Condoms - Y/N?

[Confusedfedup]

I'm sexually inexperienced and have just left a sexless marriage. I have been seeing a new guy for 3+ months, we're both in our late 30s.

He says he doesnt like condoms as he comes early with them so prefers sex without them. No STD issues etc and we are exclusive. I'm not sure whether I am ok with this as i dont know if this is normal? I have an appointment to see about female contraception but i'd just like to know if this is an issue for men generally?

Have you both been recently STD checked?

I'd have thought if anything condoms might very slightly reduce sensation and thus marginally delay ejaculation.

But whatever his justification it's not cool. Contraception should be a joint enterprise and he's sort of foisting it on to you here.

I'm not sexually inexperienced and I've never been with a guy who has made condom use an issue, especially at such an early stage in the relationship.

There were a few instances at the begining when he lost his errection after he put the condom on or came quickly. He is also quite big. Which made me think perhaps it is an issue for some men.

Use condoms and don't be fobbed off
End of imo

Condoms are different sizes as well
Mates natural are larger,but I'm sure there are bigger
It tells you the size on the side of the box
Can he read? seriously, look after your own sexual health

Yes. 100% if he doesn't like it send him packing

Get him to "double up" - using two condoms. This will decrease his sensitivity levels. He's fobbing you off.

Does "doubling up" not cause friction between the 2 condoms and make them more likely to split? I always believed in was never a good idea.

I'm a "bigger guy" (8" and girthy - sorry tmi) and when my DP and I used them never had problems with fit or sensitivity. Yes, in terms of sensation, condoms dull but can work around this with positioning and sensational foreplay.

@mac - no due to lubrication between the two layers - not a bad idea to add a small amount of lube though.

Tbh condoms are horrible. I always feel the ring at the end of them.

Both of you get a sexual health check

If you have other contraception eg pill/impant/injection/IUD whatever works for you, and you've both been tested and sure there are no STI's, then sure condomless sex is fine whatever the reason.

Me and my DP use them, we don't really like them but needs must and all that. (I am on the pill but we need to be extra safe until his vasectomy as my adorable 15 week old is a pill failure, so we figured this doubling up contraception would be safer)
He's quite big, but condoms dont cause an issue sexually, it just doesn't feel as good. (Sex is still awesome though...sorry )

Thanks very much all! But what can we do about the problems he has when we've used condoms -losing errection and coming too quickly.

Steve, thanks for sharing - i will suggest doubling up. But why do you think he's fobbing me off, for what reason?

Now he pulls out before he comes which works for npw, but i prefer him inside me which is why i'm looking into a female contraception.

Fatty, congrats on your new baby!

As long as you have both been STD tested and, most importantly, YOU are comfortable with taking all the responsibility for contraception, without feeling under pressure from him to do so, then there's no problem. Both DH and I find sex without condoms much better. But it was very much a joint decision to look into alternatives, not him pushing for it (this was pre-marriage).

You are not taking any contraception at all and relying on him pulling out ?

Do you want a baby ?

For the love of all things not stupid please do not use two condoms at a time. goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/are-two-condoms-better-one www.nhs.uk/Livewell/teenboys/Pages/Condoms.aspx If you don't believe me or google.

Personally I loathe condoms so if I'm in a longterm relationship with a guy and he's happy then we don't use them (post sti checks and I use both the non-hormonal coil and the pill). I wouldn't be pressured into not using one though.

If you don't want to use condoms then you need to look into alternative contraception. You can't rely on pulling out working.

Okay, so you've obviously not both been tested for STDs as you've avoided answering that question.
And you're now having sex without condoms. So why did you even ask the question??
You can still get pregnant using the "withdrawl" method by the way.

And if he regularly has unprotected sex (which I'd guess he does as he 'doesn't like' condoms) for the love of god, use them!! He might have all manner of STIs

Withdrawal method = trying to conceive

Semen does spill prior to ejaculation.

Insists on condoms AND use contraception you control would be my advice.

"I am sexually inexperienced"

You sure got that right. My bigger worry though is your inexperience with relationships. I hope I am wrong but even going off the few lines you have posted here, you appear to have "use me" flashing on your forehead.

Do NOT double up. It reduces the effectiveness of the condom. If he wants to reduce sensitivity you can buy condoms designed to do this.

Withdrawal is fine as a method if getting pregnant would not be the end of the world. It's what we have used successfully for the last three or four years. (Worth noting that we have been told DH may have "issues" so have never been too careful) But you really don't want to be risking it in such a new relationship. Well, unless you fancy being a single parent. Bit of a gamble, no?

Obv it's fine to "double up" ie using pill and condom. Don't ever use two condoms at once, or a male and female condom at once. I thought this was common knowledge?

He's not too big for condoms.

Unless you've had a STI test with him, use a condom.

errgghhh