Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Original poster

What's the real, honest reason you don't have an affair?

56 replies

BusyDoingLittle · 30/09/2018 22:16

I think a lot of us are tempted sometimes.

My main reason is that I don't trust anyone to keep a secret. If I cheat, I am trusting that person for the rest of their life to never say anything. And if it gets back to DP...then I lose everything.

Maybe you're lucky and your honest reason is that you're so in love and so satisfied that you could never ben with anyone else. If so I respect that and good for you.

What's the real reason you don't cheat?

OP posts:
Ellalovescake · 04/10/2018 08:58

I don’t normally post on threads but this is something I feel very strongly about. My sister had an affair with a married man and it split up his family. He has three young children and their lives have been changed dramatically as a result of it. I’ll always support and stick by my sister but it involved so many lies for so long that I don’t completely trust her and I don’t respect her the way I want to. She as the above poster says, now takes someone else’s bins out and someone else’s children to school. Now that their relationship is not a secret it has lost the excitement and they argue a lot because it turns out the grass wasn’t greener on the other side. As a result of all of this, I know I would never have an affair because so many people get hurt. My partner is an amazing man and I just wouldn’t hurt him.

InteriorLulu · 04/10/2018 09:48

Because if I was unhappy enough to have an affair it would only be fair to end the relationship I was in.

Because I keep my promises.

Because I know how it feels to have someone cheat on me and I would never put someone through that.

codenameduchess · 04/10/2018 17:30

Because I'm too lazy... Id definitely forget any lies I'd have to tell and give it away immediately. Who has the time? Between working full time and having dc I don't have a minute to bath never mind have another man/woman on the side!

Knackeredmommy · 05/10/2018 19:16

One man is enough headache, I think the thought is exciting but in reality the guilt would eat me up and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

HeckyPeck · 05/10/2018 22:04

Has anyone resisted an affair he under an onslaught of attention from an attractive persistent OW/OM?

I wouldn’t find someone attractive who wouldn’t take “no, I’m married.” for an answer.

AlsoKnownAs17 · 06/10/2018 06:49

I think it's fascinating how many of the comments have been in terms of absolutes, and underpinned by love/respect/caring for their SO. Affairs are what happens when that is gone, or at least damaged, and how we act in those situations is IMHO less certain. People blur their own lines when it suits them.

Withtheirdogafterthewar · 06/10/2018 13:39

I got to know someone at a low point in my marital relationship. I'd liked the look of him when I first saw him, and then when we started talking he made it very clear that he was interested. (And single.) We got as far as arranging a day out together which would have been like crossing the Rubicon I think - and then I cancelled it and didn't speak to him for ages. Cancelled it because I realised I would have been very upset if dh were having that sort of flirty chat with someone, let alone going out for the day with someone secretly, and realised I just didn't want to be that kind of person that would do that. Kicked myself for a while about missing out though.

Dadaist · 06/10/2018 21:08

Well - for most of my marriage I’d say - I wanted to be the man that other women were jealous of - rather than that she was jealous of other women. But ...she got bored of me and that messed things up considerably. Working through it - but b glad I never cheated!

Dadaist · 06/10/2018 21:29

*husband that other women were jealous of

MickHucknallspinkpancakes · 07/10/2018 19:39

Because I'm satisfied.

Because it's wrong and damaging to others.

treesup · 02/12/2018 03:45

Mmmm if I'm honest the same as you OP. An affair would be off the cards as it's too complicated.

However I would have had sex lots of times over the years if I thought I would get away with me.

And although it's crossed me mind (fake name in a different town) I'm just so frightened of social media and would destroy everything. Must a miss lustful sex so so much. Sex with DH is fine but I've been doing it for 15 years, we try and keep it fresh but it's still well, the same

MarieG10 · 02/12/2018 07:22

The thought is a massive turn on and fantasy on occasions, but,

Love my husband and wouldn't do to him
No time
The thought of getting caught
Shame....oh god the playground mafia would have a field day
He is always good at spicing things up in the bedroom to keep things fresh which I love him for

joystir59 · 02/12/2018 19:56

Love my wife.

joystir59 · 02/12/2018 19:58

When I was single I found people who were prepared to cheat on their partners to be with me a complete sickening turn off

Tricuspid · 05/12/2018 15:47

Because I love my wife, and I don't fancy anyone else. I suspect these two facts are related.

