How do you feel about DP having a wank?

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

We have a toddler and a baby.

We have a fairly decent sex life considering we have small kids but recently we went through a rough patch of disliking eachother a bit which lasted a couple of weeks. We got on fine but weren't couple-y.

Anyway recently I found out he had masturbated in the bathroom before work. I felt upset but I think mostly because I was not myself where we were going through a bad patch.

I know everyone needs to release and I've done it myself in the past.

So although I wouldn't row with him about it I know that it still bothers me and sometimes if we haven't dtd in a few days I can't help but wake up when he does for work and feel paranoid if he is doing it again or not. I have talked to him about it but I still feel the same.

I think I just need to get over it because he is human and I completely understand the need for release but I am curious about how everyone else feels about their partner wanking?

For what it's worth I am feeling all kinds of insecurities since having DC2 so I'm fighting my own demons on that and I guess the bathroom event has played into that.

His body his choice. The only time I'd potentially be annoyed is if DP decided to do it just before we were planning to have sex.

Hang on. Did he leave a spermy mess? That's not ok.

I couldn't care less if dp wanks twice a day if that makes him happy. Not sure why you care?

Surely you relieve yourself? Do you tell him every time?
How bizarre

His body his choice. Nothing wrong with it.

Yes, you need to get over it

You say you have done it yourself so you sound like a hypocrite

Couldn't care less as long as he tidies away the tissues.

I know my husband frequently has a wank.. It's completely normal and I'm sure 99% of men do. It doesn't bother me. It's his body at the end of the day and totally a healthy thing to do.

And you thought it was a toothpaste stain in the basin.....!

I honestly do not care in the slightest. I know he does it sometimes but he doesn't tell me when, and I don't feel like I need to know. I do it myself often enough, and don't tell him, because it's none of his business.
Having sex and masturbating are 2 very different things.

Yes you are all right and I knew deep down myself that it's nothing really, hence I said I would never row about it. But like I said, I guess insecurities are getting the better of me.

I literally couldn't care less and can't get my head around anyone being upset/jealous/annoyed about it to be honest. I find it pretty weird.

What is it that's making you feel insecure OP?

I've also felt guilty when I've done it... and when these conversations have come up amongst friends it seems it has affected people that have discovered the same.

I have no idea if it's a young view on it as like I said my friends are the same. We are early-mid 20s.

I thought it was potentially dangerous for a man to go too long without 'unloading' his testicles? Or at least it keeps things flowing and healthy! Very normal there are obviously other problems here you need to discuss.

Do you never wank?

God I love a wank. It's so much less hassle and my time to be totally sexually selfish.

Equally I don't care if DP wanks. He prefers sex or blow jobs but wanking is a lot quicker. Sometimes I prefer it if I'm not in the mood and can't be fucked with the hassle of getting him off and sometimes it's a bit of a turn on to watch anyway.

Yes you might have been there but he probably just wanted a quick release and then done with

Just accepting the changes in my body I guess and DP is not the complimenting type which he admits so it's a battle I have to fight myself. So sometimes I feel I don't let go as much as I'd like during sex and then my paranoid mind tells me that he would rather wank because I sometimes come across prudish although he hasn't expressed this.

It is annoying because my heart and libido is totally into it but my head is not. I have discussed this many times with him but yea he is useless at this type of thing.

I have accepted this is definitely down to me.

Have you told him your confidence is low and you might need more reassurance?

Whoneeds- what teenage boy told you that in an attempt to get you to have sex? it's utter bollocks, pardon the pun. If a man doesn't ejaculate the sperm are simply reabsorbed. It's certainly not harmful.

Back to o/p i don't care when and how do wanks. His business. I prefer it if he tells me if he wanks before sex as we use condoms so i need to know if there might me any sperm lurking during foreplay.

I couldn't care less and mine wanks a lot as he's got a higher sex drive than me. Sometimes I help out, sometimes not!

I think if he was doing it and not interested in you there would be a problem, other than that let him crack on!

Yes many times and each time I do he is complimenting at that time but then that's it. I get more attention of other men and I feel this boosts me more than my own partner but maybe I am expecting too much from him. My ex made me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet (the only good thing i've taken from that relationship!) so I guess I feel he finds me less attractive than my ex. My ex also wasn't in very good shape whereas DP is so that comes into it too I guess but I would say above all it is the lack of feeling desired by DP IYSWIM. But yea, maybe I have to battle my hang ups on my own. It is hard though.

I think I am just putting it all together which makes me see something so harmless as more than it is. And I KNOW this! I think I needed a firm word from others and the responses have really helped me to see it as what it is and nothing more.

This is a really weird thing to be hung up on sorry, jeez it's really none of your business and when you get to the stage you try to control this, then I'm sorry but you need to seek some help. 😱😱😱