I honestly didn't know whether to post this in relationships or here. I'm so embarrassed, hence the name change. It's the last day of the school term, I'm going to be with the kids solidly for the next six weeks, and whilst on my own this morning I thought I'd have a little session with my vibrator. However it isn't in its usual place.
DH and I have a bit of an ongoing issue at the moment that he's very insecure and needy. I've lost a fair bit of baby weight, I'm looking the best I ever have (I'm really trying not to sound arrogant, I'm no Elle McPherson) and he's overcompensating by trying to have sex far more frequently than I'd like. We've had a few arguments and a few long discussions about it, my sex drive just isn't as high as his, but he's terrified I'm just simply not attracted to him and will just go out and cheat (I'm absolutely NOT that type of person, I would never cheat)
The thing is, despite not wanting to have sex every night, I do enjoy it when I do do it with him. However, I never climax. This isn't his fault, he tries hard, it's just that it takes me a very long time (like half an hour) with a vibrator, so he's got no chance. He doesn't seem aware of this. I don't fake it, but he's relatively inexperienced (we've both only been with one one person) and I think he just assumes I reach orgasm.
This means occasionally I like to use my vibrator in private. It's very very private to me (hence the name change) and I cringe thinking about ever discussing it with him. But this is the third time the vibrator has been moved to another hidden location. I can't bloody find it and I'm close to tears with frustration about the whole damn thing to be honest. Why can't I use it, privately, without having to justify myself to him? I'm an adult? Is what I'm doing so bad?
Am I a terrible person just because I sometimes say no to him sometimes, but once a month want to crack out the vibrator on my own? Please be honest with me! It's just, the two things are different for me, pleasuring myself is all about me, I can be completely selfish, indulge in some daydreams, take my time, not speak etc, which I can't do alongside him. The vibrator was bought with the intention of using it together(which we do) but I'm tempted to go out and just get another! Except I can't because he'll just get bloody upset!
How the heck do I broach this with him?