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Original poster

Derpthroat

89 replies

Toohotcats · 08/07/2015 06:48

I must have the worlds most sensitive throat and gag at the slightest hint of anything touching it. But I've really been wanting to do this especially since oh mentioned one of his exes could do it. Do you think it's really possible for anyone to do it perfectly without gagging once??? Does anyone have any tips ? Or is it a case of you either can do it or you can't? X

OP posts:
JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/07/2015 16:00

How old are you and your dp, op?

to feel sex is a pressure is a very odd (sad) attitude. I wonder why you feel that way.

Fatstacks · 08/07/2015 16:07

Typo gold Grin

On a serious note.

Stop.
Stop trying to live up to a warped porn ideal.
It's wrong, it's not real.
Just like your boyfriend doesn't meet George Clooney or Sean Bean standards. (Or whoever is considered the hot tottie these days n.b. Sean may just be me Wink)

If he would like a porn star girlfriend then he should start looking in the industry, most people don't perform porn on tap.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 08/07/2015 16:39

Why would those be your choices? If he genuinely is not pressing for these kinds of acts then why ia it bothering you so much? Clearly you don't expect to get any pleasure from deep throat (because it's obviously not a pleasurable act in itself) so WHY do you want to do it? Would it make you feel good about yourself if he could tell his friends that you were performing porn-style acts? Would you feel some kind of validation from that? Also, the things you mention are really not things that 'all guys dream of'. Not everyone likes porn, not everyone aspires to replicate it in their own lives. Whether you stay with this partner or not, your choices are not to perform extreme sex acts, be consumed with feelings of jealous inadequacy or be single. You have many more choices than that. But a perfectly reasonable boundary to set is that you don't do anything you don't enjoy and you certainly don't do anything you actively dislike. No man worth being with will think less of you for that.

Lucy90 · 08/07/2015 17:28

All guys dream of deepthroat and squirting? Good lord!
I have never felt under any pressure from DP for anything sexual, he respects me as his partner and mother of his child, i think his dreams for us are very different from deepthroat and squirting Confused

Smorgasboard · 08/07/2015 17:30

You both knew each other had been on hook-up sites, so obviously there is history. You have to leave the past where it is as it really is not healthy to be asking what acts your partner has done and with whom. This is where your issue lies, stop asking him. If you didn't know, you would not be comparing. This is a non- issue, for peace of mind live in the now, do what you both enjoy and don't even consider anyone else. He's with you for other reasons, not because you do/don't do deepthroat.

OTheHugeManatee · 08/07/2015 17:33

Derp throat

AnyFucker · 08/07/2015 17:45

you both sound very young and immensely immature

Bellebella · 08/07/2015 17:49

How old are you?

You sound immature, in a committed relationship it really does not matter when you can't do one sexual act.

I would consider counselling for your self-esteem.

No you won't be single, because to normal men, deepthroat is not a deal breaker Confused

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 08/07/2015 17:52

Tell him your ex could lick his own eyebrows.
Seriously, it gives a woman no pleasure, quite the opposite, you don't want to do something-dont bloody do it!

MarinaCoyle · 08/07/2015 17:58

Skeppers Grin, me too!

Original poster
Toohotcats · 08/07/2015 18:47

I've never seen deep throat in porn because I don't really watch much porn at all. I've read about it on forums - cosmopolitan magazine and the like often has articles about "how to do it"
I'm 29 and oh is 39 for the record. I realise I might sound immature but you only have to read the thread below re "porny expectations" to realise that it's not just "young" people experiencing this stuff.
When I talked about it with oh he made it seem like she did not gag. Like it was easy for her.
I give up on my self esteem now. At my age, nothing is going to change.
I feel like I want to talk more with him about it but it's not any of my business is it?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/07/2015 19:08

who cares about what he did with ex he is lying anyway

he is with you now, and if he wants it to stay that way he STFU about how fucking fabulous his sex life was with someone else and concentrates on you

