Is any one else here a submissive.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

title says it all.

I have a sub, I'm his domme

But only in bedroom, not 24/7. We sometimes play when out and about in one particular place where we automatically expect to play (unless safe word given)

What exactly is it like being a sub on every day life?

I find it good, my sex life is amazing.

Not generally 24/7 but once the DC are in bed then we switch into the mood.

I do have alot of toys

It's actually really hard to do 24/7 D/S - the sub has every decision made for them and has to trust the Dom completely. But the Dom has all the responsibility and 'power' in every decision. It means, as a sub, even when you're away form that person they're still making your decisions for you. But the sub has the 'final' say on anything and can stop the game whenever they want. I actually struggle with the idea of 24/7. I see other couples and I wonder if the sub is doing it because they want to, or because they think they want to iyswim? It's a fine line between consensual sub and non-con sub :/

Yes i am. We're 24/7 D/s rather than master, slave. We look fairly normal day to day but my husband gets to make final decisikns, could pull me aside for a quickie etc. He doesnt tend to but we love thay its there.

The sex has been amazing this last year since we moved across. I found fetlife hard to navigate as so much ofnit is looking for partners and we are not ooen/poly.

I almost staryed this thread a while bavk. I think D/s in a marriage, especially with kids can be quite different so mn is an excellent place for the thread!

Do your kids know about this dynamic? And is he making every decision for you? Or is it decisions for the both of you/family?

Me? No the kids don't and won't know about it. He rarely makes decisions for me as we're not master/slave but I'd defer to him if he did. I make most decisions regarding kids. Its still mainly sexual for us but we both find the power exchange v erotic and working at ways to incorporate it more and more into daily life.

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Ah, good.

We have a D/s dynamic in our relationship. I find it very very sexy and DH does too. We are not master/slave and wouldn't want to go that far, and we are not into pain, though a bit of spanking happens from time to time and we both like that. I think we look totally normal from the outside. We both work and are both confident professional people (both freelance though DH is often away from home), we don't bring any of it into family time and the kids won't ever know what we like to get up to together. It is pretty much only sexual for us. Decisions are made jointly about our daily lives. Most people would look at DH and see a very kind, decent and caring man who would self-describe as a feminist (as would I). He does about half the housework when he's here. He's not some kind of bossy bully boy.

How it works for us is that there are some rules. I don't wear underwear when DH is at home though can if it is my period or he is working away from home or DH specifically requests me to wear something he finds sexy, am naked and collared as often as possible when kids in bed or at school etc, he is in total control of how and when sex happens, he can ask me to remove my clothing at any time or wear something specific and expect complete obedience etc - all quite mild stuff for the D/s world I think. He likes to select my clothing and makes it as risky/revealing as possible - part of the turn on for him is to display me as his obedient sub. So he likes me to wear a short skirt and know that I am naked underneath or a very low-cut or slightly sheer top with no bra. He will touch me as and when he wants to - sometimes even in public, though we are discreet and sensible and would not do anything like this in anything other than an adult environment. We have had some really very sexy nights out where he has basically turned me on so much that I was absolutely desperate for sex by the time we got home.

Kids are pretty young (8 and 5). I think it will be more of a challenge as they get older, though as they get more self-sufficient I can see DH and me having weekends away to play together etc. They do both sometimes have sleepovers now which is fantastic.

We also have lots of toys of various kinds. Our sex life is wonderful - since we began this journey a few years back I have probably had more orgasms than in the whole of the rest of my life put together. I find the whole thing immensely erotic. A lot of our foreplay these days is mental as well as physical, and the build up to when the kids are in bed or out is a slow-burner that drives me crazy.

I'm on Fetlife, too, but honestly the numbers of men who cannot read a profile that clearly states that I am monogamous and married are quite astounding.

We've had that experience with fetlife! We sound similar-ish to your set up.

