Is any one else here a submissive.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

title says it all.

I'm not vanilla I'm mint choc chip

Me and dh do this, very mild stuff only though.
Is it more common that you get turned on by the opposite of what you are in your normal day to day life? I'm quite bossy and opinionated and am very much a sub in the bedroom.

Namechange, it is hard to put into words the life lead every day. I guess it's the little things that make it 24/7 but a 24/7 submissive is not a slave. I'll try to explain more.

I am expected to keep in shape and to look after my weight. He doesn't dislike if I am bigger but prefers me smaller as I do too. He will point out when I need to reign in any over indulging and encourages me to attend the gym but not interfere with the days work load.

I am expected to be polite and respectful at all times and to act on ANY request when made.

I am expected to be dressed in a manner that reflects well on him at all times, he likes classy in heels if eating out, office dress if associating with clients, jeans and flats are ok for popping out or to the pub etc. If he doesn't like an outfit or a piece of clothing then it doesn't get worn.

I am expected to keep the house clean and tidy as much as my work load allows. If I catch a telling off it will be for my bedroom as I am messy with clothes/make up and it's the last room on my list.

If he asks me to get him a drink/snack/dinner then it has to get done.

If he wants a cuddle, for me to stop what I'm doing to spend time with him, sit down with him for a programme, go to the shop with him etc then I do without question.

Generally he will expect nookie etc when he asks, I will say no occasionally, if I'm ill, too tired etc and he understands this, he is not a master and I am not a slave but mostly this is everyday as he wakes early and likes some time together before he gets up, what form this takes is his choice.

This all occurs everyday through out the day, I am still me, I still do the things that I need to get done for my own job/health etc but that doesn't remove the 24/7 element as I'm not a slave, I'm a good girl (I can hear some MNers puking at that one)

We don't play games, hard to explain. If we have the house to ourselves we may indulge in more full on behaviour (I don't call him Daddy in front of the dc, I wouldn't go without underwear or cook dinner naked when they are in the house as they are older but I often do if alone) but the actual dynamic is the same all the time. You don't become less submissive in the day time, it's just easier to express it at certain times. If your Dom asked you to submit over something during the day (Not sexual) would you or would you expect it to only be at certain times?

I think it took a while for us to settle into this as I kept reading stuff on line or in books and thinking that I wasn't submissive enough, or he wasn't Dom enough but once you break away from the unrealistic stuff and the extreme stuff I realised that actually this is exactly as we need things to be, I don't need to be locked in a collar and naked all the time to be his, he doesn't need to be whipping me or punishing me to be a Dom, he just expects and receives my trust and submission. I think trust is so important.

For the pp that asked about spanking, it depends. If we had an argument because he was being an arse, or about money or a work thing (I'm not a slave so I do have input in these things but final decision is likely to be his. I'm an intelligent women and he values my opinion) then no, I think that would be an abuse of the trust I give him.

If I had raging PMT and picked a nonsensical fight (This does happen, I get RAGE and reason flies out of the window) then he may have words and a sharp tap on the bum. However, this would be after the event when we are calm and have talked, he may tell me to stop or to hold my tongue if the argument is one-sided. I think spanking someone in anger would go beyond my limits, a total abuse of my love and trust.

He doesn't choose my drinks for me, he'd get bored. He might sometimes decide I'm not having anything else to drink/it's bed time.

pony The relationships start from all places really - a couple experimenting, or indeed you can meet up with people who want this specific dynamic.

As for the level of 'sub' - it's entirely the subs choice how far they go down that path (Assuming dom is comfortable too) It's the weird irony that, whilst a sub, submits tot he will of a dom, the sub is actually in control of what is happening.

And yes, if they're 'living the lifestyle' 24/7 "Real Life" is played out in the D/S relationship, if agreed.

It's unusual to have people living it 24/7 (especially to an extreme, where the Dom makes all decisions for the Sub, just imagine how hard it would be?) - most people just play at D/S in certain situations.

If your Dom asked you to submit over something during the day (Not sexual) would you or would you expect it to only be at certain times?

I think I'd just do it (provided not something I felt uncomfortable with). I do see what you are saying.

I'm not a slave, I'm a good girl

Yep, I totally get this.

DH has chosen drinks, food etc for me in the past. We play a game where we go out for the evening and I am not allowed to speak to anyone but him. It is very very sexy and I thoroughly enjoy it. He makes it very clear I am his. I enjoy feeling so publicly owned.

I'm a switch but currently going through a bit of a sub phase with DP. However, we don't do any of the 24/7 stuff. We are much more into the spanking/pain side of things, and I have a particular fondness for 'confessing' misdemeanours to DP which I am then punished for.

Not a submissive but I am a masochist, with a consensual non-consent dynamic in the bedroom, in a long term monogamous relationship with children.

