Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sex

You need to have been registered for 7 days to post in the Sex forum. Please don’t send unwanted PMs to other users.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Sex not the same since colposcopy and dp always wants sex

70 replies

Flippinlife72 · 11/12/2016 18:37

I had an abnormal smear a few months ago, I had a colposcopy which included a biopsy which hurt for a few days and I was allowed to have sex for at least 2 weeks , but I haven't really felt the same about sex since for some reason, but dp although understanding to a point was saying , he's a red blooded male and he needed sex or something, i.e. A blow job or hand job, but I just haven't felt sexual he doesn't understand I just don't feel like doing that, and it's kind of putting me off more would it you? His advances are just making it worse.

Now I have a letter to say they have found abnormal cells and I need treatment, then it will be 4 to 6 weeks before any action. I'm dreading it. He said he will be understanding and there's always other things that we can do but oh I don't know is it me being selfish or him? He says I should want to 😞

OP posts:

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 08:15

I feel really cross with him now 😡

OP posts:

DoloresAbernathy · 12/12/2016 08:45

Have you been able to speak to him and explain? He needs to back off this is not a healthy way to treat you
Sorry you are going through this

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 09:24

I don't know how to approach it, I tried last night I said I feel a bit stingy , he was like oh do you ah poor you, I said I think the sex we had the other day made it slightly worse. He said ohh it sounds like your not properly healed. I'm sorry about that but you wanted it too didn't you . I said we'll sort of but I'm worried your going to keep hassling me for sex, 'no I won't babe' or wanting me to do other things?! 'Well would that be so bad ?' I said well yes if I don't feel like doing it, oh he said and it went quiet and we both went to sleep. He doesn't get that I don't want to do these sexual acts it's like it's my fault I can't give sex to him so I need to relieve him in other ways. I have said to him well what did u do when u were single ? Well what do u think he said. Well why can't u do that now? He said because he's not single and lying next to me every night 😏 I don't get it.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 12/12/2016 09:31

''Well would that be so bad ?' I said well yes if I don't feel like doing it, oh he said and it went quiet and we both went to sleep. He doesn't get that I don't want to do these sexual acts it's like it's my fault I can't give sex to him so I need to relieve him in other ways. I have said to him well what did u do when u were single ? Well what do u think he said. Well why can't u do that now? He said because he's not single and lying next to me every night 😏 I don't get it.' '

This is sexual abuse, plain and simple. Someone who pesters a person they know doesn't feel like it to perform a sex act on them is a sexual abuser. Start seeing it like this and it's easier to deal with.

YOU don't have to bring up anything. 'NO. I'm not a sex toy. '

MyWineTime · 12/12/2016 11:40

He said because he's not single and lying next to me every night
So it's your duty then. Because he is married to you he cannot possibly be expected to masturbate by himself - it is your job to satisfy him regardless of how you are feeling.
I don't know quite how you tackle that attitude. It is so entitled and he cannot even begin to understand that there are times when you really don't want to, that he will always take offence to your rejection of him. There are probably no circumstances that he can imagine when he would say no to sex.
Any hassling after you have said that you are not in the mood, is abusive.

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 12/12/2016 12:42

Basically OP he is a man and his needs and wants outweigh yours.

he does not give a shiny shit that you're ill and poorly.
he could not give a flying fuck that you're not in the mood.
He doesn't give a second thought to your feelings.
he is not concerned that your Dad is dying.

ALL of those things are secondary to him and his cock.
he values his cock over you, your family and your relationship.

The question is, are you going to put up with being thought less of than a few inches of skin and veins?

LotsoNumbers · 12/12/2016 12:52

"But you wanted it too"

I dont know how well the next bit will come out because its something that i struggle with in my own mind and my ex used to say it to me. He probably knew at the time you didn't really want to do it, but carried on regardless and now wants you to say you didn't mind.

