What's the real, honest reason you don't have an affair?

[BusyDoingLittle]

I think a lot of us are tempted sometimes.

My main reason is that I don't trust anyone to keep a secret. If I cheat, I am trusting that person for the rest of their life to never say anything. And if it gets back to DP...then I lose everything.

Maybe you're lucky and your honest reason is that you're so in love and so satisfied that you could never ben with anyone else. If so I respect that and good for you.

What's the real reason you don't cheat?

Never had the opportunity!

Because I believe in sex within a loving, long term, monogamous relationship.

Wouldn't have the energy!

Because I don't believe that it's worth trashing a 10+ year investment over an empty fantasy. Also, I'm sensible enough to know my limitations and realise that I'm lucky to have already found someone who accepts me for who I am.

Also as per PP: who's got the time/energy to sustain the whole duplicity thing? I wish I had that much free time.

Because I'd be scared I'd fall in love, and I'm not ready to leave my marriage yet.

Because it's wrong

Because the sex wouldnt be half as good
Because i dont fancy anybody else
Why would i destroy the love of my life?
Why would i chuck away 31 years ?

Honestly because it’s wrong and there is no grey area - I expect fidelity & have enough respect to be faithful. If I feel like I really want to shag someone else then I’d end the relationship before I did it. I know for a fact DP would too & have had absolute faith in that for the last 16 years.

We talked about it being absolutely non-negotiatiable on our first date. I’ll comprimise on all sorts of shit, but not that.

I’d worry OP that that’s your reason - that you can’t trust anyone, not even your mythical OM!?

Because of how much it would crush and destroy my OH if/when they found out

Because it's just not me. There's no chance I would ever ever ever do it. I'm not that person. I couldn't stand hurting anyone else. Wether it was my oh or the other persons oh if they had one.

The idea of the excitement of sex with someone else is appealing but I wouldn’t do it:
Because of all the hurt it would cause. I love my husband and children.
The fantasy of it would be nothing like the reality.
I wouldn’t want someone to do it to me, so I shouldn’t do it either.

Because I don't want one. I love my husband and I would never want to hurt him. It helps that he's gorgeous and satisfies me sexually so I've got no reason to look elsewhere.

I love my husband and most other men irritate me
Can't be bothered shaving my legs or going through the whole making myself as attractive as possible routine
I'm knackered and don't have the energy to make secret arrangements and do all of that stuff
The shame if anyone found out
Major fear of pregnancy
I can't imagine being able to fit it in at all - I work F/T, have 4 DC and caring responsibilities for elderly parents
All the above reasons are also made irrelevant by the fact that in 19 years of married life no one has ever asked?!

Ha

Has anyone resisted an affair he under an onslaught of attention from an attractive persistent OW/OM?

It's easy to say you wouldn't stray when you're not being chased.

For me, it's knowing the grass can never be greener in reality. But it's been very tough at times.

Because I just don’t want to, wouldn’t matter how much someone chased me I have no interest in anyone other than my DH. I do think it’s wrong, would never want to hurt DH like that and probably all the other reasons pp’s have mentioned but the crux of it is that I only want the person I’m in love with.

I would never cheat as it is dishonest, and that's not me. However, I don't need too because my DH is a very understanding man. I'm lucky........

Been there, done that (A long time ago and not in this relationship). And when it bit us on the @£$€ nobody came out of it well.

Why not now?
Partly opportunity - there's no one at the school gate that I fancy and with full time child care / domestic service, and precious little social life without my SO, there's not a lot of time left.
Partly energy - it's REALLY hard work having an affair.
Partly because it's ultimately unsatisfying - if it's about sex, as good as that may be, there's the spectre that it's illicit (and I don't get off on that per se) - if it's primarily emotional, stolen moments will never be enough.
Largely because I'd rather get the emotional and physical affirmation from this relationship. Even though I get neither and see no hope now that I will.

As above, if I got "caught" I'd loose a lot more than a SO.

I guess the bigger question for me is why my SO doesn't?

And I should also say I couldn't do that to my SO.

I have been very tempted. And I'm probably in a slightly unusual position where I know my DH would actually be okay with it, provided I was discrete and it was only a bit of fun.

The reason I didn't was because it would've involved the OM lying to his OH, and I just couldn't do that to someone.

I couldn't have sex without love.
And I couldn't love anyone else because my whole heart belongs to DH 😍

What if your DP is thinking exactly the same thing? Have you ever discussed it? Why assume that your life would be over?
I’m guessing it’s because you want the freedom for you but not your DP.

I have recently returned to work after maternity leave and have been chatting to a new guy who's made it clear he quite likes me (sounds big headed I know) and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't tempted. I'm not sure if its the attention I like (after being just mum for a year), whether there is just a sexual attraction or a deeper connection. I am happy at home with DP, we have a good life and a lovely home with our DS. I think I haven't/won't act on it is because I couldn't live with myself.....I know no-one would ever find out but it is wrong. If DP did it to me I'd be upset so can't justify myself doing it.

Because I don't want to cause hurt and distress to the people I love.

Because I want my children to believe I am a good and honest person.

Because it's a shitty thing to do to someone.

Because at the end of the day you would just end up putting someone else’s bins out and taking someone else’s kids to school, and it’s not really worth the fall out for all concerned, no matter how wonderful the sex.

And yes, I have been in the situation where there was mutual attraction and it might have been on the cards.

Because I wouldn't want to destroy my DCs family life for five minutes of selfish fun and I have respect for my DP, which I sometimes think is more important than love, or at least that's the main component when you're in a long term relationship.

Also, like MrsSchadenfreude, I don't want a relationship with another man (or woman for that matter).Once all the sparks have stopped flying and the romantic bits has settled into the hum drum of everyday life, you'll still end up picking pants off the floor and arguing about who used the last of the milk.

I can't think of anything good that can come out of an affair. Plus, a relationship based on an affair will be founded in lies and mistrust.