How???? Without looking/being ridiculous?

[BitchfaceBarclay]

Off for a weekend with the H. Been together 20+ years. Grown up DCs. Very infrequent sex.
I'm a slightly drunken moment I did some shopping on LoveHoney.

How the bloody hell do I put my purchases into use without looking/feeling/being ridiculous and without making him run away screaming?

Just how?

And my bloody name change didn't work. Fabulous.

Toys or outfits?

Oh dear...are we talking undies, or something more adventurous?

Both

I also have a bit of a disk issue and have taken some serious painkillers. Anything could happen. But very slowly.

Talk to him and discuss fantasies?

Disc? Disk? Back thingy.

Enjoy!

Oh god we don't talk. Except to say 'pour me a glass dear'. Or 'did you put those jeans in the wash with the tissue in the pocket'.

Also. Those crotchless bodysuits aren't really made for a 43 year old fat person are they?

Oh god what have I done?

Talk. To. Him. Nothing sexier than talking about what you'd like to do with each other. Tell him why you bought what you did and why it turns you on.

Give him the toys in a gift bag, "I've bought you a present dear" then whip your normal clothes off to reveal your sexy knickers and watch him momentarily panic before shagging you senseless

You're welcome

What did you buy? I mean there are toys, then there are toys

And age is nothing to do with it. I'm older than you (slightly)

What on earth did you buy?!

Umm
Part of me thinks you go girl but the other part thinks...you don't have good communication, your sex life is infrequent, is toys and out there lingerie the way to go?
It sounds to me like you need to reconnect on an intimate level emotionally as well as physically. Toys and bodysuits won't achieve that.

NoCapes. I like your plan. Except back issue means a slow peeling rather than tearing off the clothes.

I'm going to need to get very drunk. But good drugs mean I can't drink.

Slight x post! Crotchless bodysuit? Wear it underneath something boring and surprise him

Send him a link to purchases. Look what I bought for our trip darling!

Is infrequent sex due to lack of opportunity or a decreasing libido?

If it was me I'd probably go for heading back to the hotel room to shower and then sending an inappropriate text which would hopefully fill him with anticipation and avoid the awkward 'ta daaaaa' type moment you can end up with otherwise. But if the infrequent sex is to do with some kind of issue with your DH maybe you don't want to give him a heads up in case he comes up with an excuse / bottles it somehow.

Good for you though! I hope I'm still shopping for sex toys and outfits in 20 years (although this week has been a tough week with the DC, I'm just hoping we get time and energy for any kind of regular sex some time soon!)

Oh he'll be surprised.

I suppose if it goes tits up I can blame the drugs.

Well I think you need to broach it with him beforehand rather than just whipping unexpected items out when he least expects it You either need to speak to him face to face or text him and give him an idea what you're planning for your weekend away. It could be quite sexy, a slightly drunken late night chat about your ideas and fantasies or a prolonged sexting build up to your weekend. Have a lovely weekend!

Watching with interest..I'm fed up with sex.24 yrs with same willy...I need to do something different....or someone different.

Sorry, massive cross post (got interrupted while typing!).

Crotchless body suits (a) are flattering on most people (at a point where I was a size 22, pregnant and with body issues the confidence wearing one gave me was a massive surprise) and (b) are great under other clothes.

I will warn him in advance. Titilation.

Let us know how you go..