How do you feel about DP having a wank?

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

We have a toddler and a baby.

We have a fairly decent sex life considering we have small kids but recently we went through a rough patch of disliking eachother a bit which lasted a couple of weeks. We got on fine but weren't couple-y.

Anyway recently I found out he had masturbated in the bathroom before work. I felt upset but I think mostly because I was not myself where we were going through a bad patch.

I know everyone needs to release and I've done it myself in the past.

So although I wouldn't row with him about it I know that it still bothers me and sometimes if we haven't dtd in a few days I can't help but wake up when he does for work and feel paranoid if he is doing it again or not. I have talked to him about it but I still feel the same.

I think I just need to get over it because he is human and I completely understand the need for release but I am curious about how everyone else feels about their partner wanking?

For what it's worth I am feeling all kinds of insecurities since having DC2 so I'm fighting my own demons on that and I guess the bathroom event has played into that.

No I don't think that he doesnt find you attractive - some people just arent complimentary types. I'm not, really. I'm more of a it goes without saying type.

I think your confidence is doing a number on you. Personally when i feel that way i take on challenges that are a bit out of my comfort zone - like work out goals - because achieving them gives me a massive boost of confidence.

fauch yes thatar's true and something I have started so hoping this helps me on the long run.

And just to make it clear I know I shouldn't feel this way and it is not somethijg I want to control, just something I want to not be bothered about. Which this post has certainly helped with so thanks all.

Don't care about it at all. OH has a wank most nights to help him fall asleep, good for him. I certainly wouldn't want him hinting at sex every night so quite happy for him to take care of himself.

God, how bizarre. My DP bought be a vibrator that I use regularly. I often text him and tell him about it when I've had a wank. I think I wank more thanks he does actually...

Meh, let him crack on (or off!). Wouldn't bother me at all, it's a normal thing to do.

I get you OP! I'm ridiculous too, and have a much higher sex drive than Dh. So when I discover him having a wank I get pissed off as I'd have rather had a quickie. Completely and utterly unreasonable but my brain is mush so I just laugh it off and hurt inside. Quietly. Like a loser

Glad I'm not alone monkeyface !

It's a good idea for guys to have a regular wank so they can check out their cum for odor, lumps, colour etc just a health check really plus checking the balls while they're their. Just consider it self maintenance.

Wanking is a normal natural way relieve the sexual urges when sex might not be possible.
I don't think there is any need to get upset with your OH providing that it is not constantly "instead of" being intimate together.
We often chat about whether either of us has "played" I find it quite a turn on when we discuss it.
It sounds to me as though you need to talk and work through the anxiety and doubt you seem to have about your beauty and your perception of your OH's attraction to you.
My OH took about 14mth after our DS was born before she felt sexy again. I felt she was beautiful and was attrached to her all along. Keep talking together you'll get back to yourself in time.

I don't think it's a young thing at all, we're also early-mid twenties and still don't care. I don't know anyone who cares that much about wanking.

it's just a way to scratch an itch. I think for a lot of men it's a mundane, quick act. Nothing to get too offended over.

Just a man's view on this thread - not sure if any other male PP.

I have a really, really good sex life. I mean loads of great sex, with a beautiful, fantastic DP....

.... and I still have a wank when I can... I mean I think I actually do it more than I have for years... it's some strange thing where more sex just means I'm helluva horny all the time so if I can get relief I do.

When I have been in an unhappy relationship and feeling unloved and not loving, it's then I wank less.

So what I'm trying to say is it sounds to me not a bad sign, he isn't that unhappy that he can't do it, and that's something to work with. It's a lot to work with :)

Thank you saleorbouy and yadayada.

I guess it doesn't help because I have friends who have been very upset when their partners have had a wank but I know pornography was used so perhaps it's a different situation there. But yes it is a completely normal thing for everyone to do and I am thankful for the posts that also put this in a different perspective.

I agree with most above and you seem able to talk about it, and DP is not alone in not being so good at being open so IMHO you are on your way.
Masterbation is normal and no harm to your relationship, so long as it is only part of it, I'm not sure why it is so "embarassing" but get that it is
Try to keep chatting with him about it and encourage

Ah your posts are really touching, op (no pun intended). You have made me think because it doesn't come naturally to me to compliment dh and I think I am going to make a concerted effort to tell him how hot he is. Have a gentle chat with him about your general insecurity post-baby and remind yourself that if he's had a wank in the morning he'll have more stamina for you after baby's in bed

You said in an earlier post you felt guilty after masturbating.

Why do you feel guilty after masturbating?

isuppose awesome pun nevertheless!

noego I don't really know. Because I've done it while he has been in the other room I suppose... We weren't getting on.

Thanks for all recent responses all.

You do seem to have a rather unnatural reaction to madturbating, guilt, wrong, whatever, is there something that caused this?

I'm not quite sure tbh. I think where I have developed insecurities and then felt a little wounded about DP wanking I feel guilty because he could possibly be upset/insecure when I have done it so it is kept a secret I guess. I know now that this is something I should openly discuss with DP. Perhaps my thread should have been about views on wanking and my feelings about it in its entirety rather than just aimed at my feelings towards DP doing it.

Poor DH is lucky he gets sex once a week at the moment as we have a 17 month old sleep, I work part time and we're renovating a house...as far as I'm concerned if him having means he's satisfied and I get sleep we're all happy

Do you wank when you're getting on OP?

booble It's hard to think back because I haven't in a while where I am constantly preoccupied with young DCs. When I think back yes I have. Especially when I started maternity leave with my first as libido went through the roof and DP was a bit iffy about having sex towards the end of my pregnancy. I do remember feeling guilty as well and I can't place when that started.. I must add though that he has never given me the impression that I should feel guilty!

Now I think about it I rememeber discovering that DP had watched porn, it was a blowjob video and it actually made me think "right, i'll show him a good blowjob!" so perhaps I have changed because I am accepting the changes and struggles of maintaining a relationship whilst having kids and accepting my body changes since having kids.

Thanks for that question booble. It got me thinking!

OP, I think that you may be putting too much emphasis on emotions and wanking. For me and for DH, a wank is purely a physical release which has no bearing on how atractive we find each other. For many people a wank is at times easier and quicker than the effort of having to get naked and have sex. The way I see it is that wanking is like scratching an itch, sex is about the connection with DH. There is nothing like good sex, but sometimes a quickie by yourself is easier to get the job done - the equivalent of having a 3 course meal vs having a drive thru burger.
I think the porn thing makes it difficult. Men get off on what they can see, whereas women's libidos are usually ingrained in their thoughts and emotions.

Perhaps it's worth talking to your DP and trying to unravel how you both feel about wanking and how you both show your appreciation of each other.

mungo thank you for your wise words which too have helped me look at this differently.

A chat with DP is in order once the kids are in bed and the time is right!