Enthusiastic participation should be the only way you have sex really...not just giving in and letting him get on with it

AnyFucker · 12/12/2016 12:52

Op, please be reminded there is no such thing as "conjugal rights"

And I am loving the replies from PinkiePieCupcakes, even more from a bloke with a name like that

LotsoNumbers · 12/12/2016 12:55

You do not need a reason why you don't want to "sort him out" either...these men will make you feel like you need to justify why you don't want to wank them off. You don't.

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 13:04

Well I'm not doing it anymore, that's it, and I've told him to sort himself out otherwise its separate beds!!!!

OP posts:

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 12/12/2016 13:26

from PinkiePieCupcakes, even more from a bloke with a name like that

Well Done OP. Stick to your guns.
If you want to get sex back on track after everything is sorted then he should be happy to wait and the more he supports and cares, the quicker life should get back to normal.

TheGrandTourOfMyArse · 12/12/2016 14:37

I'm glad you've said that him op. I haven't really got anything else to add that hasn't already been said.

I did have a cervical cancer scare a few years ago though. After colposcopy and lletz treatment they found that some of the cells were actually cancerous, not just those cin or precancerous ones. I had to have an MRI scan to make sure there was nothing else hiding and then a cone biopsy under a general anaesthetic 3 months later (the consultant said that they had to wait until the site had properly healed and all the swelling had gone before they could operate again). Afterwards I was sore and had a fair bit of darkish discharge, a bit like the stuff you get at the end of a period and I think it took about 2 weeks before the stitches dissolved and came out. As I recall, the more physically active I was, the heavier the discharge and the more I felt those crampy pains. It took about 6 weeks for our all to feel normal again. I was told to avoid sex and tampons for about that length of time to avoid or reduce the risk of infection. I'm telling you this just so you have a bit of an idea of want to expect physically but feel free to ignore me if it's not relevant.

PS, in that time and in the months following the births of both our dc, I couldn't and didn't want to have sex. Dh didn't pester or coerce. At all. and Neither should your h do so with you. You're not there as a wank toy. Stay strong

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 15:24

Thank u for that thegrandtourofmyarse, it does help to know what to expect, glad u were all sorted xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 15:28

Omg he's just sent me a text saying he's so sorry he's been so selfish and he will stop immediately, how much he loves me etc. He's sent me about 3 e cards saying how much I mean to him etc. Maybe he needed me to point it out ! Shame I had to but maybe he realises ....phew !

OP posts:

TinklyLittleLaugh · 12/12/2016 15:46

I hope it works out for you OP.

My best friend confided in me about her husband putting pressure on her after a similar procedure: she'd been told not to have sex because of risk of infection but he guilted her into it. he has massively gone down in my estimation.

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 12/12/2016 16:11

Good news OP.
Lets hope he has realised and he doesn't revert back to the pressure and coercion.

Also I'd just like to wish you well with everything in your life OP.
things are hard now, but fingers crossed it'll be brighter before long.

Original poster

Flippinlife72 · 12/12/2016 16:25

Thank u pinkiepies

OP posts:

Stormtreader · 12/12/2016 16:47

This reminds me of that joke where the young college student goes up to the teacher and says "Oh I really need an A for this assignment, I'd do anything for an A" wink wink, and the teacher replies in a sultry voice "Really, anything? Would you......study?"

If he really means that he'd do anything for you, then that thing is "backing off and sorting himself out until you actually want to fool around again".

SarcasmMode · 12/12/2016 17:35

Not being selfish at all.

Nearly laughed at doing other things - as if that's the most important thing on your mind now!

Tell him to milk the cow himself.

I can relate as even 10 months later after a bad harm merge with DD2 my cervix is very sore so any sharp movements hurt.

Hope the treatment goes well.

LotsoNumbers · 12/12/2016 22:47

I don't want to piss on your chips but just keep an eye on him backsliding into this behaviour when he thinks he'll get away with it. He may not do though!

Good luck with your procedure

Flip

1 2 3

This topic prevents users from posting on it until they have been members for at least 7 days.