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Original poster

MY FIANCE IS RUINING OUR SEX LIFE WITH HIS BULLYING WAYS

60 replies

Sarajandb · 21/11/2017 09:49

My fiance and i have been together for over 3 years live together. Hes constantly moaning about our sex life. Blowjob mainly how he doesn't get enough i don't like them never have he knows this but i do them occasionally but he makes deals not that i agree to them - massage for a blow job' then out of the blue he will offer a massage then hold me to a blow job and moan and moan about it. I have endometriosis so sometime sex drive is 0 or in pain and can't but he drops comments like sexless relationship i have to beg you for sex. Despite two days ago we had sex on the sofa instigated by me. He moans i don't ride him often buts that's because of my illness it hurts to do so most of the time. he imply he only gets sex when he showers me with gifts despite the fact he simply spoiled me recently to make up for the fact he smashed my car up !And says he only gets what he wants when i'm really drunk.Comments like oh so you want to kick me out because you cant keep you man satisfied. Hes turned our sex life into a chore i don't want it because hes like this the more he goes on the more he puts me off and makes me feel like i'm not good enough in bed and I've told him this but nothing changes how can i get him to understand..

OP posts:
Uptheduffy · 21/11/2017 09:50

You can’t. LTB.

Apileofballyhoo · 21/11/2017 09:51

Don't marry someone who isn't even nice to you. He sounds terrible.

wowbutter · 21/11/2017 09:52

He won't get better.
He will get worse.

Hellomaryimback · 21/11/2017 09:52

Jesus don't marry this asshole.

He manipulates you in to doing a sexual act that you do not want to do

Wake up and get rid

Justbookedasummmerholiday · 21/11/2017 09:53

Sounds like he treats you more like a pay per hour girl than a fiancée. You deserve so much more.

Greebz · 21/11/2017 09:55

Please leave him, he is abusive.
He smashed up your car
He "only gets what he wants" when you're drunk
He pressures you into having sex in a position which causes you pain. None of this is normal or acceptable behaviour and the sooner you leave, the better.

PeachyCandle · 21/11/2017 09:56

Does he not care at all about the fact that sometimes sex is painful for you?

He sounds utterly selfish, uncaring and unpleasant. What are you getting out of this relationship?

ItMustBeBedtimeSurely · 21/11/2017 09:56

Don't marry him! It will get worse, not better and you will HATE him, if you don't already.

Is this how you want to live your life?

RagingFemininist · 21/11/2017 09:58

He is awful and you have been together only three years, not married yet.
I would expect things to get worse with time.

Why do you think it’s ok for him to talk to you in this way, tell lies, put you down and generally impose his wishes on you rather than respecting yours??
The lack of respect of your boundaries is Shock and isn’t going to get better tbh.

ijustwannadance · 21/11/2017 09:59

Imagine how much worse he would be if you had a baby.

Sounds like the type who would cheat and blame you due to lack of sex.

Get rid now. He is an arsehole.

Lindy2 · 21/11/2017 10:01

You're not happy in this relationship - I wouldn't be either.
It doesn't sound like it is the basis of a good marriage. Find someone else who you can be happy with.

clumsyduck · 21/11/2017 10:02

Run for the hills seriously while you have no ties to him !

BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2017 10:03

Trying to force, emotionally manipulate or bribe you to perform a sexual act against your will is, at the very least, highly abusive.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if this escalated.

Get out of this relationship. He is a vile, abusive sexual bully who neither loves nor respects you.

HateSummer · 21/11/2017 10:05

You are not a sex toy. Get some self respect and leave this disgusting specimen of a human being. You don’t have any children, leave now and don’t look back. This isn’t a normal relationship or a normal human being, let alone man. ✋️

Fromage · 21/11/2017 10:07

This is what you want for the rest of your life?

He will NEVER change - apart from getting worse.

A real man would understand and not want to pain or bully his partner.

As for not keeping your man satisfied - in what way is he satisfying you?

Please get out.