Lucy90 · 08/07/2015 19:12

At your age? Your 29! You can make everything change if you want it to

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 08/07/2015 19:12

Don't give up on your self esteem. As I entered my thirties I felt am increasing sense of peace with myself, having been consumed my raging self loathing and insecurity my whole life. On my 30th birthday I felt like a weight had been lifted and I've felt happier and more confident ever since. I just ordered the first bikini of my life because I know enough to know that the rest of the world doesn't see me the way I used to. I'm so grateful that I just missed the rise of social media in my teens/early 20s because I know it would have destroyed me and I'm so, so glad I met my husband before hardcore porn became so accessible and influential. For women with low self esteem I can see how easy it is to fall into the trap of believing it represents what men are looking for and how they can feel such immense pressure to emulate it.

But really, lacking a gag reflex doesn't make someone better than the next person, it's a ludicrous way to measure your self worth. If it was so amazing, she wouldn't be an ex would she? If Cosmo is peddling tips on this crap I'm so glad I don't read it anymore - when I did, I'm sure it focused on female pleasure, not how to avoid puking over your partner in pursuit of giving him something to brag to his mates about. Honestly, I'll ask again - why are you so intent on performing a sex act that you have no prospect of getting anything out of yourself? Why would you want tips on how to do something you have to endure rather than enjoy?

EquinoxEclipse · 08/07/2015 19:15

Just don't do it. Why would you? What a fucking cheek he's got, trying to force you to do something. Actually, I don't like him much.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 08/07/2015 19:21

It's unclear whether the pressure comes from him or from her...
Have you always felt like you need to out-sex all other women or is it just with him?
Sounds utterly miserable and seriously misguided.
I don't think you need advice on derp throat (sic ;) I'd suggest counselling or reading some feminist texts.

Original poster
Toohotcats · 08/07/2015 19:48

There is pressure on both sides. Mostly on mine, because yes in ways I feel like I should be "out - sexing" but this is the only r'ship that I've felt that way, and that is down to the hook up site / porn stuff (he watched the night before I moved in with him, when all I could think about that night was him and how excited I was to be moving in with him)
Re his ex, he also said she smelled of B.O so.... Might have been a bj expert but at least I don't stink . And she left him, she was his first love and all that
I do consider myself a feminist.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/07/2015 19:56

"considering yourself a feminist" and competing sexually with other women to the advantage of a bloke that sounds like a cock on legs are strange bedfellows

Original poster
Toohotcats · 08/07/2015 20:00

Plus, there is pressure from him in the sense that if I do go "far" down, he makes a lot of noise (encouraging noise) and there's a lot of trying to push it into my throat.
:-/

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/07/2015 20:04

that is sexual abuse

Felix75 · 08/07/2015 20:21

I've never understood how the sound of a girl choking/sounding like she's coughing up a hairball can turn you on... Is it about control for men and dominating women?

minkGrundy · 08/07/2015 20:24

If i find someone is tempted to push I find I am tempted to biteWink

Seriously though jelly is right. A lot can happen in your thirties.

Do you watch action films and feel tempted to drive through market stalls knocking over bins? Nope? Because its a film its not fucking real and porn believe it or not is not real fucking. (Yes they are actually doing it but not the way most people have sex in their everyday lives...its a film..they are acting)

Also, why are you having sex? I have sex for the following reasons:
I like it
In current rs it is intimate
It is a bonding experience
It is pleasurable (for both parties I hope)

It is something i do with my partner not that he does to me.

It is not a competition.
It is not meant to make you feel bad.
And I don't do it just to give him a conversation starter with his mates!!

AnyFucker · 08/07/2015 20:25

of course

for some couples that might work

but op doesn't like it so she should stop doing it

minkGrundy · 08/07/2015 20:25

Is it about control for men and dominating women?
Yes.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/07/2015 20:38

Ew
You need a free and frank conversation with him when you tell him in no uncertain terms that deep through is uncomfortable and unpleasant for you and you will not do it again.
If he reacts badly then you will know what he's really about.

I mean I think he sounds vile just from what you've said but I get the feeling you don't see it and will need some kind of proof

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