would run a mile.

tonglong · 17/06/2019 21:43

My current girlfriend loves gagging, being strangled, and choking. It's new to me and I am always concerned she might be in discomfort. She always asks me to make her gag more, I do definitely hold back as I don't want to hurt her.

I do quite enjoy it when she sits on my face a suffocates me.

PussGirl · 18/06/2019 07:05

"Face-fucking" - what a horrible expression - it's properly called "Irrumatio" I believe & can be a real turn-on for me, but never with my hands tied, just my face held gently.

Wide open holes I think must refer to the gaping appearance left after fisting or the extreme use of sex toys - my STBXH found that sort of porn a turn-on - no way am I into anything like that & I'm pretty kinky!

1forAll74 · 29/06/2019 02:36

This wide open holes palaver sounds grim to me, be like me,and prefer wide open spaces to go for a walk in, much nicer than all this stuff ha ha.

birdonawire1 · 30/06/2019 12:39

I'd also run a mile from him

Dadslearning · 01/07/2019 09:03

Sounds like someone with an unhealthy obsession with porn and is attempting to pretend that he’s much more experienced than he actually is. I’d say if your not comfortable you need to get out if there

Pannalash · 02/07/2019 11:04

He sounds repulsive! Tell him the only ‘wide open hole’ he’ll be going near is the front door on a one way trip out.

MarieG10 · 02/07/2019 15:48

@Pannalash il second that one

ArthurScargillsgingerpube · 04/07/2019 10:03

Offer to peg him till his arse is Wide Open. Whats good for the goose....

Dadslearning · 04/07/2019 23:24

@ArthurScargillsgingerpube not all men see that as a negative 😜

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/07/2019 21:35

Yuck.

Antibles · 07/07/2019 16:35

Yes it's totally porn, especially if he can't come from PIV sex. Seriously, fifty years ago you simply didn't find this now depressing number of men who can't come from normal, natural, species-continuing PIV sex. They used to struggle not to come too quickly from it. They've messed themselves up in the head with too much porn. Those acts sound horrible and fisting physically harmful. I have to wonder if he's been grooming you all this time with the nice respectful person act. He won't just want to do it once either.

Frankola · 20/07/2019 16:07

He seems to have a fetish for humiliating his sexual partners if you ask me. Fisting and deepthroating?!

Not my cup of tea. I'd be sacking him off.

Childrenofthestones · 25/07/2019 15:51

Buy the longest fattest cucumber you can find and say to him "Ok.... you first then...bend over"

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