Single thing you wish you'd known about your sexuality years ago

[annandale]

I'm considering a trip to a sex club just to find out how other people have sex, I'm so sure that i know virtually nothing about a good sex life. I don't think I will ever have the courage though. So as the next best thing, what thing turned your sex life around/improved things most?

I'll nominate my Tracey Cox bullet, which was much better than others I tried and finally allowed me to have an orgasm in a different position from the only one I knew how to use.

I'll also say something obvious no doubt to others - a lot of people having shit sex are not spending long enough. Try doubling the amount of time you spend doing x and see if it gets better.

Two actually - that you are in charge of your pleasure and shouldn't be afraid to say what you like, and that a generous partner will listen and spend time making you happy.

That you have one body, and shouldn't be ashamed of it. And a partner shouldn't make you feel ashamed of it either.

Clubs are great for watching or joining in if you fancy, but tbh, you learn the truth of your sexuality through relationships.
Carry on exploring yourself, and with loving partners.
My advice would be to come back to the club idea later.

That I am actually bisexual. I have never slept with a woman and really wish I had.

I wish I'd had sex with a woman.

Fewer men, more women.

(Hey, CauliflowerBalti , SkaPunkPrincess , where are you? )

I have fallen in love with a woman. She is committed elsewhere but I have a whole new world open to me

That you get hornier and hornier as you get older (mid-30s now).

The pleasures of being in a committed relationship get stronger, but so does the urge to f* anything that moves.

Everything that bungled said

I wish I'd had the courage to ask for what I like. I used to be far too much of a 'nice girl' to say something like: 'I want you to put your finger up my bum'.

Another here that wishes I'd slept with a woman.

I agree Bungled ,I’m lucky that I have spent most of my 30’s single and have had a lot of fun exploring, I’m now much more confident and I know what I like and don’t like.

Realised that I didn't have to pathologise things I don't like or don't feel. Eg, I never liked touching myself down below with my fingers, but OK using an object to stimulate myself. For a while I worried that I had to get over the not touching, but realised I didn't have to if I didn't like it. Never fantasised sexually, despite everyone saying how important that is and despite being otherwise an imaginative person, but let go of worrying about that and realised the best thing was to concentrate on physical sensations in the moment rather than try to force a fantasy.