Wintercountry · 06/12/2018 10:30

Well I’m going to go against the grain and say that I’m with you OP. I love DP and fancy him and our sex life is fine, could be better, though could be a lot worse. But for me it’s the desire to still be wanted/ attractive to other men.

It’s the first frissions of excitment when catching the eye of a handsome stranger, of sexting and the build up. Now don’t get me wrong, I love being in a relationship and all the advantages/ stability and faniliaraity that it brings, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss getting to know someone new in the bedroom.

Trouble is, I think it’s just how I’m programmed, I’ve felt ‘restless’ sexually in all of my previous relationships. I’ve missed everything I’ve said above. Yet I have friends that have only ever been/ slept with one person and say they are happy with this and never want to sleep with anyone else etc. I envy them, life must be a lot simpler

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I am monogamous, but only because I have to be, rather than because I want to be.

Boomah · 06/12/2018 13:34

I don't want to be the one responsible for tearing my family apart in such an unhealthy way. I'm not happy in my relationship but I'm too scared to change it right now. But after everything we've been through, and I know it's petty, me having an affair would be the thing that broke us up. Not his behaviour. I don't want to cause hurt or distress to anyone, but I also don't want him to be able to play the victim.

Aroundtheworldandback · 07/12/2018 18:36

Wouldn’t even occur to me. Have an amazing dh and wonderful life- why would I throw that away, hurting him along the way?

glitterypink · 10/12/2018 16:11

Been there, done that and carry the guilt of it every day. I told my now exh about it.
I was and am in love with the other person and we are together now, but we hurt a lot of people along the way.
It's something I would never do again. Ever.
Yes the secrecy was exciting, but when reality hits it's awful, and not something I would ever suggest anyone did. I should have ended my marriage years before this happened.
We hurt a lot of people.

cuirderussie · 29/12/2018 14:40

I just don't LIKE other men enough! It's nice to have someone be a bit twinkly and flirty occasionally so I don't feel completely past it, but I couldn't be arsed with the thought of doing anything with anyone, not even a kiss, even if I got away with it. Besides my lovely DH would be so hurt and my marriage might be over, and my kids would suffer, it just seems like the most pointless thing ever.

Interesting question though, is it really morality or pragmatism that keeps many women from affairs? I suspect a bit of both..Smile

greendale17 · 31/12/2018 23:14

Because I don't want one. I love my husband and I would never want to hurt him. It helps that he's gorgeous and satisfies me sexually so I've got no reason to look elsewhere.

^This

RhubarbTea · 02/01/2019 01:09

Because I'm a shit liar and would find the secrecy really stressfull.

Because I couldn't put a partner (I'm single at the mo) or the OMs family through hell without hating myself.

Because sex is fun but isn't as important as other things, like being able to face yourself, sleep at night etc etc.

Because it's just same shit, different partner at the end of it all, so what's the point in swapping the person? We are conditioned to get bored and then go looking for new shiny people but that doesn't mean we need to follow our nethers blindly about.

flintfoxy · 03/01/2019 21:25

At the moment lack of opportunity - if I could do it and get away with it I would. I love my DP but I crave something away from motherhood and domesticity to make me feel alive. I've recently had a flirtation which has lifted my libido to a place I've not been in for years - trouble is DH isn't interested either. If the flirtation was practical I'd go for it but I'm also not sure I can indulge in NSA sex. Life is complicated and it's hard.

desperatehousewife21 · 04/01/2019 13:23

Same as the posters who just can’t be arsed! I don’t really find any ‘normal’ everyday men in the real world attractive. I always think yeah they might be kind of attractive but they still fart/ leave dirty washing on the floor/ have annoying habits. That’s not worth an affair at all.
Me and DH have been together 10 years and I love him we are really compatible in every way and he’d be SO hurt if I cheated.

However, if Tom Hardy wants to knock on my door.....Wink

MissTeBe · 04/01/2019 17:33

Because relationships are built on trust and respect

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.