Can someone please tell me how to orgasm?

[Indiechic]

I'm old, I've had many many sexual partners in all guises. I'm sexually confident and have all the gear. I can easily get to the stage before orgasm, but I can't get to the explosion. I'm scared of how intense it feels. So what do I do?? Do I need counselling? Do I need step by step instructions?? I thought one day it would just tip over into one, but it hasn't. I wank a lot, cos it still feels great. What do I do? I'm too old not to have had one.

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No, that doesn't bother me. It's that the physical sensation is too much to bear and that I don't know how to power through to get a release. I'm going to try some things out when I get chance!

My wife has the same issue, and I really feel for her as I think she is missing out on something she would love.

She says she feels like she is going to wee herself.

Ive tried many a time to try and encourage her and reassure her but she just says its too much sensation. Would this sensation be her holding off possible female ejaculation? That doesnt bother me as I have been with partners who have done it before, but I have the feeling she may relate it to a toilet function rather than sexual.

Its a good idea the lady who mentioned the towels. Perhaps that may be way to go, as leas there is a safety net of sorts there to make her feel more relaxed.

Thanks for that reply. This has got me thinking. I've "let go" three times which has resulted in me wetting myself. My dh says it definitely wasn't wee, but I wasn't sure. Perhaps I'll get the towels ready

Only MN would make me check back into a thread to see if a perfect stranger had an orgasm yet...

It's unlikely to be wee. If he said it wasn't wee, it wasn't. Plus if wee gets on the errr inside bits, it stings a lot. It does feel vv close to weeing but it's not.

Ha ha ha!!!!!! If it's unlikely to be wee, then I'm getting the kids to bed, grabbing the towels and banning Netflix for the night!

IKWYM about The Fear! I felt like it was too intense when I was first with DH, I think I didn't come for about a year as before that I'd just get him to stop (oral I mean) when it felt too much.

I've never had an orgasm during PIV though, I still get The Fear. It sort of feels painful but in a good way. I feel like I might pee myself as well. But if I've just gone before, I wouldn't, would I?

Prof, how did you get him not to stop? How did you go about letting him carry on? I always empty my bladder before and after sex too.

It was just a case of not telling him to stop - before I'd just get him to stop when it felt too much (we had a signal) so when I didn't do the signal he just carried on. I can't remember how things changed though sorry, it was about 12 years ago now I guess.

My OH has had to be trained to just steady the fuck up and not go all out at my clitoris, as it was all just too much.
Less is more, for me. and a slow build.
On my own, I find dialling the vibrator right down and taking it very very slowly results in a far better orgasm than generally electrocuting my clit. Go slow, have fun.

If it helps, I was 22 before I had my first orgasm.

Jasmine, I love your post! I've basically been electrocuting my clit in an attempt for it to tip me over the edge! I'm definitely going to slow it all down. We had two kids under two so sex life has been on the back burner, but trying to find time to start again

I've just come back to check how you're doing and been reminded of something

When I DIY, I don't use direct clitoral stimulation, I find it almost painful. Have google of the butterfly method. I discovered it by accident as a teen, I hadn't had a clitoral orgasm before then as I couldn't bear it

What kind of toys are you using op? I have a Womanizer which is direct clitoral and very intense so sometimes I find myself tensing my thighs until I cramp in anticipation. So I only use that one when I know I'm close to coming.

I find the fairy wand great for slow teasing and the head is big so you can hold it to one side or the other of your clitoris, all over your labia etc like a nice massage and the speed settings are really good.

www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18074

i really recommend this one. The ears on each side mean you can avoid direct clitoral contact if you want, and there are some great settings such as pulse. Its my all time favourite

I've seen a lot of posts (not just this thread) about people being worried that what they, erm, produce is wee, but just wanted to weigh in. I honestly had no clue how much actually came out (with DH I generally only come during oral so it is all gone by the time he comes up for air ) until recently when I started using my rabbit on my own and was really shocked how much there was. I can see why it feels like you've wet yourself actually, but don't worry, wee it certainly ain't :o

I would really love an orgasm during sex though. I get really turned on by it, I love it but can't quite get there. DH is always more than happy to finish me off after, so it's not like I'm missing out, but we would both love it to happen.

I have a question please if anyone is still around!

So last night we did things a bit differently, and I felt pain but not like the normal nice ache when I feel I'm getting 'close', it actually really hurt and I had to stop. It felt really sharp inside like it was too deep. So that's not the good, keep-going-and-you'll-come ache is it? I feel confused

No, he probably jabbed your cervix. It can be lower at certain times of the month. If it happens just change position so he's not so deep.

How's it going indiechic ?
Here's my advice for what it's worth.
Start slow.
Don't think about trying to orgasm. Think only about what you're doing and enjoy what feels good.
In the build up, If you feel you want to do something harder or faster then do that thing slower and more gently.
As the intensity builds, don't hold tension in your pelvis, legs etc - focus on your out breath and push the tension out and down towards your toes.
Even if you think you want to touch your clit/go faster etc, leave it until you can't bear not to.
Good luck!

Thanks! My new toy is one recommended on here and is great, no budget for a womanizer!

I've realised that I need to go back to basics and probably oral, and get that lovely slow build that feels very natural, then I'm going to put the practical advice into play. I've been trying to go hard and fast but it's obviously the wrong approach. Dh is going to do all he can . Just need to find time to actually have a sex life now.