Fromage · 21/11/2017 10:08

And the car, yours, that he smashed up - are you now without a car? Do you have to ask him for lifts, or to borrow his?

Ohyesiam · 21/11/2017 10:08

You'll never make him understand, he sound like a Neanderthal.

It will get worse not better. Please don't marry him.

Leave him and look out for men who you can have a conversation with and feel heard, who are aware of other peoples feelings, who speak about people respectfully and know that their needs are not more important than anyone else's. There are plenty of then about.

You have a health problem that caused you pain to have sex in certain positions, yet he wants you to do that. What part of that is ok?
Op you deserve so much better than this.

ShotsFired · 21/11/2017 10:09

@Sarajandb read this back as if someone else had posted it.

What would you say?

It's horrible, and I feel so sad you are in such a nasty relationship. Please don't go ahead with a wedding.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 21/11/2017 10:10

He is a very loving person and very attentive . everything he does is for me (we do have 3 children my two to previous and his one to previous ) Hes a very soppy person always wants cuddles and loving which is cute in some ways but i'm not that soppy and he cant get his head round it he thinks i'm cold and heartless i find it suffocating sometimes. Sex isn't about him when we have it he always makes sure i'm satisfied and he does understand about the endometriosis so doesn't ask me to get on top but he moans about it sometimes but the main issue is the apparent 'lack' of sex and the blowjob. The more he goes on about it the more he puts me off them. Hes not abusive or bullying in any other way. He is in general a very caring person i don't think he understands what hes doing despite me telling him its just not sinking in.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2017 10:13

Hes not abusive or bullying in any other way.

Oh that's good then? Hes only an abusive bully in one, deeply unpleasant and sinister way!!

He does understand what he's doing. He just doesn't care. He wants sex more (at any price) than he cares about upsetting you.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 21/11/2017 10:13

Fromage - no the insurance paid out and the car was replaced. Our relationship was perfect before the accident never any sexual issues he never moaned but after the accident i couldn't forgive him it caused problems stress financial issues which caused stress and lack of interest in sex. We split not so long back for a while as i couldn't cope with the financial predicament he got us in but he has pulled his finger out and did literally everything in his power to win me back. But hes been back now long and i just think well why are you been like this..

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarajandb · 21/11/2017 10:34

There is a lot more to things than meets the eye. We are both battling depression and have both had a very traumatic year. We were trying for a baby for a year but we discovered i may not be able to have a child he got tested all fine but i new due to my illness it would be me that caused problems i had the coil put back in to save further heart ache but i had a bad reaction to and its caused a lot of pain, hormonal issues and bleeding issues it i'm due to have it out this week which should relive some of the problems with my lack of sex drive. I can understand his frustration to a degree but the way hes going about it makes me want to punch his face in and i know he genuinely doesn't see the wrong in the things hes saying he just doesn't think.
Hes coming with me to the appointment and taking the kids to school etc for me he is very caring and attentive. I think our problems run deeper than the way hes been speaking i think hes just venting his frustrations granted in the wrong way and its making things worse but this runs deeper than just a sexual issue. I never used to have a sexual issue it frustrates me too as i used to be very adventurous and playful and i feel like a sack of potato's and that hurts me too as i know it cant be nice for him its not nice for me i feel restricted in what i can do now. Which is why we wanted a baby now as i wanted to push them for a hysterectomy after as my illness would then disappear along with my restrictions. I have two boys and he is the perfect father couldn't ask for better for his daughter (who we have 50/50 ) or the way he looks after my boys everything he does if for his family please dont think i'm in an abusive relationship.

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 21/11/2017 10:42

Moaning about blowjobs and making you feel bad.. does he realise what a turn off that is? Have you told him? I wouldn’t put up with it, but it’s your choice.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 21/11/2017 10:48

MajesticWhine - i'm sick of telling him what a turn off it is it doesn't doesn't sink in

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/11/2017 10:50

Oh for goodness sakes OP of course he understands what you're saying. He doesn't care enough to stop!

No amounts of lift giving and school runs changes that!

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