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Original poster

Am I being too needy?

63 replies

privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 08:01

First time posting in this section Blush

Been seeing my fella for 7 months.

Got to spend a few nights with him this week and we had sex the first two nights. It wasn't great as I didn't climax at all. The final two nights we didn't have sex even though last night I made it clear I was up for it.

I'm left feeling frustrated, rejected and generally fed up. I hate feeling like this as in my last LT relationship I felt like this all the time (ex used to withhold sex). I'm not a sex fiend by any stretch of the imagination but I do think that after only 7 months I shouldn't be feeling like this.

Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 28/04/2016 08:05

No, was he being selfish or was there another reason you didn't finish?

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 08:10

Admittedly on the first two nights we'd had had a few drinks (hadn't seen each other in in a while and got over excited down the pub) and I always take a long time to climax when I've had a drink. But it was like he couldn't be bothered to try as it would've been too much work.

Also he works really long hours and has his child every weekend so he's always tired

OP posts:
Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 08:39

Maybe I attach too much emotion to sex. It could be that he was just too tired or it could be that he just couldn't be bothered. Maybe he doesn't fancy me anymore. My mind is going around in circles. I realise I should just talk to him about it but I find it hard to talk about sex (when I tried to talk about it with my ex he would make me feel stupid and wrong for wanting to talk about it)

Am I being unreasonable in feeling annoyed he doesn't even try to make me climax when I've had a drink? Sometimes he doesn't really bother even when I haven't had a drink.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 28/04/2016 09:20

Sometimes he doesn't really bother even when I haven't had a drink.

So he doesn't bother very often at all?

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 09:29

It's happened once or twice. Usually he falls asleep straight after. Sometimes I climax through penetrative sex but not always and if I don't then I'm left feeling frustrated

OP posts:
suzannecaravaggio · 28/04/2016 09:33

This is the honeymoon period of your relationship, already it sounds as if he views his pleasure as the main point of sex whilst yours is just incidental

If I were you I think I might stop bothering with sex, if there's not much in it for you why would your go to the trouble😞

Find a partner for whom sex is about mutual pleasure😍

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:35

That's what I was thinking...

OP posts:
suzannecaravaggio · 28/04/2016 10:43

If you already have the higher libido in this relationship then it may just be that you're not compatible on that front?

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:46

If someone wasnt bothered about trying to help me orgasm i wouldnt be bothered about trying to help them orgasm. I would have stopped the sex when it became apparent he wasnt bothered.

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:46

That's also what I'm thinking. I know he's shattered all the time though so I don't know if I'm being unfair. Not sure I can live like this though!

OP posts:
BirthdayBetty · 28/04/2016 10:47

He sounds selfish, gets his rocks off and then goes to sleep.

MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:49

Hes not so shattered he cant have sex for his own orgasm though is he?

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:50

Yes Martha I agree in principle but it's difficult because sometimes I orgasm through penetrative sex so I just sort of live in hope that that will happen. But it's become so that if I haven't climaxed first, or through sex itself, I don't at all. Well, occasionally he will afterwards but increasingly not.

I'm of the way of honking I should climax every time. Is that being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:52

X post

And that should read thinking, not honking haha

The last two nights he didn't want sex at all, and I think it's cos he's too tired. But the n maybe it's because he doesn't fancy me anymore

OP posts:
MarthaCliffYouCunt · 28/04/2016 10:52

Does he climax every time?

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:53

And yes I am recently thinking he is selfish in bed. That I'm a safe bet, we're together property, and so he doesn't have to bother anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:53

Yes he does

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/04/2016 10:54

You're thinking isn't wrong.

His is, but it also seems he's not really that invested in this. He's all about his own pleasure, and he turned down sex for two nights, when you hadn't seen each other in a while and he was about to leave.

I think this might be a relationship of convenience rather than love, and it doesn't seem that convenient for you.

BirthdayBetty · 28/04/2016 10:57

In answer to your question, no I don't think you are being needy.

suzannecaravaggio · 28/04/2016 10:57

Imagine this
when you have sex with him you climax after say ten minutes and (despite the fact that hes not nearly there yet) then you end the session, you lose all interest in any sexual activity roll over and go to sleep

Summerlovinf · 28/04/2016 10:59

Doesn't he find your enjoyment and orgasm a turn-on? If not, I'd find a man who does.

Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 10:59

Night before last he fell aasleep whilst watching a film. Fine.

Last night I didn't specifically say I was up for it but it was obvious from my actions (ahem) that I was up for it. He fell asleep while we were kissing in bed.

I could see him to tonight but I don't think I'll bother

OP posts:
Original poster
privateandconfidential · 28/04/2016 11:01

He does sometimes try and hold back when we're having sex so that I can climax but he doesn't seem able

OP posts:
Summerlovinf · 28/04/2016 11:02

I think it's ok for anyone to not want sex if they are tired, or other reason. But having sex purely for your own pleasure without thinking about the other person is selfish. I don't think you're being needy.

Summerlovinf · 28/04/2016 11:04

And what if you ask him to keep stimulating you after is orgasm?

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