Sex not the same since colposcopy and dp always wants sex

[Flippinlife72]

I had an abnormal smear a few months ago, I had a colposcopy which included a biopsy which hurt for a few days and I was allowed to have sex for at least 2 weeks , but I haven't really felt the same about sex since for some reason, but dp although understanding to a point was saying , he's a red blooded male and he needed sex or something, i.e. A blow job or hand job, but I just haven't felt sexual he doesn't understand I just don't feel like doing that, and it's kind of putting me off more would it you? His advances are just making it worse.

Now I have a letter to say they have found abnormal cells and I need treatment, then it will be 4 to 6 weeks before any action. I'm dreading it. He said he will be understanding and there's always other things that we can do but oh I don't know is it me being selfish or him? He says I should want to 😞

Apologies if this is not the case but he doesn't sound supportive? It's totally understandable that you are not feeling particularly sexual at the moment . He should be looking after you!

Good grief! He needs to wank. What a selfish person. He sees you as a sexual appliance.

I can't blame you for this. I had it. Found it stang for quite awhile. Then stang if I got excited. Put me off for a bit. And once you have the cells removed it will be similar.

Be honest. Tell him your worried and if your the same as me, it hurts. It's not nice having it messed around with down there!

OP the first thing that sprung to mind was to kick him really hard in the nuts and then ask him if he fancies a bit of nookie what a selfish arse. You're in the middle of a health scare and he's pestering you for sex?! Tell him no in no uncertain terms and take it from there. and hoping all goes well with your treatment

You must be feeling frazzled and anxious - of course sex isn't going to be foremost in your mind. But he doesn't seem to care whether you're up for it or not, does he? You "should want to" - FFS. Does he have no empathy or imagination whatsoever? No, you're not being selfish. Yes, he's being incredibly, unforgiveably selfish.

So it's not me being selfish??! U know when u start doubting yourself. He was supportive during the procedure and looking after me for a couple of days it was a week or just over a week he started wanting me to do things to him and when I said I really didn't feel like it, he started going on about how he'd do anything for me and he's just asking for this one thing and he can't sleep cos of it! I did in the end so he would shut up but I'm dreading now in January

he's a red blooded male and he needed sex or something, i.e. A blow job or hand job

I'm a red blooded male, I have self control and intelligence enough to know if my partner is Ill that her needs come before the "needs" of my shrivelled little penis.
Tell him to go pull his plonker in the toilet, pathetic manchild needs to grow up and put you first.

You are absolutely not being selfish. Reading your last post he is being horrifically mean to you. Have you been together long?

' He was supportive during the procedure and looking after me for a couple of days it was a week or just over a week he started wanting me to do things to him and when I said I really didn't feel like it, he started going on about how he'd do anything for me and he's just asking for this one thing and he can't sleep cos of it! '

Oh, BULLSHIT! Look at what his actions are showing you: he doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings. He'd do anything for you? Yeah, right, he can't even wank when he knows you're feeling scared and hurting. Sorry, but I'd dump a bloke like this.

He sounds like a selfish arse. Honestly I find smears, have had colposcopies and lasering done too, leave me with a sense of feeling a bit violated then there's the stress of results on top of it. I have no past abuse issues so I don't know why emotionally they leave me feeling like that for a time after. It goes eventually.However I have had supportive, caring partners. I'd tell yours to fuck off.

I hope everything goes well with your treatment and try not to worry too much about it, easier said than done I know

Oh queencrunch I'm glad u said that, yes it stings still sometimes, not badly but I feel it sometimes it's like a reminder what's going on down there. My dad is also dying of lung cancer so I'm incredibly stressed about that because he lives a 4 hour drive away. I just don't want sex and he's out me off even more, I might be more inclined if he was loving etc but when he gets that desperate, he just wants a quick one, but I don't. I just don't know what to do I felt like crying last time he went funny with me cos I wouldn't wank him off , I just did it so he would leave me alone but he doesn't realise he's putting me off completely. We've always had a pretty good sex life so I've never seen this side to him. It's actually really stressful

You are seeing what he's like when the chips are down.

when I said I really didn't feel like it, he started going on about how he'd do anything for me and he's just asking for this one thing and he can't sleep cos of it! I did in the end so he would shut up

This is BANG out of order OP. there are some that would label this as rape.
Let me tell you what I believe should happen in this situation,
HIM: "Fancy a bit?"
YOU: "I'm still sore and don't feel like it"
HIM: "No problem, I absolutely understand, how about we just cuddle for a bit and then get to sleep?"

anything other than that or a variation of that is coercive, emotionally abusive e and frankly, not the actions of a decent man or decent human being.

op you remind me of a previous poster whose partner also pestered her for sex and wouldn't accept no as an answer. Is that you by any chance?

He is sexually abusive and coercing you into sex you don't want. You are absolutely not in the wrong here, and you are giving in to him to avoid strops and sulks.

My last boyfriend was like this...you deserve more than this

Sounds like secure abuse TBH

Secure not secure!

I've had a colposcopy and lletz treatment for abnormal cells this year. It's a horrible thing to go through, and it's not surprising that you don't feel like having sex. Your dh is not being supportive in the slightest and right now he should be much more concerned about how you are feeling than his sex drive. I had a new partner when I was going through all of this and his only concern was whether I was okay, and not once did he suggest I should be doing things to him. I'm sorry your dh is being like that. I think you need to sit down with him and explain to him how you are feeling, and how his actions are making you feel. Waiting for the treatment is the worst because it's constantly in the back of your mind and you're in a kind of limbo. Hopefully once you've got that out of the way you'll be feeling better in yourself, but until then you're dh should be able to put his needs second to yours. I really hope the treatment goes as well as it possibly could for you

Sexual not secure

What a selfish arse! You've been through a medical procedure, so physically won't be feeling great, add to that the stress of having to back due to abnormal cells - all whilst your dads suffering with lung cancer... and all he's bothered about is getting his end away? Unbelievable.

You don't need this stress, you need some love and support. You're a human and his partner in life - not a hole. You are not responsible for his "needs".

You know , I thought to myself he's being selfish but then I just started thinking maybe I am . When I found out about the latest treatment I'll have to have, I was upset he was all concerned and hugging me and saying don't worry it will be fine I'll look after u, which he will but then I said but you'll just be hassling me for sex, he said no I won't there's always other things u can do! I immiediately thought oh no 🙈! Now I'm thinking why the hell am I putting up with that. I will just have to tell him! Thank god I asked u guys I would of let him make me feel like I'm being selfish of his needs. I've even thought lately what if he goes off with someone else cos of it. That's wrong isn't it!?

Any man who will go off with someone else because you're not wanking him off on demand is not worth keeping, op; what a selfish twunt he is.

Oh, and the red blooded male comment - he'd have been out the door via the end of my foot for such a ridiculous statement. He should count himself lucky he's not sleeping in the garden.

There are other things you can do?! So he doesn't care about whether you enjoy being intimate, you're just there to service his needs?

He's sounding worse and worse op. You deserve more than this.

Oh cwth thanks for posting you've been through it too, is it normal to go off sex then? I had sex yesterday morning, mainly because he needed it, it felt really stingy and I just couldn't get into it. He did ask if I was alright I said yeh but he could tell I wasn't really into it, that makes me feel guilty for some reason