I had one particular charmer who kept sending me messages about how he was going to deepthroat me (um, no, not interested at all and certainly not with you) which got increasingly violent and demanding until I blocked him. I've blocked quite a few! Also tons of messages from men asking me to play with them. Also no. My profile clearly states that I am married and not available to play. I deactivated it recently, actually, as I got a bit sick of it all. I only joined to read the threads and talk about sex! DH didn't join, he isn't really into message boards etc but actually it would probably have been better if he had then I could have referred everyone to him and said this is my Dom, why don't you ask him or something. I might go back at some point. I do like the threads. There are some good ones. Breadcrumb Buddies is a great place to post pics and there are some nice people on there.

Mine joined for that reason, but we'd mainly used it to find local munches. We attended one and realised it wasn't currently our thing, then came off fetlife as the pestering messages were too much. We had just been interested in other couples with a similar dynamic but not at all to play! I felt an oddity.

I've probably had more orgasms in the last few weeks than in the years of marriage prior to this. It's been incredible and as we're only a year in we're hoping for it to just get better.

Certainly our relationship has improved no end. It wasn't bad before but there is such an increased depth of communication and trust as we work out our new dynamic that we feel more connected than ever. I feel so lucky to have found this for us.

I have feminist leanings and don't believe I'm subservient to my husband, or that women intrinsically are. However we have chosen this and it's pretty damn hot!

How many if you go to Munches? We've been to a few, bit never quite got them.

We found that there was an Elephant in the Room or just not very friendly. Thought about starting our own one, as the nearest is about 10miles away.:(

We just dabble really, not a lifestyle thing, but fun :) just in the bedroom

We found ours v friendly, but the underlying point seemed to be more about making contacts you might play with in the future. We felt an oddity as a married couple that had come to the lifestyle together rather than people who were fully into it before they met and/or poly or single! It was ok, but we decided not to waste babysitting on it. In reality we'd have loved some other couple friends we could just socialise with.

We went to one. It was OK. We had a nice drink with some nice people. But as Name says, it seemed a bit more about making play contacts than just socialising. Also, nobody else had children and I do think that puts you in a slightly different position. I would be more open about my sexuality as a single childless person than I can be as a mother. As DH and I have no current desire to play with other people, I think the online thing is more useful for me to share experiences and ideas etc.

Oh yes, I noticed the children thing. I guess I'd be more up for socialising if I didn't have to arrange babysitting each time, and our lifestyle/play would be very very different if there weren't children in the house!

Yes, I agree with all of that!

Test

We live 24/7 but I doubt it matches up to the image that people have. We are not master/slave, I'm a submissive but still have valued input in our life, make decisions, run my side of the business, run the house and have the main stake in the children's lives as he is very busy. He is a daddy dom in name but I am not a lg nor would I consider age play (Not would he), I'm just submissive and girlie and can be intensely dependent despite being quite a fierce women.

Generally he makes final decisions on day to day things we do, like if we eat out, food shop, watch TV or work etc. He does ask me to carry out tasks for him but these are things we need done to run our lives and to alleviate his work load which is huge, not tasks for the sake of being the boss. I cook for him most nights but if I'm tired, ill or have been doing the lion share he will organise dinner (usually take away!) I keep the house clean and tidy and the kitchen stocked with food he likes and his meals are always to his taste, I would never cook a meal knowing it wasn't something he particularly liked. I get his lunch and drinks more often than not but he brings me tea in bed every morning as I'm not a morning person.

He does expect me to respect him and not to be rude or argue over pointless matters (I get the occasional spanking for this one, I am not good at holding my tongue). I always tell him where I am and I am expected to answer my phone the first time he calls. I ask permission to go out if it's not just popping to the gym or shops etc.

I have my own money (I work bloody hard) but always consult him if spending over £30 or so of family or his money, he often buys me frivolous things that I couldn't justify the spend on. It's so hard to explain as it doesn't sound very submissive at all in type! We have a good sex life, not into all the ropes and whips and stuff but he is the boss in bed and we have our 'kinks'. I am allowed pants, that did make me chuckle, saucy! He doesn't choose my clothes daily or anything like that but if he doesn't like it I don't buy it and if we are going somewhere together I will always check he approves. To be fair he always runs his outfit passed me too.

Basically I look after him lots, make his life as easy as I can and keep him happy ;) He looks after me and protects me always, spoils me rotten so long as I'm being good and gives us all an amazing life. I love being 'his'. I love when we go places and I can just be excited and have fun and he takes care of everything.

