Can someone please tell me how to orgasm?

[Indiechic]

I'm old, I've had many many sexual partners in all guises. I'm sexually confident and have all the gear. I can easily get to the stage before orgasm, but I can't get to the explosion. I'm scared of how intense it feels. So what do I do?? Do I need counselling? Do I need step by step instructions?? I thought one day it would just tip over into one, but it hasn't. I wank a lot, cos it still feels great. What do I do? I'm too old not to have had one.

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I'd suggest a couple of glasses of wine so you're relaxed, and maybe a toy of some sort. Really try not to back of from it once it gets intense. I promise its worth it!!

How???!!! :-)

I lay my deepest secret bare and the site goes down!

When you're wanking, are you using toys or just your hands?

Toys. Got a new one which is very powerful, so all good there. It's just the intensity is so much I can't bear it. I'm the same with sex.

Do you stop before the 'finale'?

Do you need to change things? If it's already intense and enjoyable, perhaps that's just what works for you!

I read somewhere that deep, slow (as possible!) breaths help to get you over the edge if it feels too intense and it works for me.

I read it on here I mean. It's like it focusses your mind on the breathing rather than the intensity and your body then just goes ahead IYSWIM

Try doing it without toys or hands...ride against something so you can build it up slower and it's not so intense. Like a bunched up pillow or soft furniture

Yes, I stop before the finale! I always say that I've come, cos that is coming for me, but I know there's more! I just can't help fighting it, rather than going with it. I really need practical advice! I'll definitely try the breathing, and maybe going slower, but I'm sure I've tried that. How embarrassing.

Are you trying penetrative or clitoral? I've never orgasmed with a partner, ever. I can, however, easily bring myself to orgasm with a clitoral vibrator.

It has to be clitoral. Oral sex, whatever clitoral stimulation, all feels amazing, but only gets me to the same point. I can never get a release.

you know how to do it. You just have to let it get there. It isnt going to kill you or give you a heart attack or make you scream if you dont want to or anything. Just promise yourself youre going to relax and not freak out and just let it happen. Tell yourself its just to try it.

I am frightened of it! I've been trying for twenty years. I like the idea of it being, just to try it. I need to trick my head. Do I need counselling??

What are you frightened of?

The intensity is so overwhelming, I think I think it's going to cause me pain. It's too much to take.

So what do you do when you reach that point? Do you fake orgasm and make all the right noises? I sort of understand you in that I love the build up to climax, I love oral, I love DIY, but the climax is overwhelmingly disappointing, and I always think, is that it??? I wish I had fireworks and everything else I hear is so amazing about sex. I hope, btw, that it is not like that for you! Don't be afraid, go with it, try it, nothing bad will happen, the worst that can happen is that it will hurt a bit afterwards if you don't stop straight after, but not like childbirth or anything on that scale

Dial right back, instead of going for more intense things, go for something very basic, or no toys at all and just do it slowly. If it's getting too intense slow down. When you get to the nice/enjoyable feelings, just continue doing what you're doing and enjoy those feelings for as long as you can sustain them. I find it can help to tense and untense your legs, too, that seems to bring on the "release". And thinking about something you find sexy, reading a story you find sexy or looking at a picture to get to that tip-over-the edge point. Privacy really helps too - just silly things like being under a duvet or closing the curtains or playing music can help with anxiety over somebody hearing. (Though IME a self controlled one doesn't cause uncontrolled sounds anyway.) Breathing doesn't help for me. In fact I tried controlling my breathing the other day and it prevented it from happening. I normally hold my breath without really realising this is what I'm doing.

you will be able to stop it if you needed to, even during the orgasm if there was any pain.

I just say that I've come. I don't feel like I'm lying, as that's as far as it goes for me!

Thanks Bertie, will try those tips. I hold my breath and pull and release pelvic floor muscles.

Well I've got a few things to try... Thanks everyone.

I had an subconscious fear that I was going to wee myself and that held me back for quite a while. I ended up having my first one on top of a pile of towels

I also second using a toy that gives less intense vibrations, if you feel like it's too intense.

Ok, I'll go down a few settings and put some of the other tips into action. Will get dh on the case too.

Don't hold your breath.

Keep pelvic floor held in as tight as you can. Don't let it go when you are on the edge.

As you feel it happening, just let your hips go in a pump up and down action.

Would it help if you knew nobody could hear? That's the thing that can put the dampeners (excuse the pun) on for me.