Just checking in to this thread as I'm interested in reading it and dying to see if SGB comes back to tell why she was banned from IF unless I sound like a twat as have somehow missed the explanation :o

My sub has an alter-ego. We play with that person when we play. We go out and play in our location (its a shop with a cafe) as soon as we park, it begins. He has to open all doors, walk one pace behind me, speak only when spoken to, I answer all question s for him, decide what he's drinking/eating, but he must order it. I tell him where to sit, he must push the trolley and get all items off the shelf and can only answer to his sub name.
He LOVES doing it!

That sounds fun, kitten.

My DP tells me I'm more of a Domme than a switch, because apparently I'm not a very good sub. Reading some of these, I think he's right- I could never relinquish control to the extent that some of you do! I enjoy being subby mainly because I like pain, I think, and punishment and humiliation- not because I want to give up control.

I'm the opposite, Polly. I don't like pain at all, or humiliation, but I really love to relinquish control to someone else.

That's interesting, sexnamechange. I would find many of the things on this thread impossible, I think!

I finally got my phone and Internet back :)

Dh pays for my phone and I was warned the next time I go over would loose it until he deemed fit.

The way our relationship works is when the DC are not around or sleeping I'm collared ( this is a physical reminder we are playing)

Since my knee op I don't kneel any more as it causes me pain and discomfort but do sit by his lap.

I was always wary about sex, so much dh is the only person I have ever had sex with. This way I don't have to think about sex. Dh know what I will point blank refuse to do, if he ever did them the trust would be broken and for it to work there must be trust.

Dh always follows through with his punishments, like with my phone.

I do most of the cooking and cleaning around the house because he needs the energy when we play.

There are rules and 3/4 of the time I do follow, but when I need a little extra then I like to break those rules.

I can have a drink at any time and also basic all day to day things are normal.

When I'm off work he sometimes drops a text saying he will expect me to be in bed waiting for him.

I love being tied up, but don't like being gagged (although I do get gagged)

It nice hearing how other D/s relationships work.

Now I must go to sleep as I have work in the morning, but can't sleep as Dh is working nights.

I'd find it impossible to be really properly hurt, Polly. I don't mean a bit of light spanking but I am not at all a masochist and would find real pain hard to bear. I find obedience comes naturally to me and it really makes my heart lift when we are playing and I know it's all him and it's all his responsibility and I hardly have to think at all except to do what I'm told. And basically, giving it all up to him makes me come like a fucking train so an extra release on top of the release!

We play with pain, it surprised me that I seem to like the rush and the dynamic it creates between us. We're experimenting with pushing it further.

I wouldn't ever intentionally break rules. If I needed something extra I'd respectfully ask for it.

I don't overly like being gagged as such either but it's not a hard limit, so he does use it and to be fair it does heighten the experience!

Mine helps with housework, cooks often, etc. D/s don't mean the wife is a servant or that you necessary have a man working/wife in the kitchen at all! (Some may well do, but it's not essential to the dynamic.) There are people who get off on service (service subs) but I'm not one of them. That said I will try to got the extra mile for my Dom.

We have both loved all the extra attention to each other. It's intensified our relationship. We're nicer and kinder to each other, there's far more communication. It's ever so hard to describe. It's not about the impact or the toys you use as such but the intense power dynamic between us that we both find erotic. I like how someone described it as hours of foreplay in the day to day interactions.

I love how much it's changed us. And hope it will continue to do so!

I find it all fascinating, but a bit scary.

It's really good to hear other people's experiences.

There was a recent thread (probably on Feminism chat) about the disjunct between what we think politically and what we desire sexually; when those two things are opposed.

chaise its not scary. You kinda just build it all up a bit at a time. I don't know anyone who has gone the whole-hog straight away. It takes time to find out what u like and are comfy with. I am totally uncomfortable with the everyday control that Piper describes. But it work's for them and thats OK
There's a kinda saying in the scene YKINMKBYKIOK (Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Okay). Some things you don't "get" but others do and none should be made to feel bad for the things they like. Its a respect thing.

Agree, brilliant to hear about how it works for other people. So much of this stuff is hidden and you end up feeling like it's just you (even though rationally it is not and you know it).

yeh, i know how u feel!!!

It's great to see others. We tried a munch and found it wasn't quite right for us. It's lovely knowing there's other mumsnet D/s couples.

Thanks for starting the thread!

Can I ask those on the thread how it started with you and your dh/dp? How did you go from having a 'normal' relationship to having a d/s relationship?

did it feel a bit like you were just acting a role at first, then you kind of became like that? Or is it so much in your personalities that you slipped into it easily?

the idea of it intrigues me as I would say I am much more submissive in the bedroom than Dom. I find I can relax and enjoy it so much more when dp is quite dominant and I can just do as I'm told.

I would quite like to take it further, but I worry I would just feel a bit silly. I think the build up that you describe would be an utter turn on and the feeling of being owned really appeals to me. I just don't know how to start.

I hope you don't mind me asking.