We don't go to munches, I do read Fetlife (I forget what the site was years ago that's now closed, much more forum like as opposed to fet which I find is like a message board) but I have never posted on there. It would be lovely to have a female friend or two that also submit to their OH but that's not really what I see would be gained from the local lifestyle. We do have a couple of friends who are are of our dynamic, it's hard to miss if you know us really well. We've always been like this but with the increase of awareness and google the bond has gotten stronger over the last 5 years or so.

Fingers crossed my name change hasn't failed in the bloody long time it took to type this.

Mslick, On the days I do act more in the lg framework (Very rare, definitely not a little but do have a sense of wonder and excitement at the world) I can be bratty too. Does he like that or do you get told off? I usually end up with a tanned arse.

I can't be doing with Fetlife: I just find it incomprehensible. Some people used to enjoy Informed Consent, which was (sort of) Kinky Mumsnet only with a lot more masturbating men. I got a lifetime ban despite being neither a wanker nor a bloke but that's another story.

Depending on where you are, fetish fairs and markets are often good for socialising - and shopping, of course.

(Oh BTW I am dominant, not submissive but don't worry, I won't threaten to spank you all...)

I'd agree with that SGB, I pop on there sometimes but there is so many 'groups' and the conversation is limited so it's hard to find a place you can just chat.

Are you open about your lifestyle? A Fetish fair sounds fun, I had read about one in London some years ago.

but don't worry, I won't threaten to spank you all...) at once? ;)

I'm not d or s or in fact kinky at all really but I am curious, the people that do have these relationships, was your OH d/s when you met or did you completely discover it together... How do you know where to start?

Also, if you're sub, say you want a drink, do you have to let your dom choose what you have (for eg)?

And the person who gets spanked for arguments etc, what if it was a real argument, about something serious, would you still get spanked?

I'm just really curious, hope you don't mind all the questions.

It's funny (in the sense of interesting) that you say you're 24/7 and yet I don't identify that way, 247sub. I think it must go deeper than what you've said because your relationship sounds remarkably similar to mine and I would not call us full timers. And I prefer the no pants rule to the answering phone first time rule! I really would not do well with that one, as I always struggle to find the bloody thing in the bottom of my bag and loathe telephones, whereas I somehow seem to quite enjoy not wearing pants.

Kinky Mumsnet sounds cool, SGB - what did you get banned for?

Pony, the answers to all those questions will differ from couple to couple. It's about what works for you. In my case

a) we both had kinky leanings before we met, we had both explored other kinds of sexuality apart from monogamous marriage to a member of the opposite sex before we met, children kind of brought our sex life to a standstill for a while and kink helped us find our way back in (plus made it more enjoyable).

b) no, my husband wouldn't choose my drinks for me unless as part of a specific game we were playing where I might have temporarily given up some of my autonomy in exchange for getting insanely turned on and also giving up responsibility for a while in favour of peaceful headspace where I don't have to make decisions. I kind of wouldn't mind it all being a bit more full time, but I think I can't quite work out how to do it with kids around as it's very heavily linked to nudity and/or revealing and fetishy clothes for both of us.

c) I get spanked for stuff sometimes, mainly slightly bratty behaviour. When you say a real argument, do you mean real upset for a real reason? I think what happens in a power exchange relationship is that firstly, the dominant partner gets some privileges normally denied to other people as most people are totally autonomous human beings. So, for instance, I have given up the right to wear clothes in my own home (this is obv only outside children being awake/around). This is a huge turn on for my husband who really loves me to be naked and enjoys watching me. However, as I have given up that power to him he has taken on some additional responsibility. So because he has taken my clothes, it's now up to him to ensure that I am comfortable and warm at these times (I'm not into degradation or humiliation and nor is he). He has to pay extra attention to me in order for it to work. If there was real real upset, ie he had crossed a boundary (I don't know, gone out and bought an expensive car when we were struggling with money), then it wouldn't be a question of spanking. I have not given up the right to have an opinion nor the right to be listened to as a human being. DH would be mortified if he thought he had genuinely upset me. Spanking would be the last thing on his mind!